


A Day In The Life

by PensToTheEnd



Series: All Of Me Loves All Of You [4]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Bisexuality, Cross-dressing - for Halloween Costume, Domestic, Domestic Fluff, F/M, M/M, Sex - all kinds of sex, fantasies
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-31
Updated: 2018-07-24
Packaged: 2018-08-28 03:54:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 43,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8430811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PensToTheEnd/pseuds/PensToTheEnd
Summary: Companion pieces set in the AU of All of Me Loves All of You, short timestamps/ficlets centered around various days or events in the lives of Sidney Crosby and Jamie Marsh.





	1. Laundry Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It’s okay,” Sid replied, maybe with a hint of sarcasm.  “I came in to ask if you needed to do a load of laundry, actually.  I can bring you a clothes basket for your dirty stuff.  If you want that is.”
> 
> “That’s okay,” Jamie commented, without even looking up.  “I have one of those mesh bags in here somewhere.”
> 
> Sid stared at him.  Jamie just sat there, scrolling down through something on his laptop.  Sid walked out, but returned a few minutes later with a laundry basket and started picking up the clothes on the chair and putting them in the basket.  Jamie finally looked up from his computer when Sid gave out a little huff.  He scrambled off the bed and started helping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set in Jan/Feb 2016
> 
> reference to "The Dad Trip" - chapter 9 in All of Me Loves All of You
> 
> Hope you like these... more chapters to come... will always reference where they fit in to other parts of this story...
> 
> Thanks for reading as always...

Jamie has been living at Sidney Crosby’s for not quite a week and he’s starting to settle in and be less nervous around his new captain.  Well as not nervous around Sidney Fucking Crosby as any star-struck teenager can be.  His life has definitely taken a turn towards the positive for the first time in a long time.  He has two games under his belt as a Pen and he thought he’d done fairly well in each one, picking up a goal and an assist in the first game, then an assist in the second.

They had another off day on the Sunday after his second game, so Jamie thought he’d just lounge around.  Sid had other ideas, knocking on the door to the guest room and sticking his head in when he gets a response from Jamie.

“Hey, do you need to do…”

Sid stops mid-sentence as he takes in the room.  Wanting to give his new houseguest some privacy, Sid hadn’t gone in to the bedroom since Jamie moved in.  What he saw took him by surprise.

The bed is unmade, which okay, Jamie is sitting on it and they do have a day off, so not a big deal.  But then there is the open suitcase on the floor, and the clothes tossed everywhere.  Everywhere.  There are some thrown over the back of a chair.  Some on the seat of the chair.  Some thrown over the door to the walk-in closet.  Some hanging off the door handle. 

“What?”  Jamie inquires.

“What?” Sid echoes, because he is still dumbfounded.  He’s not sure what clothes are clean and what is dirty.

“You were asking if I needed to do something.”

Sid walks across the room and looks in to the attached bathroom with trepidation.  Dirty towels hang from the racks or are tossed on the counter around the sink. Sid is not the neatest person in the world, by any means, he thinks, but at least the dirty clothes go into a laundry basket, wet towels are not left on the vanity top and, clean clothes get put away.

“Um,” he gives the open suitcase a soft kick on the way back across the room, “I, uh.  Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, why?”

“I just, you’re still living out of your suitcase?  You not happy here?  I thought everything was going okay and you were settling in.”

“Oh.  Yeah.  Haven’t gotten to that yet, sorry for the mess.  I’ll get it picked up today.”

“It’s okay,” Sid replied, maybe with a hint of sarcasm.  “I came in to ask if you needed to do a load of laundry, actually.  I can bring you a clothes basket for your dirty stuff.  If you want that is.”

“That’s okay,” Jamie commented, without even looking up.  “I have one of those mesh bags in here somewhere.”

Sid stared at him.  Jamie just sat there, scrolling down through something on his laptop.  Sid walked out, but returned a few minutes later with a laundry basket and started picking up the clothes on the chair and putting them in the basket.  Jamie finally looked up from his computer when Sid gave out a little huff.  He scrambled off the bed and started helping.

“Sorry.  I didn’t know you meant I needed to do it right now.”  Jamie snapped at Sid, then, as if realizing he’d just swatted at his host and Captain, he kept his gaze down.

Sid dropped a shirt in the basket and then stepped back.  Jamie’s face was red; he was picking up clothes and throwing them in to the basket.  Shit. 

“No.  I’m sorry.  I told you that this was your room.  I shouldn’t…”

“No.  It’s your house.  I’m sorry.  I should learn to pick my shit up better.  My last roommate kind of said that to me, too.”

“So, you gonna do some laundry then?  I’ll show you where everything is.”

“I got it.  I saw the machines in the one room in the basement.  Thanks.”  Jamie marched into the bathroom and came back out with an armful of towels he dropped unceremoniously into the basket.

“Okay.  I’ll, uh, I’ll just go then and let you take care of it.  I was going to order us some pizza for lunch, that okay?”  Sid backed towards the door.

“Fine,” Jamie mumbled at Sid.  “Whatever.”

Sid is in the living room a little while later when he hears Jamie stomp down the stairs from the second floor, bang the door to the basement open, then stomp down those stairs as well.

\------------------

When Jamie doesn’t make an appearance for over a half-hour, Sid goes looking for him in the laundry room.  He finds Jamie sitting on the floor staring at three piles of dirty clothes and towels. 

“Problem?”

“No.”

“Okay.  Then what’s this?”  Sid waves his hand at the scene before him.

“I… I’m waiting for a friend to call me.”

Sid looks at the washing machine.  There isn’t a load in it.  There isn’t a load in the dryer either.

“Have you started your laundry?  I was going to order the pizza while you waited for a load to run through.”

Jamie tucked his chin to his chest, his face turning a bright pink as he fumbled with his phone as if trying to will it to ring.  “No.  I’m, uh, I’m waiting.”

Jamie looks embarrassed.  Sid thinks back to their conversation in the bedroom.  Fuck.  Jamie was embarrassed.  Okay.  Embarrassed that his room was a mess, that Sid would think he was a slob, a bad house-guest, what.  And why embarrassed now, why sitting there with the piles of clothes…

“Jamie, have you ever done your own laundry?” 

Jamie blushes again, shyly shaking his head no.  Sid thinks about what Jamie’s told him about his life so far.  He’d lived at home with his parents until they were killed in a car accident.  Never went away, never billeted with a family.  Never had to do his own laundry?

“But, well, who did it when you were with San Diego and Anaheim?”  Sid questions, casually leaning down and starting to resort the laundry piles.

“Zach, the coach I was living with.  He, well, he just did it.  I have no fucking idea what to do, so I texted him and I’m waiting for him to call me back.”

“You could have said something, asked me how to run a load.”

“You already seemed mad about the mess in my room.  I didn’t want to bother you with this.  Zach will call me and I’ll take care of it.”

“Come on,” Sid opened the door on the front load washer and started putting clothes in.  “I’ll show you how to work the washing machine.”

Jamie stood up and watched while Sid loaded the machine, showed him where to add detergent and fabric softener and set the functions. 

“I just wash everything on cold tap water.  With these high efficiency machines and detergents these days you can get away with washing stuff that way, even the whites.  And while I still separate stuff, you probably could get away with just doing it all together if you want.  Just don’t ever wash something that says dry clean only.  I have a service that will pick up your suits and do that for you.”

“Okay.  Thanks.  What about the dryer?”  Jamie looked it over.

“It’ll take about an hour for the wash.  We’ll deal with the dryer then.”  Sid turned to walk back upstairs.  “Let’s go order our pizza, okay.”

As they sat eating, Sid kept thinking about what Jamie said.  “So,” he finally spoke up, “your coach really just did your laundry for you?”

“Well, yeah.” Jamie smiled as he took a bite of his pizza, he green eyes lighting up.  “I guess he just figured it was easier.”

Sid looked down.  Right.  Easier.  He could just imagine Jamie flashing those eyes, looking all innocent and confused.  Sid had given in to those eyes more than once already and he hadn’t even known Jamie for a week yet.  He silently made himself swear that he wouldn’t give in over this.  The kid needed to learn to do his own laundry and be self-sufficient evidently.

\-------------------

On Saturday, Sid wandered down to the laundry room to do a load of towels.  Jamie’s laundry basket was there, and there was a load of wet clothes in the washing machine.  Sid moved most of the clothes to the dryer, but hung up a couple of pairs of jeans and shirts.

When he came back upstairs to the living room, Jamie was sitting on the couch with his guitar.  His laptop was open and it looked like he was listening to a song.

“Hey, I moved your clothes over to the dryer.”

“Thanks.” Jamie said, looking up at Sid with his best innocent puppy dog eyes.  “I forgot I put them in.”

“No problem.” Sid offered, looking down quickly. "I took care of it."

"So.  Can I play something for you?  I'm learning a new song."  Jamie offered, smiling.

Sid looked back up.  Jamie had his head tipped, those green eyes looking at him through long lashes.  Damn those eyes, he thought.

\--------------------------

“Do you need your suits cleaned before the road trip?” Sid asked Jamie the following Wednesday morning as they sat eating breakfast.

“I guess it wouldn’t hurt.”

“Okay.  And do you need to do laundry before then, too?” Sid inquired, already knowing the answer.

“Probably.” Jamie shrugged from across the kitchen table. “I’ll get it together.”

Jamie pushed the food around on his plate and Sid quickly looked down at his own food.  _Don’t look at him, Crosby.  Don’t do it.  Don’t…  Fuck._   Sid looked over at Jamie whose head was still down, but he was looking at Sid sheepishly through his eyelashes.

“I don’t suppose you’d…” Jamie said hopefully, his words trailing off at the end.

“Yeah.  Bring them down.”

\-------------------

The Tuesday morning after they got home from the Dad Trip, Sid and Troy were sitting at the table when Jamie came wandering in.

“I carried my basket of clothes down, Sid.” Jamie casually remarked as he pulled a Gatorade out of the refrigerator.  He then grabbed some cookies and headed back to the living room.

“Okay, I’ll probably get to it after we take Dad to the airport this afternoon.” Sid answered without pause, not even thinking.  He looked over at his dad, who was grinning.

Troy waited until he was sure Jamie was out of earshot.  “You’re doing his laundry?”

“Yeah.  So?”  Sid grumbled, his face getting red.

“Oh, Sidney.  I was so wrong.”  Troy laughed at his son.  “You’re not smitten, you’re whipped already.  Should I tell your mother to start planning a wedding?”

 


	2. Exhibition Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie takes in the World Cup of Hockey exhibition games in Pittsburgh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> September 14, 2016
> 
> Set between chapters 19 & 20 of The Course of True Love...

Jamie just wanted to be a spectator at the World Cup exhibition game in Pittsburgh, so he’d quietly gone online and purchased his ticket for the game.  It wasn’t even one of the better seats, but it was on the glass, section 117, row A, seat 6.  That’s where he’d sit, by himself, and watch Sid play, and well, Geno and Muzz, too.  He didn’t tell Kris until they were ready to leave, when he came downstairs in one of Sid’s old Team Canada hoodies and a pair of jean, snapback pulled down on his head.  Kris was dressed in a nice pair of slacks and a button-down, dressed up because it would be expected if sitting in the owners’ box or even the press box.

When they got to the center, Jamie actually made Kris drop him off a couple of blocks away. 

“You really think people aren’t going to recognize you?  I mean, maybe when you first came, but now?”

Jamie just shrugged.  It was worth a try, he thought.

Jamie stood in line patiently with the rest of the fans, walked through the security scan, and flashed his ticket to be scanned so he could enter the center.  He kept the hoodie pushed up and his hat brim down.  If anyone recognized him they didn’t let on, and truthfully, he looked like any one of the college kids who ever attended a game on a student rush ticket.  Just another frat boy.

He bought a bottle of water and some nachos to snack on then made his way down to the glass.  There weren’t a lot of people there yet and he was the only one sitting in the row.  A couple of guys were sitting in the row directly behind him.  They were talking about the different teams playing, particularly about Team North America.  One of them was trying to figure out a player’s name.

“You know,” he said to his friend, “that kid that plays for Tampa Bay.  What the hell’s his name?”

“I can’t remember.  He played in the Conference Finals didn’t he?”

Jamie hesitated a minute before turning around, “Drouin, Jonathan Drouin.”

“That’s it.  Thanks, buddy.”

“No problem.”  Well, maybe they weren’t Pens’ fans he thought.  They did have Team Canada shirts on and not Sid’s either, Giroux.  Oh, fucking Flyers fans, he thought.  This will be fun.

A half hour before the start of the first game, North America versus the Czech Republic, the teams hit the ice for warm-ups.  Jamie had hoped North America would be the home team, but it was the Czechs.  He watched intently as they skated past the glass, looking for familiar faces, trying to figure out who might recognize him.  It would be harder maybe, without his equipment, but they might be able to do it.  Of course, maybe they didn’t pay attention to the crowd.  No.  They did.  Jamie did.  All players do.  It’s habit to scan the crowd when you skate past if you are just warming up your legs the first few times around.

Hertl and Polak from the Sharks skated past.  Nothing.  Sustr and Palat from the Lightning.  Those four could realize it was Jamie sitting there, he’d played against them the most last spring.  Luckily there weren’t any Ducks on the team. 

Mrazek skated past and stood along the glass to Jamie’s right.  Jamie saw him staring, then a big grin came over the goalie’s face behind his mask.  Fuck.  Well, guess if you score against the guy, he might remember you.  Mrazek, thankfully, only gives him a nod then skates back to the net to take some shots.

Gadus and Voracek from the Flyers are standing out at center ice when Jamie sees them looking at him and talking.  Maybe they are talking about the guys with the Giroux sweaters behind him.  Maybe.  Fuck.  Gadus first, then Voracek, send slapshots directly at the glass in front of him then laugh.  But, that’s it.  They don’t come over and do anything that would draw any more attention to Jamie.

The real test he knows, will be when Muzz is in the net at this end during the second period.

The seats around Jamie fill up, warm-ups end, and pretty soon the teams are back for introductions and the national anthems.  Jamie stands and takes his cap off, but kind of keeps his head dipped during the three anthems.  No one seems to recognize him.  All is going well.

\------

The first period ends with the Czechs up 1-0 on a power play goal that got past Muzz.  Jamie stays in his seat during the intermission, texting with Kris and the guys up in the box.  When the teams come out for the start of the second period, he pulls the hoodie up around his neck a little more, which, okay, wasn’t really obvious because it was cold, there was cold air blowing on him anyway.  But, he also snugs his cap down. 

One of the funniest things he’d noticed about the crowd was that every time Voracek, Gadus or Gostisbehere touched the puck, the crowd behind Jamie began the chant “Flyers Suck”.  He couldn’t wait to see if that evil ginger was playing the next game.  He might even join in on the chants for that one.  Giroux was just one of the guys on Team Canada he couldn’t stand.

At the start of the second period, Muzz came out and roughed up the ice in his crease, then did a couple of loops to the far glass and back.  Muzz often did his skating to his left, Jamie knew, so maybe Muzz wouldn’t notice him.  That lasts until the first TV break.  Muzz skates over to the bench and when he is on his way back to the net, Jamie sees his whole face kind of do this quirky thing behind his mask.  Then Muzz actually pulls his mask up and looks straight at Jamie with a shitty grin.  He adjusts his hair, tugs the straps back on his mask and slips it back on.  Through the cage he gives Jamie a wink.

Jamie tries to sink his body down into the seat a little more.  Nobody else seems to notice that Muzz starts skating to his right when there’s a break in the action, and that the goalie keeps looking at Jamie and smiling.  Jamie just wants to tell him to knock it off before someone catches on, but Muzz looks like he’s having fun tormenting Jamie. 

Both teams go scoreless through the second, and there’s actually not a lot of edginess in the game.  It’s not the big rivalry that the next game will bring to the ice.  Muzz has a solid second period, looking good blocking a few really tough shots.  If Muzz can play like this during the season, and Flower is back in form, they are going to be hard to beat, he thinks.

The Czech Republic ends up winning 3-2.  Jamie watches the handshakes and gives Muzz a little wave before the goalie turns and heads for the visitor locker room.  He guesses he’ll tell Geno that Jamie is sitting on the glass, but it should still be a surprise for Sid. 

\------------------

Between periods, Jamie ventures up to the concourse to find food, of course the lines are ridiculously long.  He ends up waiting in line thirty minutes to get a Primanti’s Pittsburgher and some fries, he even splurges on a souvenir cup and gets a Dr. Pepper, along with another bottle of water.  He grabs some ketchup at the condiment stand, and lots of napkins, and makes his way back to his seat.  There are only a couple of minutes left before warm-ups for the second game start by the time he is sitting down again.

His phone chirps and he has to shift around some to get it out of the front pocket of the hoodie.

Tanger:  _What are you eating?_

Tanger:  _Those fries are full of grease!  We need to talk about your eating habits._

Tanger:  _Is that beer in that cup?_

Jamie looks up at the boxes until he finds them, the whole bunch standing there pointing and waving at him.  He gives a nod with his head, picks up the sandwich and takes a big bite before he picks his phone back up.

Jamie:  _YUM!!!!!_

Tanger:  _Bad Jamie!  I think you need to do more time on Jacob’s Ladder at tomorrow’s workout.  Flower agrees._

Jamie hated that machine.  Fuck.  He took another bite of his sandwich, enjoying the taste of the burger, fries and coleslaw all together.  No, this is worth it, he thinks.

Jamie:  _Worth every bite!!!_

Coler:  _Still incognito?  Muzz texted.  Said he thought about blowing your cover._

Jamie:  _Lucky for him he didn’t.  Yeah.  So far so good.  Can’t wait to see what Sid and these guys do.  More of them will know me, ya know._

About then, Team Canada hits the ice for warm-ups, the players flying past Jamie.  Sid he knows, will have his head down, focused on the ice the first several passes, then he’ll scan the crowd.  He watches him skate by, so intent that he jumps when a puck hits the glass in front of him.  He scans the ice and sees Toews and Stamkos laughing. 

Marchand skates past and hits the glass with his stick, then Bergeron does the same thing.  Price and Crawford do double takes when they are standing to the side of the next, not sure at first that they were seeing right.  Then Price skated over and stood right in front of Jamie for a few minutes, blocking his view.  He liked Carey, but he could be an asshole some times.  Finally, he tapped the glass and skated away.

A minute or so later, Sid skated past and looked up for the first time, eyes glancing over the crowd.  Jamie doesn’t think Sid’s going to notice him.  Then Sid sees him.  The look of shock that flashes across his face is priceless.  Sid actually spins around, skating backwards up the wall as he just keeps staring at Jamie.  Jamie laughs out loud when Sid almost falls down when he runs into Burns because he isn’t watching where he is going.

Jamie sits and smiles at Sid while he keeps eating his food.  As he’s watching Sid, he doesn’t see Duchene eyeing him up.  Douchebag, as Jamie started calling him at some point at hockey school, mostly because he was a bit jealous of the whole Sid-Nate-Dutchy thing, slammed his body into the glass right in front of Jamie, startling him and making him nearly dump his food tray.  So maybe Pricer wasn’t the only one on the team who could be an asshole.

There were a bunch of kids standing at the bottom of the steps next to where Jamie was sitting.  Obviously they had come from a few rows back, or some other section altogether, to stand and bang on the glass hoping for a puck from a player.  The players were all focused on the shooting and passing drills they were running for warm-ups, ignoring the kids. 

Jamie looked over and saw one really little girl, maybe 5, and on the small side.  She had gotten kind of pushed to the back and was having a hard time seeing anything. 

“Hey,” Jamie said to her when he finally got her attention.  “Come stand over here.”

She looked at him warily, which he realized was probably good since this strange man just tried to get her to come to him.  She turned and looked at a woman standing a couple of rows up the steps.  The woman looked over at Jamie who smiled at her and tipped his face up.  She had a Pens jersey on, maybe she’d recognize him.  This would be worth blowing his cover.

The woman paused for a second, staring, and her eyes suddenly lit up.  “Oh holy shit,” she mouthed at him.  Jamie held his hand up to his face and gave her a slight nod.  She looked at the little girl and told her it was okay to go over to stand by the glass in front of Jamie.

“What’s your name?” he asked.

“Lottie.”

“Would you like a puck, Lottie?” he leaned in and asked her softly so no one around them could hear.

Her eyes got big and she nodded her head enthusiastically.

“Okay, we gotta wait for a minute until they get done with their drills, then I’ll get you one.”

Lottie stood watching the players shoot the puck and then skate past them.  Several of them banged their sticks on the glass at her and she’d jump back a little bit when they did, turning to giggle at Jamie. 

The ushers made their way down the steps about that point, clearing out anyone who didn’t have tickets for that section and the front rows.  A lot of people grumbled and complained, but they cleared out.  Jamie looked at the usher talking to Lottie’s mom.  He was telling her they’d have to leave, too.  She pointed at Jamie, where Lottie was still standing in front of him.

The two guys sitting next to Jamie weren’t back yet, so he waved for her to come stand by him, saying to the usher that she was with him.  The usher gave him a ‘yeah right’ look, so Jamie pulled his Pens ID out of his pocket and walked over to flash it at the guy.  He just stuttered an ‘oh sorry’ and walked back up the stairs.

“The two guys next to me aren’t back yet, come stand with us.”  Jamie said to Lottie’s mom.

“I’m Annie.  Thank you.” She said, following him over to the glass.

Once the drills were done and everybody was either just skating or stretching and randomly shooting pucks on goal, Jamie waited until Sid was skating by to reach up and pound the glass. 

“Pound the glass and say ‘puck’ to Sidney.”  Jamie told Lottie.

“Puck!” she yelled, pounding the glass hard.

Sid smiled at her, but skated away.  Lottie turned around and looked at Jamie, disappointment all over her face.

“Wait, he’ll be back,” Jamie reassured her.

Sid looped back around and stopped in front of them this time, picking up a puck with his stick he deftly flicked it up over the glass so that it slid down between the glass and netting, dropping directly into Jamie’s outstretched hands.  Jamie handed the puck to Lottie who turned around and beamed at Sidney. 

“Thank you!  Thank you!” she yelled, hugging the puck tight to her chest.

Annie asked if she could give Jamie a hug before they left.  She and Lottie both hugged Jamie and Lottie gave him a kiss on the cheek.

\---------------------

Jamie sat back down in his seat after they left and the two guys sitting beside him returned.

“We waited when we saw what you were doing.  That was pretty nice of you.”  The guy smirked.  “Jamie.”

“Blew my cover, did I?”

“Maybe.  We thought you were you before but didn’t want to say anything.”  The guy looked down at the PensGear bag he was carrying.  “Don’t suppose we could bother you for an autograph.”

“Sure.  Let me finish eating, though.”

“Sure thing.  We’re gonna eat to, before the game starts.”  He nodded at his friend who had a couple of pizzas and some nachos.  “Want some?”

“Yeah.  Maybe a couple nachos.  Thanks.”

So Jamie made friends with Vern and Bill, who were in town on business and were huge Pens fans. 

\-----------------------

It was about mid-way through the first period, during a TV time-out, that Jamie heard the crowd noise increase into a round of applause and cheers.  He looked up at the jumbotron and smiled, and waved to acknowledge the fans.  Well, he made it longer than he expected.

The game was a typical Canada versus Russia affair, lots of checking.  Canada ended up winning in overtime.  As the crowd started heading out, Jamie worked his way across the rows of seats along the glass, stopping to sign autographs if asked.  He had to climb over a couple of railings along the way, but eventually he was in the section next to the runway off the Pens’ bench area.  He climbed up and hoped over, landing next to one of the equipment guys from Team Canada.

Jamie pulled out his ID and flashed the security guard who showed up almost as soon as Jamie’s feet hit the ground.  He smiled and motioned Jamie to go ahead.

When Jamie walked into the locker room, the first person he ran into was Price.

“Hey, somebody call security.  Some guy from the stands got in here.”

“Yeah, aren’t you funny Pricer.”  Jamie smacked him on the shoulder.  “Good game.”

“Thanks.  Your man is talking to the press.”

“Hey.  LB!  Who let you in here?” comes a call from across the room.  Toews.

“LB?” Kris asks from beside Jamie, who jumps.

“Where the hell did you come from?  Jesus.” Jamie stammers.

“I’m quick.  So what’s this LB thing?” he says as he walks over towards Toews and Duchene.

“LB.  Little Brother.  We’ve all kind of adopted him.” Toews explains.  “He’s been kind of like the annoying little brother hanging around.” He adds to Kris in French.

Kris laughs.

“What’d he say?”

“Nothing bad.”  Kris tells him.

Jamie waits next to Kris who visits with some of the other players.  Once he sees the media clear out he makes his way over to Sidney and sits down next to him.

“So.  Good surprise?” he whispers, leaning in close to Sid.

“Absolutely.”  Sid leans back against Jamie’s side.  “I’ve missed you.”

“You saw me last night.”

“Just for dinner.  Wish you’d have stayed.”

“Wish you weren’t flying out tonight.”

“You can always come with me.  Nobody will say anything about you flying with us.”

“No.  Much as I want… I’m just gonna stay here.”

 Jamie hangs out until Sid showers and gets dressed, then he walks him out to the bus.  There are catcalls, of course, when Sid pulls him in for a kiss before saying good-bye and getting on the bus. 

On the ride home, Jamie is quiet.

“You okay?” Kris questions.

“Yeah.  I just… I wanted to go with him.”

“I know.  You’ll see him in a week or two.  I’m sure they’ll go to the next round.  Probably to the finals even.”

“I know.”

“Until then.  We go meet the guys for some pick-up and workouts.  I’ll run you so ragged you won’t have time to miss Sidney.”

“Oh god help me.” Jamie whines.  Honestly though, he’s looking forward to getting back on the ice.


	3. We've Got Your Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Good so far.  You guys are doing well, too.”  Jamie replied.  
> “Hey that was something the other night, huh.  Domi laying out Kesler for you.”  
> “What?” Jamie wasn’t sure he heard right.  
> “Max Domi.  He went after Kesler because of what happened to you.  Didn’t he tell you that.  He told Marner that he sent you the video.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for heyheyhockeytown... hope you like this... thanks for the suggestion and cluing me in on the video!

November 4th

_For you._

Jamie doesn’t recognize the number from the text he gets.  There’s a video attached and he’s leery to open it, but the link says it’s something off nhl.com so he clicks it open anyway.

It’s a video of Max Domi fighting Ryan Kesler.  Well, it’s Domi laying out Kesler with one punch.

Jamie grins.  Then stops, wondering who would know to send him this video.

\--------------------

July 2016

Happy for the off-season, and the chance to all be in the same place, Mitch Marner, Connor McDavid, and Dylan Strome sit around the pool at Mitch’s house.  They’ve been talking about hockey and the likelihood that all three could be playing in the NHL next season, if Mitch can make the Maple Leafs.  They are pretty sure the Coyotes will keep Dylan up this year, they are rebuilding and focusing on their young talent.  Connor’s not sure where the question from Mitch comes from, however.

“Did you get hazed by any of the older players?”

“What do you mean?  They played some jokes on me, yeah.” Connor offers.

“No, I mean.” Mitch hesitates.  “I heard this rumor at the draft.  Nobody wanted to get drafted by the Ducks.”

When Mitch mentions the Ducks, the light comes on in Connor’s head.  “Oh, you mean…” He pushes his tongue against his cheek, the sign for a blow job.  “Uh, no.  Nobody on the Oilers tried anything like that.”

“You think the rumor is true?” Mitch presses.  “I mean, could that happen?”

“Could what happen?  I think I’m missing part of this story.”  Dylan sits up on his chaise lounge.

“Evidently one of the Ducks’ rookies got hazed by a couple of the vets.  Had to give them blow jobs.” Connor says, reaching for his water. 

“That’s what you heard?  I heard it was more,” Mitch’s tone takes on a serious edge.  “I heard they got him drunk and well, raped him.”

“Fuck no!” Dylan said.  “Are you shitting us?  That couldn’t have happened.  That would have been all over the league and Ryan would have told me.”

Connor plays with the bottle in his hand, keeping his head down.

“It’s true, isn’t it?” Mitch says, looking at Connor’s face.  “You know the whole story.”

“Yeah.  It happened.  He didn’t want anything done I heard.  The Ducks just brushed it off.  But I don’t see it happening on the Leafs or Coyotes.  Well, maybe the Coyotes.  I hear Doan likes rookies.”

“Shit.  He was really nice last year at training camp, and any other time I’ve met him.” Dylan lets out a whistle through his teeth.  “Guess you never know about guys.”

“I don’t know.  Just letting you know what I’ve heard.”  Connor says. The other two stare at him, obviously wanting details.  “Okay.  Evidently for most guys, once a Penguin always a Penguin.  So last February, the day before we are going to play the Ducks, one of the Pens or someone supposedly called Letestu.  During the game, he lays a few good hits on Ryan Kesler and Jakob Silfverberg.  So Ebs and Hallsy ask him what’s going on, cause Mark’s not really a hitter like that.  He says that Kesler and Silfverberg had assaulted this kid who was now with the Pens.  He was sending them a message.”

“Who?” Mitch says, trying to think of who the Pens player could be.  “I mean they traded for Hagelin, but he’s not a rookie.”

“Marsh.” Connor says.

“Holy shit!  Crosby’s boy?  I’m surprised they aren’t in a landfill somewhere.”  Dylan exclaims.

“He’s a really nice guy, too.  I met him at the awards in Vegas.” Connor adds.

“He’s like six four. How’d the hell they have sex with him without his okay?  I’d think he could handle himself okay.”  Dylan says. 

“You said they got him drunk.  That’s how.”  Mitch remarked.  “Holy shit is right.”

“Well if Doan is the type who likes rookies, you need to watch yourself Dyls.  Don’t go drinking alone with any of them.  Find yourself a buddy.”  Connor sounded like an overprotective parent.

“Church is going to be there.  I hope.” Dylan said.

“And Max is there,” Mitch added.  “I can call him and tell him to look out for you, pretty boy.”

“Oh fuck you, Marns.” Dylan tossed his empty water bottle at Mitch.  “And who’s going to protect your scrawny ass?”

“Me?  I’m small but feisty.”  Marner grins.

“Matthews.  He’s fucking huge.  He can be your bodyguard.”  Dylan giggles, then he whines out in a falsetto voice, “Oh Austin, you’re so big can you please be my lover and protect me?”

Mitch leaps up off his lounge chair and jumps on Dylan, using his weight and the element of surprise to push the bigger boy back, pinning him to the chair.  “What’s that?  Who needs protecting, Stromer?”

Connor watched Dylan struggle to get out from under Mitch, until Dylan finally gave up and just laid back.  Mitch smiled and dropped his head down to give Dylan a quick peck on the lips.

“You two are such idiots,” Connor chuckled at them. 

\--------------------------

November 5th

“Hey, long time no hear baby Penguin.  How goes?” 

“All good, Sasha.  Hey.  I have a question for you.  Are you still having guys go after Kesler for me?  Cause I told you to call off the attack dogs, remember.”

“I did call off.  Wait.  Oh, you talking about little Domi pitbull.  That was beautiful fight, no.  He fight like his papa.”

“You know Domi?”

“I have met father, not know son.”

“So you didn’t have anything to do with this?”

“No.  Why you think that?”

Jamie fills him in on the text, but Alex reaffirms that he had nothing to do with it. 

\---------------------------

November 8th

Jamie is skating around in circles at center ice, waiting for the second period of the game against the Oilers to start.  Connor McDavid skates up. 

“Hey, how’s it going.  First I’ve gotten to say hi.”

Jamie is a little surprised by McDavid’s friendliness.  They’d met in Vegas, and Jamie had chatted with him when he was in town for the World Cup exhibition game.  Team North America had practiced out at the center in Cranberry.  Jamie and a bunch of the guys were there working out that day.  McDavid had been cordial, but not what Jamie would have called friendly.

“Good so far.  You guys are doing well, too.”  Jamie replied.

“Hey that was something the other night, huh.  Domi laying out Kesler for you.”

“What?” Jamie wasn’t sure he heard right.

“Max Domi.  He went after Kesler because of what happened to you.  Didn’t he tell you that.  He told Marner that he sent you the video.”

Well that explains the mystery, Jamie thinks.  But he has no idea why or how Max Domi would have known about Kesler.

McDavid goes to skate away as the officials come out for the puck drop finally.  “And hey, we’ve all got your back, man.”

“Thanks,” Jamie mutters.  He’s really confused now.  Who’s this we McDavid is talking about.

After the game, Jamie rushes to get dressed and goes to wait outside the Oilers’ locker room for McDavid.

“Hey,” he says when McDavid walks out, “got a minute?”

Jamie leads Connor off to a spot where no one can hear them.

“Something you said didn’t make sense.  Um, who exactly has my back?  And how do you all know about what happened?”

McDavid looks a little apprehensive, “Well, Mark Letestu found out from one of your guys last year.  I think it was Malkin.  And then at the World Cup, Ovechkin cornered a bunch of us from the NA team and told us we needed to watch out for ‘wolves’ in the league and how none of us had better ever become a wolf.  Jesus, we thought at first he was talking about the Russian mafia or something.  Scared the crap out of Ekblad, and he’s not the type that scares easy, believe me.  Anyway.  That’s the we, the under 23 club from the World Cup started it.  Well, except that if you’re in, you’re in for life.  We know you got asked to play and turned them down, cause of the hospital thing Murray said.  Anyway.  We all still talk and well, we figure we all need to stick together.  And we’d like to include you in our group.  If you’d like.”

“How did Domi know?  About Kesler.  He wasn’t part of the NA team.”

“Mitch Marner and he are friends.  Played together in London a couple of years.”  Connor sees a look flash across Jamie’s face.  “I told Marns.  I’m sorry.  I guess I shouldn’t have, but well, I figured that I should give he and Stromer a head’s up about what some guys are like.  After what Ovechkin said to me later, I'm glad I did.”

Jamie starts putting it all together now.  McDavid knew.  McDavid and Marner are friends.  Marner and Domi.  Well, yeah, Alex was right that one time when he said it was hard to keep a secret in this league.

“Don’t worry about it.  It’s okay.” Jamie smiles, “So you guys have a group?  Murray’s in it?”

“Yep.”

“Why didn’t he say anything to me?”

“Cause.  I’m supposed to be the one asking guys to join the group.  Captain North America after all,” Connor looks embarrassed saying it.  “Anyway, we have a couple of different group chats, too.  One for just the guys who were on Team NA and one for everybody.  I should have texted you before I guess, but I wanted to do it in person.  I was going to come find you before I caught the bus tonight.”

“Okay.  Um, can I think about it a little, joining this group I mean?” 

“Yeah, sure, no problem.  Can understand.  You really don’t know any of us that well.  You got your phone?”  Jamie hands Connor his phone and Connor adds himself to Jamie’s contacts.  “Just let me know.”

\-----------------------------------------

The next day Jamie sends a text.

_Thanks!  Fucker deserved it!_

It’s a little while before he gets a response.

Domi:  _No prob man!  My dad has always said that sometimes you just gotta do what you know is right._

Domi:  _BTW… he’s a fan.  Never played for your dad as a coach but new him._

Jamie:  _I’m a fan of his tell him.  And… thanks again._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can check out video here
> 
> https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=domi+fights+kesler&&view=detail&mid=D6AC935BBA4CFD58755DD6AC935BBA4CFD58755D&rvsmid=2DA7C6D0FEF7E619AD7B2DA7C6D0FEF7E619AD7B&fsscr=0&FORM=VDQVAP


	4. Red Headed Woman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Halloween Party 2016... where Jamie loses a bet and Sid picks their costumes.

Hockey teams’ Halloween parties are epic events around the league, with players taking their costumes very seriously.  Many have make-up done professionally even.  The Pens, of course, are a team known for legendary costumes, and 2016’s party is one of the best.

Sid starts pestering Jamie as soon as he gets back from the World Cup to pick costumes.  They can’t come to an agreement, so Sid suggests a contest to determine what they’ll wear.  Jamie thinks that’s fair.  They let Kris determine what the competition will be, and he chooses a shoot-out competition, to which Jamie questions his thoughts about a fair competition.  Once Kris explains the rules, he’s sure there’s nothing fair about any of this.  It feels like a set-up.

“You each play goal to the other one.  Whoever score the most wins.  That seems like a good challenge.” 

“Yeah, except that Sid’s got freaking goalie aspirations.  I’m screwed.”  Jamie moans.

“You could just give in and go with my costumes and save yourself the embarrassment.”  Sid goads him on, knowing Jamie will not just give in.  Sid wants to get in the net against Jamie.

They come in early before practice to do their competition.  Jamie goes first as goalie.  Sid goes 7 for 10, which sucks.  He even shows off, beating Jamie on a spin-a-rama.  Fucker.

Jamie doesn’t fare so well, only going 4 for 10 on Sid.  Damn Sid, anyway, he says.  Fucker is good at everything he does.  So, the choice of costumes is Sid’s.  Fucking Fucker.

The party is the 23rd, because the Pens have that Sunday and Monday off before games on Tuesday and Thursday, and then leaving for a west coast trip.

The first of anybody else’s costumes Jamie sees are when Kris and Kuni post their pictures on Instagram.  Kris was one of the guys who went all out on his costume, with professional make-up.  He was dressed as Bill Turner from Pirates of the Caribbean while Catherine dressed as a mermaid.  Tommy and his girlfriend were going as pirates, because that made Tommy’s girlfriend happy and well, he was not about to tell her no.

The Kunitz’ also had their make-up done professionally.  Chris was Frankenstein and Maureen as his bride.  They all looked awesome, Jamie thought.

Flower and Vero came as an old married couple, with grey wigs.  Flower sported a pot-belly and Vero sported some sagging boobs.  They looked adorable.

A lot of the guys came as Mario characters with their significant others, including Rusty as Yoshi, Willy as Bowser, and Shears as Mario.  Hags also came as Mario. 

There were a lot of great costumes as it turned out.  Dales as Usain Bolt.  Coler as Slash and his wife Jordan as Axl Rose.  Fehrsy was the cutest Tigger, while Rachel Fehr made an adorable Winnie the Pooh with her very pregnant belly.  Bones came as Instinct and Lauren came as Valor from Pokemon Go.

Brian was going as Lumiere from Beauty and the Beast.  One of Jamie’s ideas had been for he and Brian to dress as Thing 1 and Thing 2 from Dr. Seuss while Sid and Kayla dressed as the brother and sister.  But Kayla had shot that down.

One of the highlights of the party, however, was when Jamie and Sid arrived.  Once Kayla shot down the Thing costumes, Jamie had wanted to still have a couple’s theme with Sidney.  He’d suggested they come as Sam and Dean Winchester from Supernatural.  But then he lost that stupid bet.

And Sid’s favorite show isn’t Supernatural.

It’s Game of Thrones.

Ugh.

As things started to get underway, a lot of the couples posted pictures on their Instagram or Twitter accounts.  Jamie checked out the costumes as he and Sid drove to the party.

“I hate you.”  Jamie pouted. 

“You lost.  Fair and square.”  Sid gloated.  “Besides, you look awesome.”

When they finally got there, Sid proudly walked into the party dressed as his favorite character, Jon Snow.  Complete with tight black leather, the fur cloak, and sword.  He looked awesome according to Hags.  Jamie had to agree to that, anyway.  Sid looked extremely hot in the leather, carrying that big ass Claymore around.

Jamie begged to go as anyone else.  As Robb Stark.  Or as Ramsey Snow.  Or even as Samwell Tarly.  

But no.  Sid informed him they were going as a couple and that meant that Jamie absolutely had to go as Jon Snow’s love interest.  The catcalls came when Jamie followed Sid into the room. 

As Ygritte. 

Complete with long, red hair and a fur cape. 

“I knew it!  We have been right all along about who is the girl in this relationship.”  Kris howled when he caught sight of them.  “You guys look great.”

“Shut up.  You knew didn’t you.  You knew what costumes he wanted when you picked that fucking shootout competition.”  Jamie grumbled.  “Bastard.  I thought you were my friend.”

About then, Flower sidled up next to Jamie and slipped his arm around Jamie’s waist. 

“Want some candy little girl?”  he said, leaning in to lay a big smooch on Jamie’s cheek.

“Flower, your true self is showing I see,” Jamie pulled away.  “Dirty ‘ol man!”

“How ‘bout you let me be your sugar daddy, Red?”

“I hate you all.”

“Oh lighten up, Red.  It’s Halloween and it’s a party.  Come on, I’ll protect you from all the mean boys while we get something to drink.”  Sid took Jamie’s hand and led him towards the open bar. 

When they walked past the table where Rusty and Shears were sitting, the two did a double take.

“Okay, I may have had too much alcohol already,” Rusty says into his glass.  “Damn.”

“What?  You’ve had one.” Conor says, not looking at Rusty, but staring at Jamie.

“Okay, then is it just me?  Or… does Jamie look fucking hot in that costume?” 

Conor turns then to look at Rusty.  He looks back at Jamie, then at Rusty again.

“Fucking hot.”

Cullen, who is dressed as Gerrit Cole, is leaning against the bar sipping at a gin and tonic, talking to Hags when Jamie and Sid walk up.  He stares at Jamie.

“So, what’s a pretty little thing like you doing in a place like this,” Culls teases.

“How ‘bout we buy you a drink and you dump this loser, baby.”  Hags chirps, nodding at Sid.  “Let two real men show you a good time, sweetheart.”

“Fuck both of you.”  Jamie grabs his water and walks off to find a table.

“Oh my god, Sid.  Those costumes are great,” Hags declares once Jamie has walked away.

“I know.”  Sid grins, “I just need to get him to lighten up about it.  You assholes aren’t helping.”

“Oh no, this is perfect.  We’re gonna be able to keep him wound up for weeks.”

Sid picks up his drink and makes his way to where Jamie is sitting.  The intense look he gets tells him all he needs to know.

“What.”

“You’re loving this, aren’t you.”  Jamie fumes. 

“Yes.  I am.  Cause you look awesome.”  Sid rests his hand over Jamie’s.  “And I love that you’d wear that for me.  So we could have these costumes.”

“I lost the fucking bet.”  Jamie scowls, “which I think was rigged from the start.”

“Maybe.  Maybe not.”  Sid smirks.  “Is it worth pouting and not having a good time tonight?”

“Maybe.”  Jamie glares at him.  “Maybe not.”

“You know, if you would relax and have some fun now,” Sid leans in to whisper in Jamie’ ear. “We can have some real fun later.”

Jamie pulls his head back, turning to stare at Sid, who waggles his eyebrows. 

“No.”

“Awe, come on.  You with that hair.  Jesus, I just want to get my hands all over you.”

“No.”

“It would be fun.”  Sid’s thumb rubs the back of Jamie’s hand, as he leans in again, brushing his lips over Jamie’s cheek.  “You like fun.”

Jamie closes his eyes.  Sid’s breath is warm on his cheek.  Sid nuzzles against his ear, taking the lobe between his teeth and sucking gently, sending tingles down Jamie’s spine.

“I hate you,” Jamie bemoans.  “Fuck.”

“Later,” Sid whispers.  “You wear that wig and I’ll do unspeakable things to you.”

Jamie’s having a hard time concentrating on anything other than Sid nibbling at his ear.  They are so engrossed in each other that they don’t hear Geno sit down at the table with them until Geno speaks up.

“So Sid, where Jamie?  He know you got much pretty new girlfriend?”

Sid straightens and sits back in his chair, looking smug.

“I know, G.  He’s gonna be so jealous.”  Sid plays along.

“So, pretty woman, you look like Russian winter princess.  I have thing for redheads, you know.  Maybe you leave Snow for me.  What say?  How ‘bout dance?”

“Go away, G.”  Jamie orders.  “You’re interrupting Sid apologizing for making me wear this.”

“Is that what I was doing?”  Sid laughs.

“Oh, is that you, Marshmallow?”  Geno taunts.  “You pretty girl.  Make lovely bride someday.”

\--------------------------------------------

Eventually, Jamie relaxed and let himself have a good time.  He’d given in and danced with Geno, and most of the other guys, too.  Everyone got a good laugh at he and Conor dancing to Bruce Springsteen’s Red Headed Woman.  Especially when Conor twisted his way into a squat when the line _well listen up stud, your life’s been wasted ‘til you got down on your knees and tasted a red headed woman._

On the ride home, Jamie holds Sidney’s hand across the center console of the Jeep.

“So, what was the real problem tonight?”  Sid gave Jamie’s hand a light squeeze.  “We’re you really that upset about having to wear that costume?  Or was it something else?”

“Does it matter?”

“Yes, because I don’t like you being upset.”

Jamie sighed.  “It doesn’t matter.  I just.  Did you have a good time?”

“Once you quit whining, yeah.”

“I wasn’t…”

“Bullshit.  You pouted for the first hour.  So what was wrong?”

Jamie tugged his hand away from Sid’s, “It wasn’t fair.”

The bet.

“No it wasn’t.” Sid admits.  “I don’t like to lose.”

“Well neither do I.  And you, I’ve come to find out, cheat.”

“How was that cheating?  It wasn’t like I paid Flower to let me win, that’s why we shot against each other.  That’s would have been cheating.”

“You’ve played goalie before.  I mean not on the ice that I know of, but in street games and for the deck hockey that time.  So it wasn’t fair.”

“So you really didn’t mind wearing that?”

Jamie shakes his head, “It was fine, even with all the harassment.  Which I’m sure I’m going to hear for months.”

“Yeah, yeah.  You love it when they pick on you.”  Sid retorted. “And you looked really good.”

Sid could just make out the droll smile that crossed Jamie’s lips in the dim light from the dash. 

“So, um, do I get to live out one of my deepest, darkest fantasies tonight?”  Sid licked his lips, looking hopeful.  “Gonna let me defile you?”

“Defile me?”

“Yep.  Debauchery.  Depravity.  Complete shameless, wanton desire?”

“Do I have to wear the wig?”

“Well that was the whole point to picking that costume.”  Sid stressed.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“As long as you keep the leather, stud.”

Jamie felt the Jeep accelerate.

“In a hurry to get home?”

“Oh hell, yeah!”  Sid grinned as Jamie reached over and took his hand again.


	5. Happy New Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a little something, short and sweet, to bring in the New Year.
> 
> Set between chapters 25 and 26 of The True Course...
> 
> Happy New Year everyone!

Jamie’s still giggling when Sid gets to their vehicle.Brian’s holding the door while Jamie fumbles with the seatbelt, having trouble using the arm that was hit by a Shea Weber slap shot. 

“Do you need help?” he laughs.

“I got it,” Jamie declares, trying to hook it with one hand.

“Here, let me.”Sid grabs the seatbelt and locks it in.

“Happy New Year, Dume-ass!”Jamie exclaims.

“Happy New Year, Fluff.Happy New Year, Sid.Have a good trip.”Brian replies.Sid wishes him a happy New Year as well and Brian closes the door, waving as Sid and Jamie drive away.

By the time they get home, the pain killers have really kicked in and Jamie is groggy instead of giggly.

“Sidney, is it midnight yet?”He leans against Sid as they walk into the house.

“Almost.Think you can make it upstairs by yourself?”

Jamie nods and stumbles off for the stairs while Sid goes to the kitchen to grab some water and a protein bar incase Jamie wakes up in the night and wants something, he didn’t get much to eat after the game.He climbs the stairs and steps into the bedroom.

Jamie is passed out on his stomach on the bed.

Sid sets the water and bars down on the bedside stand, changes into his sweats and gets ready for bed.Once he’s done with his routine, he comes back out and tackles the chore of getting Jamie ready for bed.For a minute he thinks about just tucking him in with his clothes still on, but that’s not a good idea.

He takes on the easiest part first, taking off Jamie’s shoes and tossing them over by the door.Next, he pushes on Jamie until he gets him to roll over onto his back.

“Sidney?”Jamie mumbles as Sid undoes his belt and pants.

“Yes, baby boy?”

“Is it midnight yet?  We need to celebrate at midnight.”

Sid looks at the clock while he tugs at Jamie’s pants, it’s already almost a quarter after 12. “Nope, not yet.Help me out here, fat ass.Lift up.”

“’Kay.”Jamie barely lifts his hip so Sid can pull his pants off.

Tossing them at a chair, Sid goes back to Jamie, unbuttoning his dress shirt.Once he has it unbuttoned, he gets Jamie to sit up while he takes his suit jacket and shirt off, tossing them on the chair with the pants.

“You want some sweats?” he asks when he turns to see Jamie trying to climb under the covers.

Jamie mumbles something and flops down onto the bed.Sid assumes that means no and goes over to pull the sheet and comforter up over Jamie who’s laying on his side facing Sid’s side of the bed.

Sid walks around and climbs in under the covers on his side, laying so he’s facing Jamie.Carefully he reaches out and cups Jamie’s face.

“Arm okay?”

“Mmmhhmmm...” Jamie’s all but asleep.“Midnight?”

“Just about, why.”

Jamie opens his eyes, struggling to stay awake.  He says softly, “Need to celebrate. Read something,” he yawns, closing his eyes. 

There's a pause and Sid thinks Jamie has fallen asleep, but then Jamie continues, "sumpin' about who you kiss at midnight is who you'll be with all year.  And... it's our first new year together."

Sid brushes his hand over Jamie’s cheek.  “We need to celebrate then, don't we.  It’s just about time.”He waits a few seconds.“Time to count down.”

“Ten.Nine.Eight.Seven.Six.” He counts.

Jamie mumbles with him.“Five.Four.Three.Two.One.”

Sid stretches over, his mouth finding Jamie’s for a slow, deep kiss.

“Happy New Year, Sid.” Jamie whispers, starting to fade again.

“Happy New Year, baby boy.”Sid kisses his forehead, before leaning back and turning to reach to turn off the lamp beside the bed.

He glances at the clock which reads 12:38.


	6. The Porn Sex Incident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That is not to say that he wouldn’t enjoy a good hard fucking right about now.  He could go wake up Sidney.  No.  Not fucking that asshole anytime soon.  Bastard keeping something like the fact he was in love with Geno a secret.  
> Dumes.  
> Well, there you go.  After all, what was a fuck buddy for if not to fuck you senseless in your time of need.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set between Chapters 28 and 29 of All of Me Loves All of You...
> 
> not quite as explicit as I imagined... but I hope you like it...  
> a drunk Jamie and poor Dumes...

Jamie staggers down the hotel hallway towards his room, that fucking Russian and his little Swedish center a step behind him.To make sure he got home okay, they had said.Fuck them, Jamie thinks, he can get back to his hotel all on his own, thank you very much.

He lost track of the vodka shots Alex kept putting in front of him quite a while ago, but at least that was all he’d been drinking.Jamie had learned not to mix alcohols a long time ago when he and Kyle had gotten really drunk at a summer party when they were really young, like 14.Jamie had, from that point on, stuck to one thing, be it beer or whiskey or in this case, vodka.At least when you puked it back up, it wasn’t as bad he thought.

It took him several failed attempts to swipe his keycard before Nicky just grabbed it out of Jamie’s hand and opened the door himself.As they entered the room, Jamie kicked of his shoes and flopped down face-first on the bed.

“Come on, rookie,” Alex said, reaching for the hem of Jamie’s shirt, “we get you tucked in bed before leave you.”

“Fuck off.” Jamie mumbled into the bed. “I’m good.Just leave.”

Nicky looked a bit perturbed with Alex as he tugged at Jamie’s shirt.

“Leave him.He will be fine.”

“No.Need make sure he doesn’t suffocate in bed.Sidney never forgive if let rookie die.”

“Oh my god, Sasha!I’ll bet Sidney doesn’t even know he was with us tonight.”

Alex turns, giving Nicky an evil grin.Truly evil.

“Maybe we should leave calling card?”

An evil grin to rival Alex’ spread across Nicky’s face.“I’ll run downstairs and see if I can get a marker.You get him undressed.”

Nicky grabbed the keycard and bolted out the door while Alex physically rolled Jamie over and tugged at his shirt again.Jamie was out cold, his breathing slow and steady in his drunken slumber.

\--------------------------------------------

Jamie laid there, not sure what time it was, or even where he was.Where was Sid?He forced his eyes open.The room was mostly dark, but it slowly came to Jamie.Hotel.D.C.As he became more awake he remembered going out, and why he’d gone out with that fucking Russian in the first place.

Sidney.

Jamie was fucking mad at Sidney because of what Alex had been chirping at Jamie during the game.

Fuck Sidney.

Fuck Ovechkin.

It had fucked with his head.

It had fucked up his game.

So, when Alex had texted him to join them at a bar, Jamie had gone.Just to get the whole story out of Alex, if that was even possible.The story of how Sidney had been in love with Geno.

Vodka.

Jamie ran his hand through his hair.Too much vodka.

Fuck.

The more Alex talked, the more Jamie drank.The more Jamie drank, the more pissed at Sid he got.

He rolled over onto his back and the realization that he was naked crossed his brain.Fuck again.He laid there, taking stock.No.He had not had sex.He was sure.None of the telltale aches from a good stretching.And he was pretty sure he hadn’t had Alex or Nicky’s cocks in his mouth either.

Hhhmmmm….

That is not to say that he wouldn’t enjoy a good hard fucking right about now.He could go wake up Sidney.No.Not fucking that asshole anytime soon.Bastard keeping something like the fact he was in love with Geno a secret.

Dumes.

Well, there you go.After all, what was a fuck buddy for if not to fuck you senseless in your time of need.

There was only one flaw in that theory, however.Jamie and Brian had yet to actually fuck.So far, their hook-ups had consisted of blow jobs, hand jobs, and rubbing off against each other.Jamie hadn’t even gotten Brian to give him a good finger-fuck yet, and Brain hadn’t let Jamie anywhere near his ass.

“God he’s so boring,” Jamie said to himself as he thought about it, slipping into a pair of sweats and his running shoes to head to Brian’s room.Really boring in bed.They hadn’t even really kissed since that first time.“Well it’s about time he gets with the fucking program.” Jamie muttered as he walked out into the hallway.

\-------------------------------------

Brian opened his eyes slowly.The room was mostly dark, just light from the streetlights outside filtering in around the curtains covering the windows.There was enough light to make out shapes and forms as he got up and made his way to the door, wondering who would be knocking at four-thirty in the morning.Somebody had better be dead, he thought.

“Fluff?What the hell’s wrong?” Brian stepped aside and let Jamie enter the room.As he pushed the door closed, Jamie was suddenly pushing him back against the wall.

Jamie’s hands pinned Brian’s shoulders to the wall, their chests pressed together as Jamie brought his mouth down on Brian’s.His tongue pushed against Brian’s lips until Brian opened his mouth, letting Jamie lick into it.Jamie kissed him that way – hard, demanding – until Brian responded, his hands coming up to grasp Jamie’s hips and pull them against his own.

“Jesus,” Brian said when Jamie finally broke away from the kiss, only to bury his face against Brian’s neck to lick and bite at the skin there.“Have you been drinking?”

“Mmmm hhhhmmmm….” Jamie mumbled.

“I don’t think this is a good idea, Jamie.”

Jamie answered by working his mouth down to Brian’s collarbone, trailing kisses from there down to a nipple.His tongue lapped at the little nub, his teeth held it and pulled at it, his mouth covered it and sucked.Brian let out a low moan.

Jamie licked the sensitive skin a few times, then pressed his tongue against Brian and licked a long, wet trail down his chest, over his stomach, stopping just at the top of his pajama bottoms.From that point, Jamie wasted no time slipping his fingers into the waistband and pulling the pants down, freeing Brian’s cock.

“Right, bad idea,” Jamie said before wrapping his lips around Brian and taking all of his semi-hard cock into his mouth.

“Shit, Fluff.” Brian held Jamie’s head, holding him down on his cock.“Shit.”

They stayed like that, Jamie sucking and licking Brian’s cock, his hands squeezing Brian’s ass cheeks.When Jamie felt Brian’s hips stutter and want to drive into his mouth, he pulled off.He looked up at Brian while he pulled his pajama bottoms all the way down and off, leaving them on the floor by the door.Jamie stood and pulled Brian to the bed, pushing him down on his back.

“You not up for a little fun?” Jamie murmured.

Brian’s cock was hard, “Yeah.Now that I’m awake.You better be able to finish what you started.”

Jamie kicked off his sneakers and slipped out of his sweats before climbing onto the bed and settling between Brian’s legs.He slid his arms under Brian’s legs and pushed his knees up, spreading Brian’s ass open in front of him.Without waiting or asking, Jamie buried his head between Brian’s cheeks and started licking feverishly at his hole.

“Jamie!What the fuck?” Brian protested.

“Just shut up and give it a try.Haven’t done anything you didn’t like yet, have I.” Jamie lifted his head to say, then went back to the job at hand.

Brian laid his head back on the pillows and closed his eyes.Jamie put his mouth over the soft pink opening, his tongue pushing against the tight muscle, lapping at the rim, but never pushing in.It didn’t take long before his efforts were rewarded with a low moan from Brian.

“Oh my god.”

Jamie’s tongue glided up and down over the sensitive skin between Brian’s hole and balls before he nuzzled his face against the warm, soft skin, nose and mouth pressed against Brian’s balls.Jamie took one ball and then the other into his mouth, sucking and pulling, letting them escape his mouth with a loud slurp.Brian reached down and twined his fingers into Jamie’s hair, urging him to move up and take his cock.

“Jesus, Jamie.”

Jamie licked up the underside of Brian’s cock, slowly, from base to tip and then back down.He pursed his lips and kissed against the base, carefully opening his mouth to grab a piece of skin between his teeth, nipping lightly.

“Fucker.”Brian smacked the top of Jamie’s head.“No teeth, remember.”

Jamie responded by kissing up Brian’s shaft and then sucking on the head.Jamie reached up and slid two fingers into his mouth next to Brian’s cock, sucking and licking, making them wet.After a few minutes, he took those fingers and reached around to slip first one and then the other into his own ass, slowly working himself open as his mouth bobbed up and down on Brian’s cock.

“God that feels so good,” Brian raised his head to look down at Jamie, giving his hair a tug.Jamie looked up at Brian through his eyelashes and smiled around him as best he could.“Take it all, Jame.That always feels so good.”

Jamie closed his eyes and pressed his lips snuggly around Brian as he lowered his head, taking him in inch by inch until his lips were tight against Brian’s skin at the base of his cock.Then Jamie stilled, holding Brian in his mouth, feeling Brian against the back of his throat.

“Fuck, yeah.”Brian groaned.“That’s it.”

Jamie swallowed and sucked on Brian, knowing that it was something the other man enjoyed.All the while, Jamie used his hand to keep opening himself up until he was ready and he knew Brian was close to coming.He pulled his mouth up and off Brian.Kissing him just above his cock at first, then licking his way back up Brian’s belly and chest, crawling up over his body until he was straddling Brian’s hips.

Jamie nuzzled into Brian’s neck.

“So, fuck buddy.I think it’s time we actually do the deed.” He pressed wet kisses up Brian’s jaw, before claiming his mouth.

Brian pulls back, “What?”

“I want fucked, fuck buddy.”

“Um, Fluff, I don’t,” Brian hemmed and hawed, “I, uh, you want to, um, I don’t…”

Jamie kissed him again, silencing Brian’s protests.He rolled his hips down against Brian’s, pressing their bodies together from chest to hip.

“I.” He kissed Brian’s jaw.

“Want you.” He kissed Brian’s neck.

“To fuck me.” He kissed Brian’s lips.

Jamie pushed his tongue into Brian’s mouth, licking at Brian’s tongue, working their mouths together roughly.Demanding.Taking.Brian’s hesitation melted away.

“My bag,” he said, “front pocket.”

Jamie slipped off the bed and went to retrieve a condom from Brian’s bag.He opened it and rolled the condom down over Brian’s hard cock as he straddled Brian’s thighs.Then he scooted his way up so his ass was over Brian’s cock.

“You sure, Dumes?”

“Yeah.Are you sure?”

“Oh, fuck yeah!”

Jamie reached down behind his ass and took Brian’s cock in his hand, giving it a couple of strokes to make sure it was hard, then he lined the tip up with his opening.When the tip pressed against the rim, Brian’s breath caught, not Jamie’s.Jamie pushed down and the head pushed past the ring of tight muscle.

“Fuck,” Jamie moaned.Brian didn’t say anything, just holding his whole body still.

Jamie rocked his hips down, letting Brian slide in slow and easy, inch by inch.Fuck he’s big, he thought.Once he was sure Brian was in far enough, he brought he let go of his cock and brought his hands around to rest on Brian’s chest.He rocked back the rest of the way so that his ass hit Brian’s hips, his cock buried all the way inside Jamie.

“Oh fuck, Jame.”Brian finally moaned out.“Jesus you’re so fucking tight.”

Jamie paused for a few seconds, letting his ass adjust to the stretch, to the fullness of Brian’s cock, then he started rolling his hips back and forth.Brian grabbed Jamie’s arms, his fingers digging in to Jamie’s biceps.

“Oh holy fuck.”

“Yeah, I know.”Jamie added a slight up and down movement to the rolling.“Should… have… been… doing… this… before…” he said between short breaths.His breath hitched as his movements became more pronounced, his ass lifting up almost off Brian’s cock before dropping back down.Brian reached down and held Jamie’s hips as Jamie worked himself up and down.

Jamie hunched over so he could kiss Brian while he rode him, his hands running up and down Brian’s chest.Jamie let his fingernails scrap across Brian’s nipples, making Brian suck in air as Jamie tried to kiss him.Jamie sat back up, bouncing himself up and down on Brian’s cock, his chin dipped to his chest as he panted out short, fast breathes at the effort.His hands working over Brian.

Brian’s mind was reeling, the waves of pleasure shooting through him unlike anything he’d felt before with Jamie.This was nothing like sex with any girl, this was absolutely the tightest fuck he’d ever had, and while his brain might not have been completely with the program, his cock most definitely was.Brian looked down between them and in the dim light he could see Jamie’s cock bobbing up and down, hard, the tip glistening.

Brian started to arch his hips up, meeting Jamie’s ass as it came down.He felt Jamie’s cock smack against his abs as he watched it.He was getting close, the new sensations pushing him to the edge fairly quickly.Just when Brian thought he was going to come, Jamie stopped moving and rolled his hips up, letting Brian slip out of him.

“Oh no.”Jamie shifted so he was beside Brian instead of straddling him.“Not that fast, buddy.”

Brian was having trouble thinking straight, having trouble following what Jamie meant.Jamie crawled up to the head of the bed and kneeled there, his hands braced against the wall.He spread his knees out wide and arched his ass out.

Brian rolled over and kneeled behind Jamie, scooting in close, he took his cock in his hand, holding the condom on as he got closer to Jamie.Jamie dropped his hand down from the wall, though, and took Brian’s hand, guiding it to his ass.

“Fingers.”

Brian hesitated for only a second before he pushed his hand between Jamie’s ass cheeks, his middle finger finding Jamie’s hole and pushing into it in one motion.Jamie sucked in air through his teeth at the sharp penetration.

“Fluff?”Brian asked, not moving for a second, one hand holding his cock, the other jammed into Jamie’s ass.The early morning light was starting to filter into the room and Brian was able to make out Jamie’s form better, and he was able to make out the marker on Jamie’s ass.“Why does it say…”

“Just fuck me, already.”Jamie cut him off, pushing back against Brian’s finger.“Two.Two fingers, Dumes.”

Brian slipped a second finger in next to the first, deciding to just ignore the writing on Jamie’s ass for now.Between his pushing in and Jamie’s pushing back, Brian’s fingers were both soon sinking in to the knuckles with each thrust.Jamie’s breath was coming in short pants, low moans of pleasure coming from the back of his throat.Brian had never seen or heard him like this.

He watched his fingers working in and out of Jamie’s ass, watching them disappear into the tight space, feeling how smooth and warm it was.He had his hand palm up as he fingered Jamie at first, then he turned it over and crooked a finger.He knew the minute he hit Jamie’s prostrate by the way Jamie’s hips stuttered and his body shook.He did it again.

“Oh, fuck.” Jamie practically keened.“That’s it, Dumes.Right there, oh fuck.”

Brian’s not sure how long he kneeled there, mesmerized by his fingers fucking into Jamie and the way Jamie’s body was responding.He pulled them out a few times and watched Jamie’s hole flex open and closed.He kept doing it until his hand started to get tired, finally pulling them out completely and slapping Jamie on the ass lightly.

“Come on,” he got off the bed and stood near the edge.Jamie shifted so he was on his hands and knees, his ass at the edge of the bed in front of Brian.

Brian got himself between Jamie’s legs and without waiting, pushed his cock into Jamie.He grabbed Jamie’s hips and held him steady and he started slowly thrusting in and out.

“Come on, Dumes.Fuck me.”Jamie moaned.“Slap my ass.”

Brian wasn’t sure he heard him.

“Slap my ass, Dumes, come on.”Jamie looked back over his shoulder at Brian.

Brian smacked him on one cheek.

“Fuck yeah.Come on.Harder.”

Brian slapped him again, harder this time.His hips moved in and out against Jamie’s ass.

“Harder.Not the slapping.The fucking.”Jamie urged.

Brian held Jamie’s hips again and started thrusting harder, pulling out slowly and then driving in hard and deep, repeating that motion.Jamie’s gave out a little ‘oh’ or an ‘oh fuck’ with each thrust forward of Brian’s cock.After a few slow hard thrusts, Brian started driving into Jamie.Short.Fast. Hard.

“Come… on… Dumes…” Jamie stuttered out.“Put… some… god… damn… ass… into… it…”

Dumes’ grip tightened on Jamie’s hips as he snapped his own hips back and forth, the sound of his balls slapping against Jamie’s ass filling the room.

“That’s it,” Jamie huffed.“Hard.Oh, fuck.”

“Damn, Fluff.Gonna come.”

Jamie reached down between his legs and found his own cock, which had been bobbing against his abs.He was hard and leaking precome, it only took a few strokes for him to come, spurting strips of white fluid up his stomach and chest.His body tensing and tightening around Brian’s cock as his orgasm hit him.

Brian felt him tense, and when his ass clenched around Brian’s cock, that was all it took.Brian jammed his cock in hard and held it deep in Jamie as his come filled the condom.He held his cock deep in Jamie and ground their hips together as he finished coming, then he stroked in and out a few more times before withdrawing completely.

Jamie collapsed down onto the bed as Brian carefully pulled off the condom and tied it off.His legs were shaky as he turned and tossed it towards the waste basket, then he flopped down on his back next to Jamie on the bed.

Jamie managed to raise himself up on his elbows.He reached over and patted Brian on the chest.

“That a boy.I knew you had it in you.”

“Jesus, Fluff.That was, that was…”

“Yep.” Jamie pushed himself up off the bed.He found his sweats on the floor.As he slid them on, he saw Brian looking up at him.“What?That was awesome, fuck buddy.Job well done.”

“Did you know you have, um…”Brian tried to point at Jamie’s backside.

“What?”Jamie thought Brian was talking about the come covering his chest.“Yeah, I know.I’ll wipe it off with a towel before I go.”

Jamie slipped his sneakers on, leaned down and gave Brian a kiss, stopped in the bathroom to run a towel over his chest, then said good-bye and slipped out of the room.

Brian laid on the bed, trying to figure out what had just happened.Porn.That was all he could think about.The only time he’d been exposed to sex like that was watching porn.


	7. Thirty Days - The Expanded Version

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie's 30 days at Parkerson Behavioral...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter include...  
> *Talk of suicide/suicidal thoughts *Mention/depiction of graphic violence *PTSD *triggers *flashbacks *nightmares *psychological inpatient treatment *brief talk of a violent death during military/war service *ableist language? 
> 
> I don't think that's everything... I'm not good at tagging... so if you find something you think needs mentioned... let me know...
> 
> ... some of the details of things, and what his counselor and Sid say to him may be upsetting... 
> 
> thanks to Heyheyhockeytown and Genuine Risk for the song suggestions...

Day 1

_Sid:  Good morning!  I thought we could do something to make the days go by faster.  This is the 30 Day Music Challenge.  Every day, I send you a song, first thing in the morning.  Can be anything… but will always be a special message to you that you’ll get. You send me a song at the end of your day, last thing you do before you go to sleep after we chat of course..  To tell me how you are feeling or what you are thinking about.  Up to it??_

_Sid:  That first song doesn’t count.  This is your first song.  I thought I’d get your day started with a little reminder of how much I love you._

_Sid:  My Guy by Mary Wells_

_Jamie chuckled as he clicked on the link and listened to the song, he couldn’t help singing along.  A few minutes later, his phone chirped again._

_Sid:  Well?_

_Jamie:  Thirty Days In The Hole_

_Jamie:  I’m in.  First song was a good choice.  Made me smile.  Think I’m gonna go run in the gym, breakfast starts at 6:30 and then first session with Stone is at 7:30.  Anyway.  No phone all day, remember that… stupid rule if you ask me.  I’ll call tonight.  Love you!_

That night, Jamie told Sid his first full day at Parkerson had been just okay.  The song he’d sent Sid was _Would It Matter_ by Skillet.  It was sad and depressing.  Sid knew about depression, having dealt with it during his concussion recovery.  It had been bad, but never like what he knows Jamie is dealing with every day.  He knows Jamie’s depression is bad, but he had no clue just how bad it was for Jamie if this song was an indication. 

\--------------------------------------------------------

Day 2

It was going to be a long thirty days while Jamie was a patient there given the way he had been on the phone the first two nights. Sid sat looking at his laptop after he ended his call with Jamie on his second night at Parkerson.  He went to Youtube and started searching for songs.  Finally settling on the one he thought would let Jamie know how he felt about him.  The next morning, he woke at five o’clock and sent Jamie the link.

Sid:  _Can’t Smile Without You – Barry Manilow_

He waited for a little bit and when he didn’t get a response, he went back to sleep.  Jamie had said he had a busy day scheduled, so Sid wasn’t overly concerned.

Jamie’s second full day started the same as his first.  Except on his first, he got away with not talking during his group sessions.  The next morning, when he met with Stone, the doctor told Jamie that the groups only worked if you actually participated. 

“They’re designed so that you are sharing with people who’ve had similar experiences, Jamie.  You get and give support.”

So, just sitting there wasn’t an option, he was expected to speak up, to talk about his issues with these people.  Total strangers.  He wasn’t sure he was ready.  By the end of the day he was ready to just leave, thinking that it had been a mistake to come here, doubting everything about his decision to do this.

His conversation with Sid that night started with him giving Sid a hard time about his song choice.  Sid took it all in stride.

“I happen to like Barry Manilow,” Sid informed him, rather seriously.  “And I know you do.  I’ve heard you singing his songs, so don’t even try to pretend you don’t.”

“Okay.  Guilty.”  Jamie admitted. 

Their conversation turned towards Jamie’s day and the groups.  Sid could hear it in Jamie’s voice that this wasn’t what he expected when he agreed to go to Parkerson.  By the end of the call, Jamie said he felt better.  Sid wasn’t so sure he was telling the truth.  When Jamie sent his song, Sid knew he wasn’t.

Jamie: _If I Told You by Jason Walker_

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Day 3

Sid:  _Perfect by Vanessa Amorosi_

Sid:  _Love you… one day at a time, baby boy…_

Jamie’s session with Stone was strained, to say the least, because Jamie complained about being there, telling Stone this had been a mistake, that he didn’t feel comfortable sharing with strangers.  And, after just a couple of days, the anti-depressant was making him feel weird again.  Stone reassured him that he didn’t have to share what he didn’t want, but that it really would be beneficial to Jamie’s treatment.  And, they changed his medicine again.

In addition to offering counseling services, Parkerson offered classes on ways to deal with depression, anxiety and other mental, emotional and behavioral issues.  Stone suggested, not so politely, that Jamie maybe take advantage of his surroundings and go sit in on a few of those sessions, too.  Jamie said he’d been over all of that with Janet the last two years.  Stone looked him square in the eye and simply said, “yeah, and have you been using any of the techniques she told you about?”

That afternoon, Jamie took a yoga class.  It wasn’t like stretching with Trinca or the trainers, and kind of reminded him of the broken arm incident with Kyle.  Where Jamie had insisted that he didn’t bend enough to suck his own dick, but Kyle had insisted that they try.  Thinking about that memory made Jamie chuckle, which of course, brought shushing from the instructor.

Jamie spent the rest of the day thinking about Kyle.  By the time he talked to Sid that night, he sounded worse to Sid than he had the other nights.  Sid debated about just flying home when Jamie sent his song.

Jamie:  _Sound of Silence by Disturbed_

\------------------------------------------------------------------

Day 4

Sid:  _Fix You by Coldplay_

Sid:  _Call me if it’s too bad and I’ll come…_

Jamie decided to try something different each day, partly because he didn’t want to take yoga again.  He went to a painting class.  It was okay.  The exercise was to think about someone they had loved and lost, and to paint something to reflect that relationship.  Jamie’s picture ended up being a very abstract hodgepodge mix of dark, depressing colors.

The PTSD group meet after the art class, so Jamie figured he would sit in on it.  Give it another try.  As he sat there this time, listening to one guy talk about having nightmares, something clicked in his head.  He was unexpectedly lost in his own thoughts, unable to focus on what was happening, images of his father running through his brain.  He was startled back to reality when someone shook his shoulder.

“Hey man, you okay?  Group’s done.”

Jamie couldn’t remember the guy’s name, he knew he was a veteran though, having heard part of his story the first day.  Jamie shook his head at him and got up and left.  He went back to his room and sat in there shaking until Janet had come looking for him because he didn’t show up at their session. 

That night, he couldn’t talk to Sid because Sid was flying out to California to do some promotional videos.  He texted him his song.

Jamie:  _Hurt by Trent Reznor_

Sid:  _Call me… talk to me…_

Jamie:  _No._

Sid:  _Text then… tell me what’s going on… what happened today?_

Jamie:  _Going to bed.  Maybe tomorrow._

\-----------------------------------------------------------

Day 5

Sid:  _Right Here by Ashes Remain_

Sid:  _thinking about you… always…_

Jamie listened to Sid’s song and then went to the gym to workout.  The guy from group was there running on one of the treadmills, Jamie wasn’t in a mood to have to talk, so he stood by the free weights for a few minutes debating before he finally stepped onto the treadmill next to him. 

“Hey, things better this morning?”  What’s his name said.  “You really zoned out yesterday.”

Jamie nodded his head, “Fine.”

“Jamie, right?  I’m Ryan.”

Ryan.  That was it. 

“I was waiting yesterday for you to end up on the floor.  One big pile of flashback hell.”

Jamie glanced over at Ryan, but kept running, not offering any response.

“Look, man.  Everybody in that group’s been there, done that.  So don’t freak out if it happens.  Why we’re all here, right?  Anyway.  You weren’t at dinner last night, so I got a little worried.  I’ve seen you in here in the mornings.  Hoped you’d show.”

Jamie kept his eyes focused straight ahead. 

“I’m gonna tell you something, okay.  It helps if you talk about it with people who understand.  That’s the reason for doing group sessions, so we can all support each other.  You’ll get more out of it if you share your story.  Trust me.”  Ryan stopped his treadmill then and left.

Jamie went back to his room, skipping his session with Stone and not going to any groups or activities all day.  Janet showed up at his door with a dinner tray around 6 pm.  They sat and talked for over two hours.

That night Sid did all the talking on the phone as Jamie would only give him one word answers.  Before he said good-night, Sid offered again to come home.  Even if Jamie didn’t check out, Sid could at least come visit, he said.  Jamie told him no, again.  He would keep trying to tough this out.  It was just harder than he thought.

Jamie:  _You Don’t Know by Westlife_

_\--------------------------------------------------------------------------_

Day 6

Sid:  _Bridge Over Troubled Water by John Legend_

Sid:  _Tell me everything.  I’m not going to leave you.  I love you._

Jamie goes and runs, then does some lifting.  He goes over his day with Stone.  Gets a lecture, of course.  Goes to group and sits there, lost in his own thoughts again.

He’s sitting in the dining room eating dinner, alone at a table on the far side of the room, away from everyone and everything.  A tray hits the table, startling him out of his thoughts.

“So, nobody sitting here?  Good, don’t mind if I do.” Ryan sits down.  “Here’s the thing.  I saw you that first day in group and my initial thought was what does the big hockey star have to be depressed about.  I mean, come on, 20, in the NHL, married to Sidney Crosby of all people.  Got life by the balls.”

Jamie glared at him across the table.

“Then I had to stop myself.  See, I realized I was doing what I hate others for doing.  For judging.  For doubting.  For not understanding.  But then, you don’t talk.  You don’t offer anything.  I’m guessing it’s the whole group thing you don’t like.  So, how about we form our own group.  You and me.  And you tell me what brought you here, okay.”

Jamie pushed the food around on his plate, his anger rising.  Who the fuck did this guy think he was?  And, he knew who Jamie was?  Well, okay, that wasn’t such a surprise, Jamie was probably pretty recognizable to hockey fans in Pittsburgh by now.  But still.

“So?  Waiting?”  Ryan says.  When Jamie doesn’t talk, Ryan continues.  “Okay.  I’ll tell you what I know.  You tried to off yourself last year.  I’m guessing that you’ve tried, or at least thought about it since then, or you wouldn’t be here.  I know you had somebody close to you commit suicide, cause I saw you going to that group.  And I’ve seen enough about you in hockey news to know your parents died in a car accident.  All that messed you up.”

Jamie kept his eyes focused on his plate, listening.  When Ryan didn’t say anything else, Jamie raised his eyes to look at him.  Ryan was calmly eating, taking another bite of chicken and chewing slowly.

“You don’t know anything about me.”  Jamie snapped.  “Look, just leave me alone okay.”

“Look, superstar, you can mope around here like it’s the end of the world and you can fight the docs all day.  But that’s not why you came here.  You came here because you figured out you needed help.  We all did, at least those of us who are here of our own volition.  So, you came here for help.  Accept the help that’s being offered.”

They sat in silence for almost ten minutes before Jamie spoke up again.

“Alright.”

“Alright what?”  Ryan smiled.

“Did Stone put you up to this?”  Jamie postulated, smirking when Ryan shook his head. “Alright then.  I’ll try.  On one condition.”

“What’s that superstar?”

“Don’t call me that again.”

Ryan took another bite of his meal.  Jamie stared at him.  “Well?”

“I’m still thinking, superstar.”

That night, Jamie told Sid about Ryan.  Sid was a little concerned at first, until Jamie said something that made him think that things would be okay.

“Sometimes, I just need an asshole pushing me to do what I need to do.”  Jamie said.  “So, today, I talked about him, in group.”

Jamie recounted the story he’d remembered about his father, his birth father.  He and Sid talked about how it felt strange to Jamie to call the man his father.  To Jamie, Bill Marsh was his dad.  Sid made a suggestion, and that was the night that James Russell stopped being Jamie’s dad.  From that point on, he was just James.

Jamie:   _Be Somebody by Thousand Foot Crutch_

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

Day 7

Sid:  _I’ll Stand By You by The Pretenders_

Jamie gets up and goes to the gym to run and workout.  Sure enough, Ryan is there waiting for him.  As they lift weights, Ryan tells Jamie his story.  Ryan’s an Iraq war veteran, having done two tours.  Two months after he’d gotten home from his second tour, his mother had made him dinner when he’d been home for a visit.  She’d made chocolate pudding for dessert.  When she put a bowl down in front of him, he’d fallen apart. 

“Chocolate pudding?”  Jamie asks.

“My best friend in my unit and I were sitting in camp, eating chocolate pudding.  A sniper took him out.  I was sitting next to him.  Laughing about shit one minute and the next, his brains are in my pudding.”

Fuck.  Jamie had no idea.  He didn’t know what to say, so he didn’t say anything.  Ryan sensed his uneasiness.

“It’s okay.  It took me five months before I could even look at the pudding in the cafeteria without ending up a pile of blubbering waste.”

“Five months?  How long have you been here?”

“Seven months.”  Ryan looks at his watch.  “Seven months, eight days, and sixteen hours.  After the episode at my mom’s, things kept getting worse.  Nightmares.  Flashbacks.  I mean, I’d be sitting somewhere, like on the bus and in my mind, I’d be back in Iraq all of the sudden.  I could see it, hear it, fuck, I could smell it.  Before long I couldn’t go to work, couldn’t go out anywhere, not even for food.  I couldn’t leave my apartment.  When I couldn’t take it anymore, I tried to kill myself.  That’s when I ended up here.”

Jamie takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly.  All things considered, his life wasn’t that fucked up.  He shook his head, chasing that thought out of his mind.  Janet was big on telling him not to compare his situation to anyone else’s.  “We all deal with things differently.”  Janet told him more than once.   “We all have different tolerance levels for things that happen.”

“So, superstar.  You said I didn’t know anything about you.  Why don’t you clue me in?”  Ryan says as he steps back from spotting Jamie’s bench presses.  His voice brings Jamie back to the present.  “You don’t say much in group, even when you do talk.”

Jamie sits up.  When he doesn’t say anything for a few minutes, Ryan slaps him on the back.

“Maybe tomorrow.” Ryan picks up a towel and hands it to Jamie.  “Let’s go get cleaned up and get some breakfast.”

Jamie:  _Believer by Imagine Dragons_

\----------------------------------------------------------------

Day 8

Sid:  _Reach Out by The Four Tops_

Jamie starts his second week at Parkerson feeling a bit hopeful.  At least they seem to have worked out his issues with any medication.  Whatever they have him on now is helping and without side effects.

Jamie: _Pieces by Red_

\----------------------------------------------------------

Day 9

Sid:  _Never Be The Same by Red_

“Hey Superstar.”  Ryan greets Jamie as he walks into the gym.  “How ya feeling this morning?”

“Eh.”

Jamie steps on the treadmill next to Ryan.  He punches in his settings and starts his run.  Not five minutes in, he abruptly steps off and hits the kill switch.  Ryan gives him a puzzled look as Jamie just stands there for several seconds before he turns and walks out of the room.

Ryan sees Jamie several times throughout the day coming out of a couple of groups in which Ryan doesn’t participate.  That afternoon, Jamie skips the group he and Ryan are in together.  Then, Ryan doesn’t see Jamie at dinner. 

When Jamie doesn’t come out to the commons to watch the movie, Ryan starts to worry that he’s done or said something wrong.  All he can do, though, is wait and see.

That night, Sid does all the talking again as Jamie is extremely quiet.  One word answers being the sign that Sid reads as something being wrong.   He tries to coax it out of Jamie, but doesn’t have any luck.  After they say goodnight, Sid’s phone chirps with Jamie’s song text.

Jamie: _According to You by Orianthi_

Jamie:  _Found song this morning.  Makes me think of James.  Haven’t been able to get it out of my head all day._

Jamie:  _Love you._

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Day 10

Sid:  _If You’re Not The One by Daniel Bedingfield_

The next morning, Ryan worries when Jamie doesn’t show up to workout first thing in the morning.  He’s sure, now, that he’s done something wrong.  He’s sitting by himself near the windows in the dining room when he sees Jamie come in.  He watches him fix a tray, then is surprised when Jamie makes his way across the room and sits down at the table with him.

They sit and eat their breakfast in silence.  Jamie’s almost finished when he finally says something.

“My... James.  He killed himself when I was six.  He, we, we didn’t have much of a father son relationship growing up.  I don’t think he wanted me, ever.  Anyway.  My birth mom died of cancer and two months later he shot himself.  I, uh, I found him.”

“I’m sorry.  That had to be a lot for a six-year-old to take.”

“Yeah.  But then, my best friend.  Kyle.  I called him Kicks, long story, but well, he killed himself, too.  When I was 17 and he was 18.  He was,” Jamie looks up from where he’s been staring at his plate. “he and I were together.  My first boyfriend.”

Two.  Ryan sucked in air between his teeth.  Having one person, your father even, do that, but having two people you loved.  Yeah.  Jamie was right, Ryan didn’t know anything about him. 

“I was on the phone with him, trying to talk him into just coming home.  His dad, he was an asshole to Kicks.  Some shit happened and he sent Kicks away.  Anyway.  He couldn’t deal with everything.  With being gay.  With his dad.  With being away.  I heard the accident, when he drove into a tree on purpose.”

Ryan shook his head slowly, “I can’t imagine.  Wow.  I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, it’s not like having your best friend shot by a sniper.”

“Hey, no comparing, remember.  Everybody bears their own cross.”  Ryan reminds him.  “Your struggles are just as valid.  So, what happened yesterday?  I was worried I’d done or said something wrong.”

“A song.  I heard this song and it made me think about him.  I’m tackling my issues with him in one of the groups this week and well, I’m not doing so well with it.”

“Okay.  Want to tell me about it?”  Ryan asks patiently.  “Sometimes, one on one with someone – not Doc Stone or a counselor – can help.”

Jamie pauses for a moment, then nods his head.  They spend the morning sitting in the dining room talking.  Jamie telling Ryan about feeling worthless, unloved.  How he doubts things he does.  The worries about people he loves leaving him.  Ryan listens when Jamie needs him to listen.  He talks when Jamie needs him to talk.  By the end, Ryan has a much better understanding of the superstar.  And a lot more respect.

That night, Sid’s schedule keeps them from talking on the phone, but Jamie sends his song and another note.

Jamie:  _A Beautiful Lie by 30 Seconds To Mars_

\--------------------------------------------------------

Day 11

Sid:  _I Wanna Grow Old With You by Westlife_

Sid:  _Never leave you._

Jamie:  _Broken by Lifehouse_  

Jamie jolts awake, shaking and in a cold sweat.  He tries to close his eyes, to quiet his breathing, but the images won’t go away.  James, on the couch, the image that was burned into Jamie’s memory that day.  So much blood.  So much...

He reaches to the nightstand, trying to find his phone.  He enters the number and hits send.  It rings, and goes to voicemail.  He frantically dials again.  And again. And again.  Until finally he gets an answer.

“Jame?  What’s wrong, baby boy?”  Sid says sleepily.  “It’s, what, after 3?”

“I... I...  Sid...” Jamie stutters out.  Sid can hear him breathing heavily.

Sid is instantly wide awake, the panic in Jamie’s voice, in just those few words, like a bucket of cold water in his face.

“What’s wrong?  Breathe.  Just breathe.  It’s okay.  Nightmare?”

“I... yeah... fuck... I...”  Jamie says between breaths.  “Just... just... talk to me...”

“It’s okay.  What should I talk about?”

“Don’t... care...”  Jamie tells him.  “Just... just talk...”

Sid tells him about his day, about the cookout his parents had for him.  About his plans to fly home to Pittsburgh the next week.  About just, nothing.  What he doesn’t do, is ask Jamie to tell him about the dream.  He listens as Jamie’s breathing evens out, slowing to normal eventually. 

“How we doing?”  Sid says after nearly a half-hour of talking.

“’Kay.”

“Think you can get back to sleep?”

“’Kay.”

“Tell you what.  You lie back down, put the phone by your ear and I’ll just keep talking.  You close your eyes and try to go back to sleep.  If I say something and you don’t answer, I’ll figure you’re asleep and hang up, that work?”

“’Kay.”

An hour later, Sid quietly says, “Jame?  Baby boy?”

He gets no response, so he listens carefully for any sounds from the other end.  When he’s convinced Jamie is asleep, he shuts his phone off and rolls over to try and go back to sleep himself.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

Day 12

Sid:  _Not Alone by Red_

Jamie:  _Black Gives Way to Blue by Alice In Chains w/ Elton John_

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

Day 13

Sid:  _All I Need To Know by Thousand Foot Krutch_

Jamie:  _Don’t Deserve You by Plumb_

It’s the third night in a row that Jamie has called Sid in the middle of the night, shaking and crying after waking up from a nightmare.  This one had been about Kyle. 

“I was with him.”  Jamie says at one point.  It’s the first time he’s said more than a couple of words.

“What’s that?  With him where?”

“In the car.  I was dreaming that I was with him in the car, that night.  We were together.  I was telling him we needed to go home.  That I’d take care of his dad.”  Jamie said, then got quiet.

“Baby boy?  What happened when you said that.”

“He.  That’s when he said we couldn’t do that.  That he couldn’t let him hurt me.”  Jamie whispered, his voice getting shaky again.  “Then I... he...”

“It’s okay.  Take a deep breath.  Then what?”  Sid patiently encouraged him to keep talking it out.

“Then he started to drive faster.  I tried to tell him to stop.  It was like I felt the car swerve and saw the tree, then all of the sudden I was outside the car watching as he crashed into the tree.”  Jamie told him.  “I walked up to the car and I could see him inside.  He was all, he was like James.  But then...”

“What?”  Sid wondered what else there could be.

“No.  I... I can’t... I don’t want to talk about the rest.”

“Is that when you woke up?  When you saw him like that?” 

“No.”

“What made you wake up then.  Something else happened.  Tell me.”

“It was me.”

“Huh?”

“In the car.  When I looked again.  It wasn’t Kicks or James.  It was me.”

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

Day 14

Sid:  _Say You Won’t Let Go by  James Arthur_

“Do you still think about hurting yourself?”  Jamie asked Ryan as they were lifting weights.  Ryan was spotting Jamie as he did bench presses.

“No.”  Ryan states, matter-of-factly.  “I don’t think about it.”

“Then why do you stay here?”  Jamie asks as he pushes the barbell up.

“Because just not thinking about it doesn’t mean that I’ve dealt with the issues that made me think about it in the first place.”

Jamie puts the bar and weights back in the rack and sits up, turning around to face Ryan.

“Why’d you ask?” Ryan eyes him suspiciously.  “Superstar?”

“Just having a bad week.”

“And?”

“I still think about it.  About just not being here.  I’ve been here two weeks and I don’t think I’m in any better place than I was when I came.  I was just wondering if at some point, things would get better.  But, what you said, you’re right.  The issues aren’t ever going to go away.  So maybe, that thought is never going to go away.”

Ryan bends down, resting his forearms on the barbell.  “Thinking about isn’t necessarily the problem you need to deal with.  I’d bet if you asked a hundred people, most of them would say that they maybe have thought about hurting themselves at some point.  What you need to deal with is what you do so that you don’t act on those thoughts.  Coping.  It’s all about how you cope.  You call someone and talk to them.  You surround yourself with family or friends, or just people, so you aren’t alone.”

Jamie furrows his brow.

“Think about it.  Except for very rare instances, suicide is done in privacy.  When the person feels alone, when they are alone.  What’s kept you from doing it?  Those other times you told me about.  What stopped you?”

“I don’t know.  I thought about Sid, about how he’d feel if I did it.  I mean, I didn’t want him to feel the way I do, because of what I went through with James and Kicks.”

“You didn’t want him to feel guilty.”

“Yeah, I guess that’s what I mean.  I just. I feel like I should have been able to stop Kicks.  If what you’re saying is true.  I was on the phone with him.  He wasn’t alone.”

“He was.  He was in the car, by himself.  And he felt all alone.”  Ryan explained.  “When you thought about doing it, you thought about Sid.  Did you feel alone then?”

Jamie thought for a moment.  “No.  Truth.  When I think about Sid, I don’t feel like I’m alone anymore.”

“Then that’s what you keep using.  Don’t worry if you have the thoughts, instead focus on how you deal with them.  You think about Sidney.  You know you aren’t alone.  That’s your reason.  And hopefully, eventually, the reason to not do it outweighs the reason to do it.  But you need to not keep it hidden.  If you think about it, you need to call someone right away.  Meaning Sid.  Let him be there for you.”

“Again, that didn’t help Kicks.  He was talking to me...”

“You aren’t your friend.  Or your father.”  Ryan cut him off.  “Just like not comparing your trauma to anyone else’s, you can’t compare what they did to you.  You are you.  Do you think that because they did it that’s why you tried?  Well, cause that’s just bullshit.”

“I didn’t.”  Jamie starts to say, but stops.  “I... maybe.”

“It’s not about how someone else’s life is going, or what they’ve experienced, or how they did or didn’t deal with it.  It’s about you.  It took me a while to figure that one out.  Hell, I’m still working on accepting that idea.  But it’s the place to start.  I’m guessing you’ve heard that once or twice from your counselor?”

“Once or twice.”  Jamie smiles.

“Then maybe there’s some merit to it?” 

That night, Jamie calls Sid and they talk for over an hour about Kyle’s suicide.  And, more about Jamie’s nightmare from the night before now that Jamie is calmer and more awake.  When he finally says good-night to Jamie, Sid is concerned enough that he thinks about calling Janet.  Then he gets Jamie’s song.

Jamie:  _Pie_ _ce by Piece by Kelly Clarkson_

Jamie:  _Thank you for picking up the pieces he left.  You put up with a lot.  I know, I’m not the same rookie you fell in love with, but you stayed when others would have walked away.  I’m figuring that out.  That you aren’t going to leave me._

Sid:  _You are who I fell in love with.  And we’ll do this.  Together.  Always.  All of You!_

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Day 15

Sid:  _Sometimes You Can’t Make It On Your Own by U2_

Jamie:  _If You Only Knew by Shinedown_

Sid’s phone wakes him a little before 3 am.

“Hey, I’m here.”

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?  Waking me?  Nothing to be sorry about.”

“I, I tried not to call.  I waited until I calmed down.  But, I,” Jamie exhales slowly, loud enough for Sid to hear.

“Hey, you should have just called right away.  You know that.”  Sid reassures him.  “Same dream?”

“Yeah.”  Jamie’s voice is barely audible.  “I, uh, I talked to Janet about them.”

“That’s good.  What’d she say?”

“I don’t know.  She said what somebody else told me, Ryan, actually.”  Jamie pauses to take a few deep breaths.  Sid knows he’s still not completely calmed down, but enough he can talk.  “I’m not them.”’

“But you can’t help feeling that way, right?”  Sid wishes he was there.  Wishes he could just wrap Jamie up in his arms and hold him.  Wishes he could show Jamie how much he loves him; how much he needs him.  “You’re stronger than they were, baby boy.”

“I don’t think so.  I just.  Doing that, it’s not really the easy way out that everyone says.  It’s not.  At least, I don’t think it is.  The feelings, about whether to do it or not, they seem as equally strong, and the decision to do something is as hard as the decision not to do it.  Sometimes, I feel like the decision to not do it is the easier one.  Does that make sense?”

“No.  But if it does to you, then that’s what matters.”

Jamie doesn’t say anything.  Sid listens, but he can’t even hear Jamie breathing.

“Jame?” He says quietly.  “I’m sorry.”

“Why wasn’t I enough?”

“What?  What do you mean?”

“To James.  To Kicks, especially.  Why wasn’t I enough?” 

Sid isn’t comprehending what Jamie is asking.  “I still...”

“Ryan asked me the same thing you did, on the island, the what’s kept me from doing it question.  I told him it’s because of you.  Because I love you and have you.  So.  Why?  Why wasn’t I enough?  Why didn’t they love me enough to stay?  To stay with me?”

“I think they loved you.  I think Kyle loved you very much.  But sometimes, that isn’t enough.”  Sid suggested.  “It doesn’t have to do with you.  It’s them, the person who leaves.  It’s why, even with what you say about that day in Edmonton, or that night you got the DUI, your judgement was impaired.  By the meds, by the alcohol.  The other times, you’ve not been able to do it.”

He paused listening.  He could hear Jamie sniffling.  

“Baby boy, you say it’s because of me, but it’s not, it’s because of you.  Because I think that deep down, you really don’t want to do it, you fight the thoughts, you find an excuse, a reason not to let the demons win.  I really feel that even if you didn’t have me, you’d find an excuse to stay.  James.  Kyle.  I don’t think they wanted to stay.  I think they’d made up their minds, or they would have stayed for you or for some other reason.  No one.  Nothing would have been enough to keep them from doing it.  They did what they did because of them.  For them.  Not because of you or anything you did or didn’t do.”

“I wasn’t.  I’m not worth loving, Sid.”  Jamie murmured.

“You were enough, Jame.  You are.  They made the choice not to stay.  You make the choice to stay.  You say it is because of me, but it’s not.  It’s because of you, baby boy.  It’s because of who you are.”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Day 16

Sid:  _I Won’t Give Up by Jason Mraz_

“How did today go?”  Sid asked the next evening when Jamie called.  “Feeling better?”

“Yeah.  Things are,” Jamie hesitated for a moment.  “Things are okay.”  He finally said.

“Did you tell Janet what I said last night?”

“She agreed with you.  To a point, maybe.”

“What does she think?”

“About the dreams, the new parts?  She’s not sure.”  Jamie admits.  “We’re working on that.”

“And?”

“And, they weren’t leaving me.  They were leaving everything.  And,” Jamie said, “they’d made their choice.  They wouldn’t have stayed no matter what at that point.”

“And?”

“I choose to stay.”

“Why?  For me?”

“No.  For me.”

Jamie:  _Place In This World by Michael W. Smith_

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Day 17

Sid:  _Lean on Me by Bill Withers_

“I miss you.”

“I could come visit.  I’ll be back in Pittsburgh next week.”

“No.  I’d rather you didn’t.  I’m over halfway.  And I think this last week I’ve made some progress.  It’s been brutal, but, well, I’m facing my demons.  First time I think I’ve really, honestly done it.”

“Yeah.  That’s good.  So, um.  If I can’t come visit, we could, um.  Ya know, if you feel like it.  We could...”

“You are so bad at phone sex.”

“Am not.”

“Whatever.”

“So, you miss me, huh.  What exactly do you miss?”

“What do you think?”

After they hang up, both very happy and relaxed, Jamie sends Sid his song for the day.

Jamie: _Baby Got Back by Sir Mix A Lot_

Jamie:  _Oh... and you’re definitely getting better at that!_

Sid:  _Practice makes perfect.   Do it again tomorrow?_

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Day 18

Sid:  _Mr. Lover by Shaggy_

They don’t have a repeat performance of the night before.  Jamie has had a tough day in group and isn’t up to having any fun.  They chat for a while, then he tells Sid he’s tired and needs to get some sleep so they call it a night.

Jamie:  _MY Demons by Starset_

\-----------------------------------------------------

Day 19

Sid:  _Smile by Uncle Kracker_

Jamie had only called Sid once in the middle of the night over the last few days.  He seemed different to Sid since they had talked about why James and Kyle had done what they did, about why Jamie shouldn’t feel like they didn’t love him enough to stay.  He was more relaxed than he’d been the first two weeks of treatment.  His songs had changed as well, not as dark and depressing. 

Sid hoped it was a good sign.  But he knew this might not last.  Jamie had talked to Janet at length about those feelings, many times, but they always kept re-appearing. 

For most of their relationship, the two of them had tip-toed around issues, and avoided talking about their feelings.  Sid afraid that he’d say or do something to hurt Jamie.  Jamie afraid that Sid leave him.  It had taken Kris more or less slapping Sid in the face when he told him about Jamie having tried to hurt himself more than once, and that Jamie had thought about it as recently as just a few days before the wedding, for Sid to understand that he needed to be open and direct with Jamie.

So, he had learned, or was still learning, to just be blunt and tell Jamie what he thought about things.  Janet had described it as Sid putting things in black and white terms, doing just as Kris had done, and smacking Jamie upside the head.  Then, once Sid had his attention, Janet would smooth over the rough edges and help Jamie understand it better. 

That’s what she’d told him when he’d called her, concerned about the nightmares and worried he’d said something wrong to Jamie about how he felt about what James and Kyle had done and why.  Janet assured him that Jamie wasn’t upset, and that he’d actually, finally, said to her that it wouldn’t have mattered what he said to Kyle that night.  What happened would have happened.

“He didn’t call me to have me talk him out of it, did he.”  Jamie had said solemnly. “He was calling to say good-bye.”

“That’s probably true.”  She replied. 

That single statement from him marked a turning point in Jamie’s treatment... and in his life.

Jamie:  _Unwell by Matchbox 20_

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

Day 20

Sid:  _Unconditionally by Katy Perry_   

“It’s a penguin.”  Jamie explains.

“It doesn’t look anything like a penguin.”  Ryan scrutinizes Jamie’s painting.  “Seriously, man.  If that is supposed to be a penguin, you have to be the worst artist in history.”

Jamie looked over his art, his lips pursed to the side, nose scrunched.  He dabs the tip of his paint brush in the black paint then paints an addition to the picture.

“There.  A Penguin.”

Ryan looked at the black blob which now appeared to be holding a hockey stick.

“Which one?”

“Phil.  Definitely Phil.”

Jamie:  _It’s Been Awhile by Staind_

\--------------------------------------------------------

Day 21

Sid:  _This Kiss by Faith Hill_

“Three weeks down.”

“Three long weeks.”  Jamie complains, long face and pouty expression clearly on display.

Janet laughs at him.  “It hasn’t been that bad.  Has it?”

“Intense.”  Jamie admits to her.  “Not bad, but just, intense.”

“What’s been the worst part?”

“I miss Sid.”

“Really?  Not facing your demons about your, about James?  Or about Kyle’s suicide?”

“I miss Sid.” He repeats, looking at her without blinking or flinching.  “That’s the hardest thing.  I just want to be with my husband.  I mean, I get married, go on my honeymoon, then end up here for a month.  Um... get it?”  He raises his eyebrows.

“Oh.  Oh!”  Janet blushes.  “Yeah.  I get it.”

Jamie:  _Somewhere in the Night by Barry Manilow_

\------------------------------------------------------------------

Day 22

Sid:  _I Love You by Climax Blues Band_

“See, I knew you loved Manilow.”  Sid tells him that night when Jamie calls.

“Yeah.  I do.”  Jamie chuckles.  “I think I could just use all of his songs if I wanted.  They seem appropriate.”

“Would save on the search time.”

“I was going to ask about that.  Who’s been helping you?”  Jamie questions.  “I mean, come on, we both know your music knowledge isn’t that extensive.  Bill Withers?  James Arthur?  Red?”

“I hear what you listen to.  I’m not that musically challenged.  Not like Dumo.”

Jamie laughs at that.  “Yeah, no matter how much I’ve tried to expand his interests.  And to think, at one point I thought he and I had similar interests in music.”

“You do.  His interests are just much more limited.”

“Yours are more limited than his, come on.”

“I have very eclectic tastes in music.  You know that.  A wide, vast knowledge of all genres.”

“Uh huh, right.  So, who’s helping you?”  Jamie knows Sid has to be getting assistance from someone. 

“Cully”

Jamie: _When I See You Smile by Bad English_

\------------------------------------------------------------------

Day 23

Sid:  _Crazy Little Thing Called Love by Queen_

Sid texts him when he gets to the house.  It’s comforting just to know that he’s back in Pittsburgh. 

Jamie:  _If We Kissed by Fiona Apple_

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Day 24

Sid:  _Kiss Me by New Found Glory_

When Jamie gets back to his room for the evening, Jamie finally reads the numerous text messages from the guys on the team group chat.  They date back to early September, as they let each other know when they got back in Pittsburgh.  They’re making arrangements to work-out together, to have a pick-up game, to get together for lunches and dinners.  Mario will be hosting a welcome back bar-b-que at some point.

Jamie clears the chat without reading all of the messages.  He calls Sid to check in.  They chat for over an hour about nothing.  When Jamie ends his call with Sid he puts his phone down on the nightstand.  After just a few minutes, though, he picks it up, enters the number and hits send.

“Fluff!”

“Hey, Dume-ass.”

“How goes it.  Didn’t think I’d hear from you until you got home.  Everything okay?”

“Yeah.  Was just reading the group chat stuff.  Wish I could be there.”

“Soon.  Less than a week left, right?”  Brian says.

“Six days.  So, yeah, soon.”  Jamie says quietly.  “Anyway.”

“Fluff?  Is something wrong?”

“No.  Nothing really.   How’s Kayla?  Things good there?”  

“She’s good.  She’s sitting here.  Says hi.”  Jamie hears Kayla say something in the background.

“Hi Kay.”  Jamie says.  “Hey, Dumes, um, just really wanted to say hi and let you know I was doing okay.”

Jamie hears from shuffling noises and Brian saying something to Kayla.  A few seconds later Dumes says for him to hold on a minute.

“Okay.  We can talk in private.  I’m in the bedroom alone.  What’s up.  Something’s wrong.  I can hear it in your voice.”  Brian says after a couple of minutes.

“Nothing’s wrong.  I was just, I wish I could be there doing shit with you guys.  Camp starts in a couple of days.  I’m missing you guys.  I miss Sid.”

“He’s back in the Burgh.  Has he been out to see you?”

“No.  I don’t want him to come.  I don’t want anybody to come out.  And I haven’t talked to anybody but Sid since I checked in here.”

“Not even Tanger?”

“Nope.”

“But you called me?  And nothing’s really wrong?”

“Just wanted to talk.”

“So, what shall we talk about then.  How was Disney?”

Jamie settles back on his pillows.  For the next hour he doesn’t think about being at Parkerson.  Or about his therapy.  Or about missing Sid.  All he thinks about is telling his best friend about his honeymoon at Disney and then about Alex Ovechkin’s amazing wedding gift and how great the island is and how Brian and Kayla have to come visit down there.  They laugh and joke and Brian hears the tension go out of Jamie’s voice.

When Jamie finally says good-night, he texts his song to Sid.

Jamie:  _Lovesong by The Cure_

Sid:  _Thought you forgot?  Everything okay?_

Jamie:  _Yep.  Just got lost listening to some songs while I found this one.  Talk to you tomorrow.  Love you._

Sid:  _Love you, baby boy.  Talk to you tomorrow._

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Day 25

Sid:  _Stupid Love by Jason Derulo_

 Jamie:    _If I Ain’t Got You by Alicia Keys_

Jamie tosses and turns, unable to get back to sleep.  He hadn’t had a nightmare in five days, but tonight he’d woken up in a cold sweat again, the image of James on the couch with half his head missing stuck in his mind.  He’d managed to at least get himself mostly calmed down, but the image won’t go away.

He debates about calling Sid.  It’s last, well past 3 am.  Training camp starts tomorrow, well, technically today.  Sid needs his sleep.

Jamie lays there for another twenty three minutes, staring at his digital clock watching the number change.  He picks up his phone.

“Hey,” he says hesitantly when Sid answers.

“Mmmm... baby boy?  Dream?”  Sid yawns, trying to wake up.  “What time is it?”

“Almost four.  I know you have camp and need to...”

“Hey.  Don’t.  It’s fine.  So, what was this one about?”

“James.  I can’t get back to sleep.  I’ve been lying her for a while.”

“Okay.  It’s okay.  Put the phone on speaker and lay down and close your eyes.”

Jamie does as he’s told.  Sid talks.  And talks.  And talks.  Until finally he says Jamie’s name a couple of times and doesn’t get an answer.  He disconnects from the call, looks at the clock, and closes his eyes to try and get at least another hour of sleep before he has to get up.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Day 26

Sid:  _One Call Away by Charlie Puth_

“How was the first day?  Sorry about last night.  I shouldn’t have bothered you.  You had to be tired out there today.”

“I was fine.  Call me whenever you need me.  You know that.  And today was great!  Everybody misses you.  Got a bunch of eager rookies looking to take your spot.”  Sid kids him.  “I think one or two stand a good chance of doing it.  I’ll miss you when you’re down at Wilkes-Barre.”

“You’re not funny.”

“I’m not trying to be.  You better be working out, these kids are good.  And you’re gonna miss the whole first week of camp.”

“Yeah.  I’m working out.  I’ve had Ryan push me with the weights the last few days.  Make me lift more than I’ve wanted to do.”

“Hey, I’m kidding.  Don’t hurt yourself.  Your spot’s waiting.”  Sid’s tone changes, “But, seriously, I need to tell you that your absence has the media buzzing.  There’s all kinds of speculation and rumors hitting.  The team issued a statement that you are out with an undisclosed injury.  I got blasted with questions, but told them I wouldn’t talk about it.”

Jamie huffed, “Fucking media.”

“Do you want to issue a statement?  Tell everyone where you are?”

“Not really.  At least not while I’m still here.  Don’t need to have reporters or whoever camped outside.  That would make it hard on the other patients and their families.”

“Okay.  So, we just don’t say anything.  But, you need to stay away from the news and social media.  Don’t go looking for shit, okay.”  Sid says sternly.

“I’ll try.  Really, except for talking to you and reading stories, I’m not on my phone or laptop at all.  I’ve been doing other stuff.”

“That’s good.  Should I ask?  Read any good stories?”  Sid asked with great trepidation.  God knows what stories Jamie’s read in the fanfiction realm recently.

“Some.” 

There’s a lilt to Jamie’s voice, like he’s holding back on telling Sid something.

“You gonna tell me about them?”                                                                                                                     

“You don’t really want to hear.”

“I just don’t get your fascination with them.  Or why people would write that stuff.”

“Cause it’s fun.  I think it’s cool that people would want to write about us.  Or about hockey players in general.  Or shit, there are some really great Supernatural fics.  It’s kind of, I don’t know, flattering?”

“Whatever.”

“I, uh, I may be doing more than just reading.”  Jamie mumbles.

“What?  Are you fucking talking to these people?”

“No.  No.  Nothing like that.  Well, I have left comments and kudos, anonymously of course.  No, what I meant is, well, I’ve been writing a story.”  Jamie says sheepishly.

“You’ve what?  Jamie, are you kidding?”

“It’s giving me something to do.  I sat in on this creative writing activity, and well, it gave me the idea, and well, I started writing a story.”

“About us?”

“Maybe.”  Jamie draws out the word.

“Oh my fucking god!  No.  You are not going to write some story about us and put it on the internet.”

“I never said I was going to post it, Jesus, Sid.  I just said I was writing it.” 

“Uh huh.  Right.”

Jamie:   _Like I’m Gonna Lose You by Meghan Trainor with John Legend_

 -----------------------------------------------------

Day 27

Sid:  _Simply Irresistible by Robert Palmer_

“Hey, have you been keeping a list of the songs?”  Sid questions.

“Yeah, why?  You want me to make you a mixed tape honey?”  Jamie answers sarcastically.

“Not exactly.  But we should use it as the locker room playlist when you get back.”

“For sure!”

Jamie:  _Lost Cause by Imagine Dragons_

\--------------------------------------------------

Day 28

Sid:  _I’m A Believer by The Monkees_

Jamie:  _So Far Gone by Thousand Foot Krutch_  

\--------------------------------------------------------

Day 29

Sid:  _Love Runs Out by One Republic_       

“Tomorrow’s your last day.  My how time flies.  Just yesterday you were this sulking, unhappy superstar and now look at you.  All bubbly and happy.”  Ryan teases him.

“Smartass.”

“Bet you’re ready to get out of here, though, knowing how much you love it.”

“I don’t know.  When I said I’d try this, 30 days seemed like an eternity.  Now.  I don’t know, man.”

“You can stay longer if you think you need to.  All kidding aside, Jame, I think you’re doing better than when you got here.  I mean, I’m not a psychologist or anything, but I can see it.  And if you think you aren’t ready, you can always stay longer.”

“I can’t.  I’m already missing the first week of camp.  I need to get on the ice if I’m gonna start the season on time.”  Jamie gives Ryan a determined look.  “I need to get back to hockey.  To Sid.  To my life.  I think I’ll be okay.”

Ryan nodded his head slowly.  “I think you will, too.”

“So, how long can you stay here?”

“As long as I need.  I know I’m still not ready for the real world.  Unlike you.  But I’m getting there.”  He smiles at Jamie warmly.  “I’m gonna miss you.”

“Only a phone call away.  I’m serious.  Day or night, any time you need to talk.  And whenever you want, there’s tickets to a game waiting for you.  I really want you to meet Sid and the guys.  You’d fit right in.”

“That’ll be great.  I’m gonna take you up on that.”  Ryan grins.

Jamie:  _I’m Yours by Jason Mraz_

\-----------------------------------------------------------

Day 30

Sid:  _Come and Get Your Love – Redbone_

“One more sleep.”  Jamie says happily.  “I feel like a little kid counting down until Christmas.”

Sid laughs.  “I’m excited, too.  I can’t wait to get you home.”

“10 am sharp.”

Jamie:  _I Want Your Sex by George Michael_

\-------------------------------------------------------

Jamie signed all of his discharge papers, had a final session with Dr. Stone, then he made the rounds saying good-bye to some of the staff and other patients he’d become friends with during the past month. 

When he got to the front door, Ryan was waiting for him.

“I’m gonna miss you, man.”  Jamie said, giving the other man a hug.  “You hang in there.  Keep fighting, okay.”

“You too, superstar.  Don’t let ‘em get you down.”

Jamie stepped out through the front door.  Sid was leaning against the hood of the Jeep.  A rush of emotions flooded over Jamie, making it hard not to just run to Sid. 

That night, when the Penguins opened the 2017-18 season and their defense of the Stanley Cup at PPG Arena in a game against the St. Louis Blues, Jamie watched the game from the press box.  The next day, he hit the ice for practice with his team and the real start of his life with Sidney.  Together.

 


	8. Fanart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally got this to work! Much thanks to HeyHeyHockeytown (Hockey-Downunder) for this... I love it so much, she has brought my Jamie to life. And yes, I know, he bears a striking resemblance to a young Jensen Ackles... go figure... I mean, isn't Jamie's favorite show Supernatural...


	9. Domesticated Jamie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sid’s problem was that they’d played a game last night and then he’d had media obligations all morning. Jamie had stayed home, taking advantage of having the day off by going back to bed after his morning run while Sid got up and drove in to PPG. That was fine. Except for the fact that the house was a disaster area. 
> 
> Sid hadn’t been able to get anything done since they got back from their three-game road trip to Vegas, Arizona, and Colorado. And god knows, Jamie hadn’t done anything. The one thing Jamie wasn’t was domesticated. Oh sure, he cooked, but that was about it. Unless Sidney made him do something, Jamie wasn’t into cleaning and laundry at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting on August 1st... HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BABY BOY!!!
> 
> Threw this out in a rush, so there are probably lots of typos...
> 
> Thank you to Heyheyhockeytown for the prompt... I didn't quite make it on Jamie's b-day your time...
> 
> *this is set in December 2017 (so near the beginning of And Baby Makes Three)

Sid pulled into the driveway. He sat there for several minutes with his hands just resting on the steering wheel. He wasn’t sure he wanted to go in yet.

His parents and Taylor were flying in tomorrow for Christmas. Well, not for Christmas in Pittsburgh. They would go to the game against Anaheim tomorrow night, then early Sunday morning, which was Christmas eve, they’d all fly down to the island to spend Christmas there. Then they’d fly back to Pittsburgh on the twenty-sixth. 

Sid’s problem was that they’d played a game last night and then he’d had media obligations all morning. Jamie had stayed home, taking advantage of having the day off by going back to bed after his morning run while Sid got up and drove in to PPG. That was fine. Except for the fact that the house was a disaster area. 

Sid hadn’t been able to get anything done since they got back from their three-game road trip to Vegas, Arizona, and Colorado. And god knows, Jamie hadn’t done anything. The one thing Jamie wasn’t was domesticated. Oh sure, he cooked, but that was about it. Unless Sidney made him do something, Jamie wasn’t into cleaning and laundry at all. 

The laundry wasn’t done, all their clothes from the trip in a pile on the floor. Dirty dishes were stacked in the sink. He wasn’t sure, but it smelled like something had died in the fridge when he’d opened the door this morning to get stuff for breakfast. The vacuum needed run. The guest bathroom needed cleaned. He needed to put clean sheets on the extra beds. 

There was no way he was going to get it all done before his family arrived. 

He shut off the engine, got out, and walked to the house. No use putting it off any longer.

The first thing he noticed was that the living room was picked up. Magazines stacked neatly on the coffee table. Furniture dusted. The vacuum ran. 

He made his way to the kitchen. The sink was empty and the dishwasher was running. He opened the fridge, cautiously. The smell was gone and it looked like there were fresh groceries in it. 

He made his way upstairs. The beds in the guest rooms were made up. The bathrooms had been cleaned. He checked the master bedroom, expecting Jamie to be passed out in bed, but the bed was empty.

He wandered back down to the first floor and then down the stairs to the basement. The sound of the washer running surprised him.  
Jamie was sitting on the washing machine, his eyes closed, his head tipped back, mouth slightly open. Sid recognized the look on Jamie’s face. The outline of Jamie’s erection in his boxer briefs confirmed what Sid knew was going on.

“Uh… hello?” 

Jamie tipped his head forward, looking at Sid through half-open eyes, a look of bliss on his face.

“Well. You look happy.” Sid strode across the room and slotted himself between Jamie’s legs. Jamie draped his arms over Sid’s shoulders and leaned in to him, bringing their foreheads together.

“Since when do you do laundry, baby boy?” Sid ran his hands over Jamie’s thighs.

“Since I discovered the spin cycle.” Jamie smirked. 

“Jesus. Really?”

Jamie didn’t answer but brought their lips together, slowly working the kiss into something deep and passionate. He slid his hands down to Sid’s shoulders bringing him in closer. 

“It’s pretty good when you’ve got a toy in your ass.” Jamie whispered into Sid’s ear after he’d broken from the kiss. 

Sid chuckled and leaned back so he could just look at Jamie.

“What’s so funny?”

“Well, I was starting to wonder who you were and what you’d done with my husband, but that comment was pure you.”

“What do you mean, wondering who I am?” Jamie dipped his chin to his chest, giving Sid his best puppy dog eyes. 

“You know exactly what I mean. What brought on all this domesticity? Cleaning? Dishes? Laundry?”

“I do the dishes all the time.” Jamie protested.

“Yeah, but you’ve never done the laundry!”

“Well, I just thought you’d appreciate it, if you didn’t have to come home and clean before everybody got here.”

“Well, I do appreciate it. Thank you.” Sid leaned forward to kiss Jamie.

“Besides,” Jamie said when Sid leaned back again, “I was hoping that if you didn’t have to clean this afternoon, maybe we could, um, ya know, have some fun?”

“So, sex got you to clean. Is that what you’re telling me?”

“No.” Jamie grinned, “Okay. Yes. It’s been a few days and…”

Sid didn’t let Jamie finish that sentence, instead bringing their mouths together in a fierce, possessive kiss. His hands worked their way up Jamie’s thighs and worked to free Jamie’s cock from his boxer briefs. Sid fingered at the tip, spreading the pre-come down Jamie’s hard shaft. He ran his fingertips up and down the underside, teasing Jamie and making his cock twitch with each light touch.

“Mmmmm…” Jamie moaned into Sid’s mouth.

Sid moved his mouth from Jamie’s to kiss along his jaw, slowly working his way down the line of Jamie’s neck. Jamie tipped his head back to give Sid more room, and also in ecstasy from the sensations Sid and the vibrating washer were causing to spread through him.

“Fuck yeah,” he whispered.

Sid mouthed across Jamie’s collarbone, then down his chest, pausing to give each hard little nipple some attention. That made Jamie bring his hands to Sid’s head, his fingers twining in Sid’s hair. He gently urged Sid to go lower.

“So impatient.” Sid murmured. 

When he finally took Jamie in his mouth, it was almost too much for Jamie. Sid felt him tense and take a few sharp breathes. He didn’t stop though, not wanting to draw this out. He increased the pressure of his lips around Jamie, tongued at his cock and started working his mouth up and down. 

“Sid, god. Too much. Gonna…”

Sid pulled up so just the head of Jamie’s cock was in his mouth and sucked hard, his tongue licking against the sensitive underside. At the same time, he cupped Jamie’s balls in one hand and massaged them with his palm. Jamie’s body curled in as he came for him with that. 

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” He repeated, his hands clenching the top edge of the washer. 

Sid stroked Jamie’s cock with his mouth until he was sure he was done, then pulled off. 

“Well, that was fun.” He snorted, a wicked grin on his lips.

“Yeah. But damn, I was hoping for a little more drawn out fun.”

“Oh… we’re not done,” Sid leered at him. “I still need to properly thank you for cleaning. Maybe if I reward you properly, I can train you to be domestic. Hhhhmmm?”

“Reward?”

“Uh huh.” Sid stepped back and held his hand out. “Coming?”

Jamie took Sid’s hand and hopped off the washer. He let Sid lead him up to their bedroom, where Sid spent the afternoon properly rewarding Jamie for all his hard work that morning.


	10. Toys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So, you liked that?” Sid asked as he soaped up Jamie’s back while they showered together a short time later.  
> “Fuck yeah.” Jamie answered happily. “Did you really not think about me maybe finding all that?”  
> “Maybe.” Sid just smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay... so for Jamie's birthday (8/1) I give you a 2-fer day!
> 
> Just threw this together today too, a little diddy about Jamie finding Sid's stash of sex toys.  
> * set in the early part of All Of Me... right after the road trip to Boston...

It had been a week since Jamie and Sidney had hooked up for the first time during the road trip to Boston. The first couple of nights back home, Jamie still slept in his room and Sid slept in his room. Of course, that didn’t mean they hadn’t had sex in just about every other room of the house. Sid had forgotten what kind of sexual energy and eighteen-year-old with raging hormones had. Jamie was insatiable.

Jamie was riding the high from their 6-0 win over Arizona as they drove to the airport to fly out to Washington to make up the game that was postponed in January due to weather. He couldn’t get over how much his life had changed in the six weeks since he’d come to Pittsburgh. He was playing great hockey. He was getting his life together after a very rough year. And, most importantly, he was in a relationship with Sidney Crosby.

He could seriously call it a relationship with Sid, not just hooking up and fucking around. He was in love.

He was staring out the window watching the lights of Pittsburgh slip away when he felt Sid’s hand on his leg. He reached down and laced their fingers together.

“I was thinking.” Sid started. “When we get back from D.C., maybe you’d want to move into the master bedroom.” Sid glanced over at Jamie. “With me.”

“So, we’d be really living together instead of just, you know, living together.”

“Yes. That’s what I mean.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?” Sid squeezed Jamie’s hand.

“Yeah. I’m okay with that.”

“You don’t think it’s moving too fast or anything?”

“No. I mean, it just makes sense. It seems strange if we’re doing this, and we’re in the same house, that we aren’t just sharing a bed all the time. I guess it would be different if I lived somewhere else and I just stayed over every now and then.”

“This is our first away game since we, you know. Want me to sneak you into my room tonight?”

“Pooh might get a little suspicious if I’m not there all night.” Jamie said. He’d be rooming with Derrick Pouliot, who was up from Wilkes-Barre for this trip.

“Probably.” Sid chuckled. “Okay. But you’ll move over to my room when we get home, right?”

“Right.”  
\----------------------------------------------------------------  
Two days later, Jamie stood in the master bedroom looking around. Sid had stayed after practice for a meeting with Rutherford and Sully, just routine captain stuff. He’d told Jamie to pick out a couple of dresser drawers and move Sid’s stuff out so he could put some of his clothes in there. It would make it easier for him, so he didn’t have to constantly go to the guest bedroom to get dressed.

Jamie walked over to one of the two large six-drawer dresser in the master bedroom and opened a drawer. He pulled out all the sweats and t-shirts folded neatly and piled them on the bed. He closed that drawer and opened the one below it. He pulled out some sweaters and other shirts. As he lifted out the last pile, he noticed a wooden box in the drawer. It had been hidden under the clothes.

It wasn’t anything fancy, but it wasn’t plain either, and it was fairly good sized, taking up over half the bottom of the drawer. There was an ‘87’ etched into the lid, of course. Jamie picked up the box and went and sat on the edge of the bed. He knew he shouldn’t be snooping in Sid’s stuff.

But…

He lifted the lid cautiously.

“Holy shit.”

In the box is an assortment of sex toys the like of which Jamie has never seen. It’s not like he doesn’t know about this stuff, not with the amount of porn he’s watched, but up until now, he’s never seen anything in person.

He picks up a rather elaborate looking cock-ring.

“Are those fucking real?” He says out loud as he runs a finger over what appear to be small diamond studs on the leather. “Holy shit.”

There were a couple of glass plugs and another black plug that Jamie thought was fucking huge. There were a couple of plain dildos, and a very realistic looking vibrating one. There was a massage wand with an attachment to slide over your cock. Jamie had seen those used in a lot of videos. There was a set of anal beads, a fleshlight, and a small black and gold vibrator, several bottles of flavored lube, as well as some other stuff.

Jamie picked up a plug that was shaped like a row of increasingly larger, connected anal beads. There was a small ring handle at the end, and Jamie noticed something metal sticking out of the last bead. He pulled it out and looked it over.

“Kinky bastard.” Jamie whispered when he recognized it as a small vibrator. He looked and found a remote control he thought went with it. When he hit the button, the plug hummed in his hand.

He wondered if the toys being in one of the dresser drawers had slipped Sid’s mind when he told him to move some of his stuff over. Sid wouldn’t have wanted him to just stumble across all this stuff, would he?

Instead of being shocked, though, Jamie was completely intrigued by the various toys. He and Kyle had watched porn and tried a few things, but nothing too wild. He was pretty sure both Toni and Cat had vibrators, but he’d never used them with either of them. Zach had been into just pretty basic sex. Jamie stared at the box of goodies and started to feel like he’d been missing out on a lot of fun.

Jamie glanced at the clock. Sid should be home soon, he’d said the meeting wouldn’t take long. Jamie rolled the beaded plug between his fingers. Thinking. He sorted through the other items again. Finally, he put the beaded plug back in the box and instead took out the vibrating, realistic looking dildo.

“What the hell.” He said to himself. “Why not.”

He put the box on the floor by the dresser. He was sure that the dildo was clean. Sidney wasn’t the type to put something like that away without having cleaned it up. The thought crossed his mind that maybe Sidney hadn’t used it on himself. Maybe he’d used it with someone else. That was intriguing, too, especially to Jamie’s cock which was starting to get aroused at the thought of the dildo in his ass.

He went to the bathroom and washed it off, then came back to the bed. He pulled a bottle of KY out of the drawer of the nightstand by the bed where Sidney kept it. Then he stripped down and climbed on the middle of the bed.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------  
When Sid didn’t find Jamie downstairs, he assumed Jamie was up moving some of his clothes and things over to the master suite. Even though they’d only added a physical element to their relationship a little over a week ago, they had been living together for over a month. Sid couldn’t explain it to anyone, but he’d fallen hard and fast for Jamie. They’d talked in Boston and both wanted more than just sex. They were both looking for something long-term, so it only made sense that they start sharing a bedroom.

As Sid approached the master bedroom, he could hear faint noises. Little ‘ohs’ and ‘uhs’. In just a week, he’d learned that those were sounds Jamie made during sex. Sid loved hearing those noises. But at the moment, he was a bit concerned. Surely Jamie wasn’t hooking up with someone in Sid’s bedroom.

Sid stepped into the bedroom doorway, and stopped. The sight before him instantly sending signals to his cock that made it twitch.

Jamie was naked, on his knees on the center of the bed. He was bent over so that his shoulders and head were on the bed. One hand was reaching back, slowly working on of Sid’s larger dildos in and out of his ass. His other hand was wrapped around his cock, stroking it, tugging at it. Jamie was making the most wonderful noises, little gasps escaping his lips. Moans and mewls being breathed into the pillow under his head.

Sid stood and watched him, palming his cock through his jeans. He tried not to make any noise, not wanting Jamie to know he was home. Not just yet. Sid wanted to just watch the show Jamie was putting on for a while longer.

This close, Sid could hear the soft hum of the vibrator. Hear how it grew louder as Jamie pulled it out, and hear how it was muffled as he slowly, deliberately pushed it back into his ass. Jamie’s ass was pointed towards the door, giving Sid a very clear view of the toy being worked into that tight hole.

It took Sid’s brain all of two seconds to figure out that he was meant to see Jamie. Him finding Jamie in the middle of some self-indulgence was a purely calculated move on Jamie’s part.

His cock was hard and straining against his jeans now. For as much as he was enjoying the show, Sid’s cock was more interested in being a participant. He undid his jeans and shimmed out of them, then pulled his polo shirt off over his head. When he looked at the bed again, Jamie had lifted his head and was looking back at him, all the while still fucking himself with the toy.

Sid stroked his cock. Jamie licked his lips as he watched him stride over to the bed. Sid carefully climbed up to kneel behind Jamie, who didn’t object when Sid reached out and took ahold of the dildo. Jamie let his arm flop down on the bed.

Sid pulled the toy out and ran the tip down to let it vibrate against Jamie’s balls, making him moan, low and deep. With his other hand, Sid pushed Jamie’s hand that was on his cock away. He took Jamie in his free hand and held his cock firmly. Sid took the head of the toy and touched it to the sensitive underside of the head of Jamie’s cock. Jamie’s body shook.

“Oh, fuck.” Jamie said under his breath. He tried to arch away from the stimulation, but Sid held him there.

“I didn’t even think about you finding my stash.” Sid offered as he began running the vibrating head up and down the underside of the hard shaft of Jamie’s cock. “I see though that you took the concept of make yourself at home to heart.”

“Uh huh. Oh fuck.” The words were muffled as Jamie buried his face in the pillow. “Fuck.”

“You like?”

“Oh my god. Yes. Fuck yes.” Jamie lifted his head to reply.

“Don’t go anywhere.” Sid said, laying the toy down on the bed between Jamie’s legs. Jamie lifted his head and looked at Sid, annoyed that he’d stopped.

Sid shifted so he could get a condom out of the nightstand drawer, then settled behind Jamie again. When Jamie saw what Sid was doing, he dropped his head back down. Sid opened the condom and rolled it down on his hard cock, then he moved closer to Jamie’s ass and lined the head of his cock up with Jamie’s hole. He reached down and picked up the toy.

Sid pressed the vibrating toy against the underside of Jamie’s cock, the tip pressed against the base of it. He wrapped a hand around Jamie and the dildo, holding them together as if was holding his own cock against Jamie. Jamie came up onto his elbows quickly. The intense stimulation against his cock bordering on too much. As he did, Sid rocked his hips forward and drove his cock all the way into Jamie’s ass.

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” Jamie swore. “Sid. Jesus.”

Sid held the vibrator tight against Jamie’s cock as he started to rapidly thrust in and out of his ass. Jamie dropped his shoulders back to the bed, wrapping his arms tightly around the pillow and holding on. He tried to pull away from the over-stimulation on his cock, which made his hips and ass drive back into Sid’s thrusts.

A steady stream of grunts flowed from him accenting each deep thrust as Sid pounded his ass. Jamie felt the pressure building in him. He clenched his eyes shut.

“Fuck. Sid. So fucking close. Fuck me.”

Jamie’s body tensed under Sid, his hips stilling as his orgasm hit him. Sid felt Jamie’s cock jerk against his hand and the dildo. Jamie’s ass tightened around Sid, the ring of muscle spasming as Jamie came. Sid let the toy drop out of his hand and brought both hands up to hold onto Jamie’s hips. He kept pounding in, deep and hard, until he finally thrust in deep and hard and came himself.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------  
“So, you liked that?” Sid asked as he soaped up Jamie’s back while they showered together a short time later.

“Fuck yeah.” Jamie answered happily. “Did you really not think about me maybe finding all that?”

“Maybe.” Sid just smiled.

Later that night, Sid typed out a text as Jamie slept soundly next to him in what was now their bed.

Sid: _He found them. He liked them. We had a good time!_

It didn’t take more than a few seconds for him to get replies.

Flower: _My plan worked then?_

Tanger: _I can’t believe you were too fucking shy to ask him about playing with toys. Mon dieu! Pathetic Sidney._

Geno: _I told you he like toys. He good for you Sid._

Sid: _He doesn’t find out we set this up. Do I make myself clear!_

Flower: _It’s going to cost you. You know that._

Sid: _I have no doubt it’s going to cost me. He already was looking online for some new things. Wants to try it all he said. Jesus. What have I gotten myself into._

Tanger: _Love. And it’s about time._


	11. Revelation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As he laid there, listening to Jamie and Kylie breathing as they slept, he let himself think about the end of his career. For the first time in his life, a future without hockey didn’t frighten him. He could imagine a future without hockey now, as long as that future included the two people he loved most in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I barely made it... posting by my clock on 8/7... Happy Birthday Sidney!
> 
> A little look at the future....

August 7, 2020

Love (noun) – an intense feeling of deep affection.

Sidney had known love in his life, naturally. He loved his family. His parents. His grandparents. His sister.

He loved his friends, teammates, coaches. He’d developed many close relationships over the years. Each person held a special spot in his life and his heart.

Love (verb) – feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone.

Sidney had been in love twice in his life. The first time, it had been a one-sided attachment. His heart had barely survived the crushing realization of that fact. He’d been young, he told himself, as if that was an excuse. They were both young. But whereas Geno had just been having fun, Sidney had fallen deep and hard.

Geno was his first real sexual relationship of any significance. Before Geno, all Sid had known was the occasional hand-job or blow job with some horny teenage teammate. Stolen moments of ‘no homo bro’ sex in junior hockey.

There were several girlfriends along the way as well. Relationships, but never truly anything serious. He’d learned at an early age that he liked both girls and guys. That he was comfortable with each. And, that he was uncomfortable with each as well.

He kept his emotions and feelings hidden, especially after Geno. Don’t let anyone in. Don’t get close to anyone. That’s safe. That way your heart doesn’t get broken.

Sidney watched as his friends, one-by-one, all fell in love and got married. He watched as they started families. He loved kids. He wanted kids. He always told himself that maybe someday. Someday it would be his turn.

He had started to believe that someday would never come, however. He was 28 and still hadn’t found anyone.

Then he met an eighteen-year-old rookie and his life changed.

How hard and how fast he fell for this kid still baffled Sid. Jamie Marsh had come in to his life and quietly taken over Sidney’s heart. When he tried to explain it to anyone, all he could come up with was that Jamie was comfortable, familiar somehow. Jamie fit right in with all of Sidney’s weird habits, his hockey related rituals, that other people he’d tried to have relationships with never really understood. But, Jamie was hockey, too. He got Sid.

The funny thing was that Jamie made Sid want to do things away from hockey. To break some of those routines, superstitions if you will, even. With Jamie, Sid’s life became full and complete in a way that he never knew it could be. He loved Jamie more than he’d ever loved anyone. Sid didn’t think he could ever be in love with, or even simply love, another person more.

Then she came into their life.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------  
She was only 14 months old, but she was, without doubt, the love of both of their lives.

Sid watched Jamie dip her into the waves as they rolled onto the beach. He’d swoop her down through the wave then swing her high in the air above his head. Kylie squealed with delight every time Jamie dunked her into the warm, clear blue water.

This was their first visit to the island since her birth. It was very different being there with her as compared to when it was just the two of them, but honestly, Sid couldn’t imagine how they ever managed without her.

The sun was hanging low in the sky. They’d spent all afternoon on the beach. Kylie had to be getting tired and Sid was getting hungry. He waved at Jamie, “We should head up.”

“Okay!” Jamie yelled back at him. Sid could hear him talking to Kylie as he carried her towards him. “Papa says it’s time to go. What ya think girlie? You tired?”

Kylie nodded her head at him and pointed towards Sid. “Papa.”

Jamie set her down when they got about ten feet away and laughed as she waddled across the sand and into Sid’s waiting arms.

“She is such a Papa’s girl already.”

“Yeah. She’s just like you.” Sid peppered her face with kisses as she giggled.

They packed their stuff into the golf cart and drove up to the villa.  
\-------------------------------------------------------------  
Sid got Kylie to eat a little bit, then he fixed her a bottle of water and put her down for the night. She was asleep in minutes, worn out from playing on the beach.

Jamie was plating their dinner when Sid came back out. Lobster and steak on the grill. Grilled fresh vegetables. Salad. And… no dessert to be seen.

“Um. Something’s missing.” Sid remarked, looking unhappily around the kitchen.

“What would that be?”

“It’s my birthday. I thought…”

“Oh. Dessert.” Jamie smirked. “Yeah. I didn’t make anything for dessert.”

Sid looked dejected, until Jamie smiled at him and added a ‘yet’ to his sentence.

“Yet?”

“I thought you deserved a special dessert for your birthday.”

“You did, did you?” Sid walked over and wrapped his arms around Jamie’s waist. “All right then. I guess I can’t be mad about that.”

After dinner Sid went to check on Kylie while Jamie told him he’d be in the bedroom, fixing Sid’s dessert.

When Sid walked into the bedroom, Jamie was sitting with his back against the headboard. He was naked. At least Sid thought he was. His crotch was covered in a pile of whipped cream and there was a bright red cherry sitting on the top of the whipped cream.

Sid noticed a jar of chocolate topping on the nightstand next to a can of Redi-whip.

“Chocolate, too?” He asked as he stripped out of his shorts and climbed on the bed, straddling Jamie’s legs. “My favorite dessert.”

“Nothing’s too good for you on your birthday.” Jamie laughed.

Sid reached for the cherry. He dipped it into the whipped cream then brought it up to Jamie’s mouth.

“You know I’m not into cherries.” Sid said.

“I know.” Jamie took the cherry in his teeth and pulled it away from the stem. “That’s my dessert.”

Sid leaned in and kissed him, his body smushing the whipped cream so that it covered them both.

“Now we’ll just have to share.” He said into Jamie’s ear, grinding their hips together.

“Damn. That’s gonna be such a problem.” Jamie laughed as he nibbled on Sid’s earlobe. “Happy birthday, Sid.”  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
He laid on the bed swing, relaxed and sleepy after celebrating his birthday with Jamie. They’d made a mess of their bed, so they’d showered and decided to just sleep outside.

Jamie was stretched out on his back beside Sid, his head resting on Sid’s shoulder. Kylie was sleeping soundly on Jamie’s chest. He’d insisted on bringing her out with them.

Sid tipped his head to the side and kissed the top of Jamie’s head. Jamie sniffled a little, but didn’t move. He was already drifting off to sleep. Sid would wait until Jamie was completely asleep, then gently move Kylie down onto the bed. He’d move over so that she had plenty of room in between them.

Love. Unconditional and total. Something Sid had always thought would elude him in life. But that had been before he met a boy and before they’d had their girl. Sid wondered how he’d ever lived without them.

Sid had five years left on his contract with the Pens. At one time in his life, not so long ago even, he would never have given a thought about retirement. Growing up his whole life had been about hockey. He could never dream of a day when he wouldn’t play hockey. Retirement, the end of his career, brought dark, scary thoughts and feelings.

As he laid there, listening to Jamie and Kylie breathing as they slept, he let himself think about the end of his career. For the first time in his life, a future without hockey didn’t frighten him. He could imagine a future without hockey now, as long as that future included the two people he loved most in the world.

Today was his 33rd birthday, and for the first time in his life, Sidney Crosby was truly happy. Truly content with his life and whatever the future held for him.


	12. Secrets, Goals... And Traditions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm not letting Conor do this all by himself. We did it together, we should all own up to it... so on the count of three, everyone ready?" 
> 
> The rookies all nodded and got into position. Justin joins them, which really confuses Sid.
> 
> "It happened over summer, and yes, Sid, it was inspired by you... and Tanger, and Geno and even Flower..." the vets are looking at each other, confused looks on their face "you said it was a drunken night, a stupid idea... but we weren't drunk. It was planned. We decided to turn your drunken revelry...into a tradition. 1... 2... 3..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You will notice a different flair to this chapter.... that is because it is not mine. This was written by the amazing @heyheyhockeytown as a gift to me... 
> 
> thank you so much my friend... I LOVE IT!! and I love you! 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy this as well, it was inspired by chapter 26 of And Baby Make Three... it is set in December of the 2019-20 season....
> 
> Go on over to Tumblr and let Hockey-Downunder know you loved her addition to my AU!

The group of young players is crowded around Jamie's stall when Sid walks into to the locker room from his meeting with Sully. There's a buzz about them, its December and they're taking on Toronto for the first time since the conference finals the year before. The Canadian team is currently at the top of the standings, with a 22-6-2 record, and ahead of the Penguins, who are in 3rd place overall, by eight points. The Stars sit between them, on an even 40 points, with the Blackhawks in fourth place, just one point shy of overtaking them.

As Sid nears Jamie's locker, the chatter stops, and the players move back to their own lockers, each moving onto his own pre game ritual.

"What's going on?" Sid asks, leaning "do I... smell or something?"

"We were... just... we just finished making plans for something"

"Am I invited?"

 Jamie laughs.

"Maybe, maybe not" he said, leaning into Sid "I missed you this morning"

Sid had been gone by the time Jamie had returned from his morning run, stuck in meetings all morning. He'd left a note telling Jamie to make his own way to PPG, and he'd see him before the game. Jamie’s whole day, including his pre-game nap, had been lonely, and cold.   
  
As they start to prepare themselves for the game to come, Sid notices Jamie throwing Conor, Dumo & Knuckles glances out the corner of his eye and grows suspicious of the quietness in the room.   
  
"Are you sure there is nothing you want to let your captain know about?" Sid asks, looking over at the group of younger players. They all remain silent, but Sid can see Conor squirming in his seat.

"Conor?"

"Nope" Conor replies, popping the 'p' "we're not up to, in to or doing anything that should cause you any..."

"Shears?" Muzz spoke from his seat.

"Uh... yeah?"

"Shut up"

"Oh..." Conor turned back to his stick, eyes focused as he tapes it to perfection.

Once the pre-game ceremony and anthems have been completed, it’s game on. The Maple Leafs come out firing on all four engines... and the Penguins...well... not so much. 

They don't play as a team, too many turn overs, missed shots on goal and ridiculous penalties have them down 4-1 at the end of the second period, with rookie Leaf, Timothy Liljgren scoring in the first minute, a slap shot from back near the blue line that could've rivalled Shea Weber's. Jars hadn't stood a chance against that one. Then, Auston Matthews had scored a ridiculous goal from behind the net midway through the first, the puck rolling into the net of Tristan's back. Mitch Marner added a pair in the second. Sully had tried to get the one called out using goalie interference, but had been ruled against, which left the team down 4-0 until Rusty had sniped one in past Andersen with just ten seconds left to go.   
  
When the whistle had blown, the Penguins had trudged into the locker room, exhausted, but ready to fix their game. Sully had given them a short, no nonsense speech about trusting each other's play, about trusting each other's skills, don't hog the puck, don't make stupid mistakes. The entire time coach was talking, Sid was looking over at Conor, to the point where Jamie had to elbow him to get his attention.

"I'm fine" he said, turning to Jamie... "you know what's up?"

"I know nothing..." Jamie says, but when Sid gets up to talk to Sully, he catches Conor's gaze and winks.  
  
From his place at his locker, Tanger watches the whole thing unfold. Jamie knows. They all know. But he doesn't know what they know... and while it's annoying, they're great at torturing Sid.  He picks up his phone and fires a one-line message to a familiar number "You have taught them well". A few minutes later his phone beeps and on his screen is a laughing emoji. He smiles.   
  
"Okay, Jars... you've been playing a pretty solid game... but seems they've got your number when it comes to trick shots..." Tristan looked over from where he was talking to Coach Buckley at Muzz, he understood, Matt would be starting the third period.   
  
As the team is leaving the locker room for the third period, Sid pulled Conor aside, the younger player looking up apprehensively as the captain released his arm

"Conor," Sid states, "we're gonna play a game... you score first, I'll back off, and whatever it is that you...children... are hiding can stay hidden. I score first... you tell all... in front of everyone"

"But that's not fair"

"No secrets, Conor..."

"Yeah, but it's not really a secret... it just... didn't you say once, things that happen in summer stay in summer?"

"Not when it concerns the team and how we play Conor... we're better than this, you know we are," the younger player nodded his head. He did know

"Okay, deal... although... can I just say...never mind" he pushed past his captain and headed for the ice.  
  
Jamie is waiting for Sid as he walks down the hall, "All good?" he asks.

"It'll sort itself out" Sid replies, reaching down and touching Jamie's gloved hand with his own "ready to show this Toronto team Penguin hockey?"

"Always"   
  
*****

Geno gets the first goal, a one timer from the circle, it bounces off the top of Andersen's glove and into the net. 4-2.   
  
Less than 3 minutes later, Olli scores on the power play while Connor Carrick is in the box for slashing. It's his first goal for 20 games, dating back to October. The look of relief on his face is enough to make anyone smile. On the bench, Conor looks down the bench to Sid, then turns away and furrows his brow, concentrating on the game. 4-3.   
  
Jamie nets the tying goal at the 14:54 mark of the period, and as Conor plows into the huddle of players, he's grinning. He'd had an assist on the goal. If neither of them scored, maybe that would be enough.   
  
He skates past the team, fist bumping the guys on the bench, and talking animatedly to Olli. As play starts again, he looks over at Sid as he sits down on the bench who shakes his head. It won't count. Ugh.   
  
Then, just shy of the 19-minute mark, Horny hops his way to the bench, cursing in Swedish, his skate blade in his hand, before making his way down the hallway.   
  
Conor jumps onto the ice. This is his chance. A second later he sees the 87 of his captain skate past. Shit. He skates harder, faster, pushing himself. He has to score. Not only would it mean the winning goal of a remarkable comeback, it'd mean Sid would leave him alone.   
  
The play moves up the ice. Sid is fighting for the puck behind the net, eventually winning and passing it out.  Andersen’s crouched low in his net, but if Conor can get the puck, he can see a shot. He calls for Dumo to pass it to him, and as soon as the puck hits his blade, he knows he's got it. He shoots. The puck is flying through the air, he sees Sid screening Andersen, and then the light is red, and the siren’s wailing and he's scored. He's almost knocked over by Tanger as the defenseman plows into him, but he's laughing. He's done it.   
  
The final buzzer goes... and somehow...they've won. They've come back from 4-0 to win, 5-4. Everybody is on the ice, congratulations being said, but Conor stops when over the speaker comes the official call from his goal. His goal isn’t his goal…   
  
Pittsburgh Penguins goal number 5 and the game winner. His sixteenth of the season.  Scored by number eighty-seven, Sidney Crosby, Assisted by number forty-three Conor Sheary and number eight, Brian Dumoulin. That's Crosby, from Sheary and Dumoulin.   
  
His heart stops.

No. It can’t be.

He looks over at Sid, who is looking back at him, a look of shock, slowly being replaced by what could be a look of vanity. Conor looks up at the replay on the screen. He gets the puck from Dumo, then shoots it at the goal where it goes in the net...after tipping off Sidney's stick. He can't believe it.   
  
No. Nonononono. No. Fuck.   
  
He takes a deep breath, puts on a brave face and joins the line to congratulate Matt, who'd blocked all 14 shots he'd faced in the last period.   
  
He's last in line, and as he reaches up, Muzz looks him in the eye through the bars of his mask, "You okay Small Fry? You look a little pale"

"Fine. I'm fine... just... please don't get pissed at me?" They skate off together, talking as they make their way into the locker room.  
  
*****  
  
When Sid and Jamie, having been called as the second and first stars, make their way into the room, it looks like a Mexican stand-off. The kids, as they’re still called by the vets, are congregated on one side, talking animatedly amongst themselves, well... to one player in particular.  Conor, sits in his stall, head down. The vets look on from the other side of the room, mystified.   
  
Sid walks over to Kris.  "What's going on?"

"Kids club meeting, apparently" Kris said "What happened? Shears looks like he's about to cry"

Sid looks over to the younger player, and is just about to go over to him, when Sully walks in,   
  
"Now THAT is how we play hockey... well done" he's grinning. "I can say that when you boys walked out of this locker room before that period tomorrow's skate was not going to be an option, but... somehow... you pulled it together... not that I expect anything less...the quality of your game skyrocketed. Sid, Jamie, great game, you deserve those stars, Conor... that was a heck of a shot you took... make those more often and you'll have a great season."

Conor smiles weakly, exhausted from the game, down-ridden from the results of his bet with Sid, and scared at what will happen when he reveals the secret.  
  
"Alright, pack up, get home to your families... skate tomorrow is optional..." there was a look of relief around the locker room "but... we've got that road trip coming up so it would be nice to see everyone" Sully says, which gives the word optional a completely different meaning. Everyone will be there tomorrow. Sid sighed, he was looking forward to sleeping in.

As the last of the media personnel clear out, and players filter in from the shower room, Sid makes his way to where Conor is sitting

"Uh... you...you don't have to tell us... that goal should've been yours... it would've gone in even if it hadn't hit my stick" he says.  
  
"No... I'll tell... a deal is a deal" Conor stands up "I... have... an announcement" everyone turns to him "as everyone knows, I suck at keeping secrets..." the team laughs as he takes a deep breath, "...and I, well, sometimes when I get a little... over enthusiastic ... I let it slip that I am keeping a secret. Today, Sid called me out...I tried to hide it, to no avail," even Sully is listening now, "and anyway... before the third period started Sid pulled me aside and said who ever got the first goal would win the game... he was right in more ways than one, I guess... but a deal is a deal... even though this never was meant to be a big deal... and I still don't think it is... because honestly it is all his... fault"   
  
"My fault?!" Sid responds, confused now.

"Yep, uh huh... you went and got Jamie's number branded on you, and then all you guys had each other’s names, and you know that I'm an easily influenced... and..."

"Wait" Sid was surprised when the words came from Jamie's mouth as his husband stood up and walked over to the kids’ side.  
  
Kids’ side? They really needed a new name. None of them were rookies anymore, or kids, and there were actual real rookies sitting further down the row.

"I'm not letting Conor do this all by himself. We did it together, we should all own up to it... so on the count of three, everyone ready?"   
  
The rookies all nodded and got into position.  Justin joins them, which really confuses Sid.

"It happened over summer, and yes, Sid, it was inspired by you... and Tanger, and Geno and even Flower..." the vets are looking at each other, confused looks on their face "you said it was a drunken night, a stupid idea... but we weren't drunk. It was planned. We decided to turn your drunken revelry...into a tradition. 1... 2... 3..."   
  
They all removed their socks, and stuck out their right foot. There, in matching script was the name of a team mate from the year they won their first cup.

Jamie had 'Dumeass' and Brian 'Fluff'. Conor and Knuckles shared a set and Olli and Schultzy wore matching tattoos and smiles. Each player from the group had the name of their best friend on the team tattooed on their ankle.   
  
"Like Conor said, it really didn't have any reason to drive us apart, in fact it all bought us closer as friends, team mates..."

"We were going to tell you... that's what you caught us doing..." Conor added, but was drowned out by the laughter coming from Sid, from Tanger and Geno... all of them crowing around to look at the tattoos.

"How did I not see yours?" Sid asks, leaning over to inspect Jamie's design "I can't believe you kept this a secret from me!"

"Hm..." Jamie's smile tells Sid everything, he had learned from the best, they all had

"Oh, Flower...I miss you," he whispers, pulling Jamie close and reaching over to ruffle Conor's hair.

"You kids are gonna be the death of me!" he says with a laugh.


	13. Wedding Crocs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Is it time?” Brian asks Kris. They just finished the first dances and it seems like the logical time to do it.
> 
> “Yes. It’s time.” 
> 
> Kris disappears to the locker room and comes back with two wrapped boxes. Brian has gone and gotten the microphone from the DJ.
> 
> “Okay. Can we have everyone’s attention please. We have a couple of presents for the happy couple, and a little game we want to play with them. If we could get a couple of chairs to the middle of the dance floor.”
> 
> Conor and Rusty carry a couple of chairs out, sitting them back to back. Sidney and Jamie look on, confused. This hadn’t been part of any of the wedding plans.
> 
> “Sit. Sit. Sit.” Brian commands. He hands them the boxes. “Okay, open them.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks @heyheyhockeytown for the inspiration....

They had a private appointment, the store offering to stay open after hours so they could have the place to themselves.  These were special customers.  It would be a very large order of all custom tailored suits.  And, they’d be able to say they dressed the wedding party for Pittsburgh’s wedding event of a lifetime.  That was a point of pride with them, that they had been chosen for this special event.

At six-thirty, eight very large hockey players entered the store, laughing and joking. 

“Sidney.  Jamie. Welcome.  We’re so glad we could make these arrangements for you.”  A slightly balding, older gentleman greeted them.  “Gentlemen.  If you’ll follow me.”

They made their way to the back of the store. 

“Who’s first?”  The man asked.

“The bride.”  Kris responded.  “Jamie you go first.”

“I’m not the…”  Jamie started to protest.

“Yes.  You are.”  Kris said firmly.

“Fine.”  Jamie went and took his spot on the small raised platform while the others took seats on the couch and chairs situated around the dressing area.

“Hey, Antonio.”  Jamie said to the tailor that was standing next to the platform, measuring tape in hand.  “I don’t know why you can’t just go with my measurements you have on file.”

“This is special suit, Mr. Marsh.  Must make sure it is perfect fit.”  Antonio replied in his thick Italian accent.

“Would you like to start looking at materials, Mr. Crosby?”  Michael, the owner, inquired. 

“I already know what we want.”  Kris interjected before Sidney could say anything. 

“My wedding planner has this.”  Sid joked to Michael.  “Whatever he picks out.”

Kris hands Michael a list of fabrics and colors.

“Jamie’s wearing white.  Right, Sid?”  Kuni asks.

“Yep.  Bridal white, huh, baby boy.”  Sid giggles.

“I’m not the bride.  You guys know there is no bride, okay.”  Jamie protests.  Antonio snorts next to him.  “You, too?”  Jamie says, glaring down at the man.

They manage to all get sized and materials picked out in a relatively short time frame.  As they’re leaving, Kris hangs back.

“Okay.  You can get these, too?”  He hands him a picture.  “Sid’s yellow.  Jamie’s white.  Here are the sizes.”

Michael nods at him.  “They aren’t wearing these for the wedding are they?”

“No.  No.  It’s for something for the reception.  And to give Sidney a bad time.  We can’t believe he didn’t ask to wear them, though.”

Michael laughs.  He takes the picture from Kris, who shakes his hand, then bolts out the door to catch up with his friends.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Is it time?”  Brian asks Kris.  They just finished the first dances and it seems like the logical time to do it.

“Yes.  It’s time.” 

Kris disappears to the locker room and comes back with two wrapped boxes.  Brian has gone and gotten the microphone from the DJ.

“Okay.  Can we have everyone’s attention please.  We have a couple of presents for the happy couple, and a little game we want to play with them.  If we could get a couple of chairs to the middle of the dance floor.”

Conor and Rusty carry a couple of chairs out, sitting them back to back.  Sidney and Jamie look on, confused.  This hadn’t been part of any of the wedding plans.

“Sit. Sit. Sit.”  Brian commands.  He hands them the boxes.  “Okay, open them.”

Jamie pulls the ribbon off his box and cautiously lifts the lid, he’s half afraid of what those assholes would be giving him.  He looks down and starts to laugh.

“Are you kidding?”  He says to Brian.

“Oh my god.”  Sid howls behind him.  “These are awesome.”

“I know.”  Kris beams.  “Perfect, yes?”

“Perfect.”  Sid says.  He reaches in the box and lifts out a yellow Croc, with diamonds encrusted across the top.  The crowd starts to laugh as Jamie holds up a white pair, also with diamonds.

“Okay.”  Brian continues.  “Jame, give Sid one of your white shoes.  Sid, give Jamie a yellow one.  Right.  Like that.  Okay.  This is the shoe game.  I’m going to a statement and you two have to decide which of you it best fits.  You tell us by holding up one of the Crocs.  Yellow for Sid, of course, and white for Jamie.  Got it?”

They both nod.

“This could be dangerous.”  Troy leans over and whispers to his wife.

“First one.”  Brian says.  “Who is most likely to do the laundry?”

Without hesitation they both raise a yellow Croc.

“That was easy, Jamie doesn’t know how to work a washer.”  Sid snorts.

“Well then, this one should be easy, too.  Which one is more likely to make the bedroom floor their personal laundry basket?”  Brian asks.

Both say Jamie, which elicits more laughs.

“Number three.”  Brian reads.  “Who makes the better breakfast?”

Again, they both hold up the yellow Croc.

“Who has the better shower singing voice?”  Brian asks.

The white Crocs go up immediately.

“Sid can’t sing.  Period.”  Somebody says.  “That one was too easy.”

“This may cause problems, but who will want kids first?”  Brian questions.

There’s a hesitation before Sid raises the yellow Croc and Jamie raises the white Croc.

The crowd oohhhs.

“Uh, huh.  See.”  Brian laughs.  “Okay, this is easier.  Who’s the pickier eater?”

They both answer Sid.

“Who chose the honeymoon location?”

They each raise their own shoe and the crowd ooohhhs again.

“I picked it out.”  Jamie turns to glare at Sid.

“No.  Last year.  I said we were going to Disney for our honeymoon.  After we won the Cup.”

“Whatever.  I said I wanted to go to Disney first.”  Jamie griped, turning back around.

“Uh oh.”  Kris laughed.  “No fighting on your wedding day.”

“Who fell in love first?”  Brian read the next question.

Sid hesitated, then raised his shoe.  Jamie raised his own shoe right away.

“Another disagreement.”  Brian laughed.  “Boys, what’s the right answer.”

“Sid.” A bunch of them said in unison. 

“He had it bad, right from the start.”  Duper laughed.

“Who controls the credit cards?”

Sid’s arm snaps up holding the yellow Croc.  Jamie dips his head sheepishly and slowly raises the yellow Croc as well. 

“Smart move, Sid.”  Brian kids.  Jamie gives him the evil eye.  “Don’t look at me like that.  I’ve seen you shopping online.”

“I don’t spend…”

“Yes you do.”  Sid stops him.  “And I love you for it.”

“Okay, who takes longer to get ready a night out?”

Both raise the white Croc.

“Who’s more likely to spend all their money at a sale?  Anywhere?”

Jamie’s shoe gets put up by both of them right away.

“I rest my case on the credit cards.”  Sid elbows Jamie.

“F you.”  Jamie snips.  “A-hole.”

“Hey, we talked about this.”  Brian laughed.

The more questions they answered, the more the crowd got in to it.  Laughing.  Oooohhhhhing.   Aaaaahhhhing.   Snickering at a few.

“Who takes up their fair share of the bed?”

Sid puts up the white shoe.  Jamie laughs and puts it up, too.

“Who said I love you first.”

They both raise their own shoe again.

“I said it after the Erie trip.”  Jamie protests.

“You texted it, that doesn’t count.  I said it first.”  Sid counters.

“Nit-picking, Sid.”

“Yes it is, but that means we all know the answer to this one.”  Brian interrupts them.  “Who’s more stubborn.”

Jamie’s hand shoots up with the yellow Croc. “No doubt about it.”

“I’m not stubborn.  Oh my god, not compared to you.”  Sid raises the white shoe.

“You’re kidding, right?”  Jamie huffs.

“Who’s the better driver?”

“Sid” comes a chorus from the team as both of them raise their own shoes.

“What the hell?  I’m a good driver.”  Jamie complains.

“You drive like Geno taught you.”  Duper says.

“Is true.”  Geno thumps his chest proudly.  “I teach him all about how drive in Pittsburgh.”

“Ugh.”  Jamie sighs. 

“Who’s more of a daredevil?”

Sid puts up his shoe.  Jamie puts up his shoe.

“Who climbed the freaking fire truck ladder?”  Sid turned to stare at Jamie accusingly.

“Who won’t get on any of the rollercoasters at Kennywood?”  Jamie counters.

“Point to Jamie.”  Nate yells from across the room.

“Nate, don’t help him.”  Sid yells back.

“Who’s the better hockey player.”

They both hold up their own shoe.

“Oh, you wish, baby boy.”  Sid smirked.

“Gotta go with Sid on this one, bud.”  Duper says.

“Whatever.”  Jamie grumbles.

“So, who’s the most competitive?”

They both hold up the yellow Croc.

“And he cheats.”  Jamie says.

“I knew it.”  Toews looks at Sid.

“I do not.”

“Oh please.”  Segs says.  “You do, too.”

Sid huffs.  “Whatever.”

 “I rest my case.”  Jamie quips.

“Okay, before we start a war, here’s the last one.  Who loves the other more?”  Brian asks.

They both hold up their own shoe, again.  Everyone applauds.

“And that’s the only thing that matters.”  Brian smiles.


	14. Goal Songs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “He sings them during the game.” Horny says from a few seats behind Jamie, sounding a little annoyed by that fact.
> 
> “Is not bad. Except when losing and he sings with goal song.” Geno nudged Jamie in the side. “Is Marshmallow like music too much.”
> 
> “I don’t sing during the games.” Jamie huffs.
> 
> “Chicago.” Kris coughs out.
> 
> “If I never hear that song again it’ll be too fucking soon.” Muzz gripes, glaring across the room at Jamie. “And there he is, fucking bouncing on the bench singing along.”
> 
> “It’s a great song.” Jamie interjected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thought of this after watching the video of Ian and Rusty doing the Key Bank challenge to name the team for the goal song.... Colesy won, in case you missed it... but we all know our boy would have kicked ass!
> 
> set between the end of The Course of True Love and And Baby Makes Three.... November 2017....

“We’re going to do a few challenges this year.  I think some of you have said you’ve seen the other teams doing them.”  Jen stood in the front of the media room addressing the team.  “First up will be a Key Bank challenge on goal songs.  Two players, first to get five right wins.  Volunteers.”

Jamie’s hand shoots up and the rest of them groan.

“Me… oohh….oohh…. me!”  He says.

“Okay.  Jamie.  Who else.”  She asks, scanning the group.

Nobody raises their hand.

“Brian?  Thing versus thing?”

“No thanks.”  Brian looks down.

“Sid?  A battle of the Crosbys?”

“Not a chance.”  Sid says.

“Nobody?  I don’t understand.”  Jen’s puzzled by their lack of enthusiasm, usually they enjoy this kind of thing.  It’s a fun diversion.

“I’ll do it, but not against Jim-Bob.”  Ian finally says.  “I’d like a fair fight.”

“Aw, come on.”  Jamie protests.  “I’ll give you a fighting chance.”

“I take it Jamie knows his goal songs?”  Jen asks. 

“He knows them all.”  Brian says.

“He sings them all.”  Conor ads.

“Really?”  Jen smiles.  “Interesting.”

“He sings them during the game.”  Horny says from a few seats behind Jamie, sounding a little annoyed by that fact.

“Is not bad.  Except when losing and he sings with goal song.”  Geno nudged Jamie in the side.  “Is Marshmallow like music too much.”

“I don’t sing during the games.”  Jamie huffs.

“Chicago.”  Kris coughs out.

“If I never hear that song again it’ll be too fucking soon.”  Muzz gripes, glaring across the room at Jamie.  “And there he is, fucking bouncing on the bench singing along.”

“It’s a great song.”  Jamie interjected.

“Not the tenth fucking time you’ve heard it during a game.  Excuse my language, Jen.”  Rusty comes back at him.  “I’ll do it.  With Colesy.  No Jim-Bob.”

“Okay.  Ian versus Bryan.  We’ll tape tomorrow.”  Jen smiles, writing it down on her tablet.  “Sorry, Jamie.”

“Fucking whiners.”  Jamie says under his breath.  He crossed his arms over his chest, pouting.

“Get over it.”  Sid leaned over and said, a smile on his face.  “We all know you’re the music master.”

“Damn straight.”  Jamie whispered, then said louder.  “Chickens.”

“Okay.  That’s all I have.  Coach?”  Jen turned to Sully, not wanting to stick around for the fight brewing.

“We’re done for the day, boys.  Have a good afternoon.”  Sully dismisses them.

Jen waited near the door for Jamie to come out.  He was still joking with Sid, Geno and Kris about not knowing other teams’ goal songs.

“Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?”  She pulls him aside.

“What’s up?”

“You can really name all the goal songs?”

“Yep.  Not like it’s hard.”  Jamie turns his head slightly to the side, a skeptical look on his face.  If nothing else, he’s learned to be suspicious of PR people when they ask you innocent sounding questions.

“Why?” He asks slowly, cautiously.

“I’m thinking it could be an interesting piece for IPH.  Wonder if we have any footage of you singing them during a game.”

“I know they have some from Chicago.  The guys weren’t wrong there.  I like that song.”  Jamie admitted sheepishly.

“Let me run it by Dan, okay.  See what he says.  I’ll get back to you.”  Jen grins happily.  “I’m sorry, but I had to go with the other guys for the challenge.  I don’t think I’d have gotten anybody to go up against you.”

“That’s okay.  They’re just sore losers.”  Jamie calls across the room to Rusty and Ian who are talking still.  Rusty flips him off.  “See.”

Jen laughs.

“I’ll let you know about the spot tomorrow.”  She says walking away.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jamie sits opposite Dan Potash two days later, filming a piece for _Inside Penguins Hockey._ Sid stands just off camera watching.  He didn’t really think anything could go wrong with this, but he decided to keep an eye on Jamie anyway.  Jamie’s only been out of Parkerson for a few weeks, and although he’s doing better, he’s still prone to anxiety attacks.

“So, I’m told you’re the goal song aficionado of the team.”  Dan opens. “You’re into music in general, though, right?  I think there’s a video or two floating around on the internet.  You singing, and you playing guitar, too.”

“Somewhere.  From my rookie year, yeah.”  Jamie winks at Sid, who smiles.  The videos are from the couple watch days during the Cup series against San Jose, when he and Jamie were teasing the internet with some are they or aren’t they a couple things.

“But you don’t control the locker room music?  I think Dumo is the primary DJ?”

“He is.  I’ve tried to get him to expand the selections, but he won’t.”

“So, okay.  For those who are wondering, we released a segment of Bryan Rust and Ian Cole competing in a name that goal song team contest.  Cole won.  But you wanted to do the contest.  And no one would go up against you.”

“They wouldn’t.  Chickens.”  Jamie laughs.  “I’d have given them a fair chance.”

“Word is you have a favorite goal song, as well, and it’s not _Party Hard.”_ Dan questions.

“It isn’t, no.  Sorry, but that’s not my favorite song.  I have a couple, actually, that I like, but one in particular.”

“And you were singing it.  On the bench.  During a game.”  Dan says each statement slowly, accusingly.  “Which may have, shall we say, irked your goalies.”

“Yeah.  I think by the tenth time we heard it, they were pretty sick of it.  Of course, most teams are sick of it the first time they hear it.  It’s one of those songs that gets in your head and you can’t get it out.  But, I liked it before I even came to the Pens, so, I just like the song.”

“Ten times.  That’s a giveaway.”

“ _Chelsea Dagger_ , by the Fratellis.  Chicago.”  Jamie smirks.  “I like the Fratellis.”

The song starts playing.  Jamie sings the opening.

“I’m being glared at.”  He says, looking over at Sid.

Dan turns to look at Sidney, who just nods his head. 

He turns back to Jamie.  “Okay.  So, we’re going to see how many you can name in 60 seconds.”

“Put the pressure on, geez.”  Jamie sits up straight. 

“Ready?”  Dan asks.  “Can we have 60 seconds on the clock?”

“Yeah, let’s go.”  Jamie nods.  “Do you want me to name the song and artist?  Or just the team?”

“You can name the song title?  And the artist?  On all of them?”  Dan says incredulously.

“If you want.”  Jamie dipped his head.  “That’s why they wouldn’t go up against me.”

“Okay, wow.  How about we change this?”  Dan says to the producer.  “How about instead of a timed thing, we just let him do them all?”

“You can do that, Jamie?”  She asks.

“Yep.  I can.”

“Okay then, let’s do that.  Just name the song, artist and team for them as they play, we won’t put a time limit on it.”

The songs start playing.

“ _Gonna Celebrate_ , by The Phantoms, that’s Winnipeg.  _Power Ride 2010_ , by Fred Coury, that’s the Kings’ song, um, _Kernkraft 400_ , by Zombie Nation, Boston,  that’s _Get Ready For This_ , by 2 Unlimited, it’s San Jose.”  Jamie names off the first four songs easily.  Some more easy ones follow.  Arizona, New Jersey, Toronto, St. Louis, and Nashville.

“So far, so good.”  Jamie says.  “I think I got those all right.”

“According to my list, yes.”  Dan nods.  “Let’s see if this one throws you off.”

The next song starts. 

“Oh, um, that’s new.  That’s the Flyers, I don’t think it has a name though, some remix by their new DJ.”

“That’s right.”

“Whew.”  Jamie wipes his brow in mock relief.

The next songs up are Florida, Vegas, Carolina, Colorado, and Tampa Bay.  Jamie rattles them off pretty quickly.

“That’s _The Whip_ , by Locksley.  Um, both Columbus and Vancouver use it.  Vancouver uses different songs, though, like if different guys score, but this plays sometimes.”

The songs for Anaheim, the Islanders, Rangers, and Dallas play next and Jamie gets them all right.  Then Montreal’s song plays. 

“Okay, that’s the Habs.  It’s new, too.  Um, it’s um, hey,” Jamie sings along, “hey, hey, uh, it’s _Hey_ , by Antoine Becks.  Then they do a go, Habs, go chant at the end.”

“Almost had you there?”  Dan kids him.

“It’s just new.  This year.”

“Okay.”

The next songs play.  “Stab, by Thee Attacks, Edmonton and that’s Righteous Smoke, by Monster Truck.  That’s Calgary, but they use songs for specific guys, too.  Like, Johnny B. Goode plays when Gaudreau scores.”

“You wish the Pens had individual goal songs?”  Dan asks.  “What would yours be?”

“Oh, yeah, um, that would be cool.  I don’t know.”  Jamie dips his head sheepishly.

“Come on.”

“Nah, I don’t know.”  Jamie tries to avoid the issue, suddenly uncomfortable with the turn the interview has taken.  Dan’s talked to Jamie several times this season about his mental health and depression.  He reads Jamie’s body language and tries to lighten the situation.

“Sidney?”  Dan turns and asks him.  “What do you think his song should be.”

“I’m Sexy and I Know It.”  Sid laughs.  “Fits his ego.”

“Funny.”  Jamie’s smile is back.  Sid joking with him helps get him settled again.  He doesn’t want this part in the final edit, though.  “You can edit that out right?  The whole thing about the goal song?”

“If you want, yes.”  The producer speaks up.

They finish out the goal songs.  Jamie gets Ottawa, Washington, Buffalo, and Minnesota, but stumbles a little on the last one.

“That’s, um, that’s, um.  Shoot.  It’s another one of those where they don’t always play the same song.  Um.  It’s Kid Rock.  Um, oh, yeah!  Hey Hey Hockeytown.  That’s Detroit.”

“And that is indeed all of them.  Well done.”  Dan applauds.  “Thank you for doing this.  It was fun.”

“Thank you guys.  It was fun.”  Jamie stands and unhooks the mic from his collar.  He shakes Dan’s hand as Sidney walks over.

“Sexy and I know it?  Nice.”  Dan teases Sid.  “You sure we can’t use that, Jamie?”

“Nope.  Like I need to get chirped about that around the league.”  Jamie laughs.

“You are sexy,” Sid leans into Jamie.  “and I know it.”

“You’re biased.”  Jamie retorts.

“And what would Sidney’s goal song be, Jamie?”  Dan presses.  “Now that the camera is off, you can tell us.”

“Jesus, Dan.  Look at that booty.  Kind of obvious isn’t it?”  Jamie laughs. 

“Don’t do it.”  Sid smacks him.

“I like big butts and I can not lie, you other brothers can’t deny.”  Jamie sings, turning around and skipping backwards in front of Sid, taunting him.  “That when a girl walks in with and itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face.  You get sprung, want to pull up tough.”

“I’m so gonna kick your ass when we get home.”  Sid swats at him.

Dan and the film crew are cracking up as Jamie continues to tease Sid until they are out of sight.

“It’s good to see Sidney so happy.”  The producer says.

“It is.”  Dan smiles.  “They make a very cute couple.”

 


	15. Payback Can Be Stinky Business

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “No. Fuck the prunes. That’s not it.” Sid points his finger at Jamie. “You. You’re changing even when she’s dry, so that I’m always up when she has a shitty diaper.”
> 
> Jamie chokes on his sip of juice.
> 
> “See. I knew it. Caught. You fucker.” Sid chastised him. “I was wondering why she was peeing all the time. I thought maybe we were giving her more bottles to keep her happy, or it was the cold of the rink, but no. No. She hasn’t been wet all the time. You low-life.”
> 
> “It took you two days to figure that out?” Jamie laughed. “Wow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Domestic fluff... kidfic...
> 
> stinky diapers, odd colored shit, prunes.... I don't know how else to warn you...
> 
> set just over a year after the end of And Baby Makes Three...

July 2021

One should be careful of the agreements into which one enters.

This was a lesson in child-rearing that Sid and Jamie would learn the hard way, Sid more so than Jamie.

Hockey school was set to start in two days and they both wanted to be able to be there to coach.  And, they were both in agreement that they wanted two-year-old Kylie to be there with them.  Yeah, she’s still too young and too unsteady on her feet to skate yet, but she can be with them, in their arms or being pulled in her sled, which she loves. 

The question is, who’s going to be responsible for looking after her, namely, changing diapers.  They’ve started doing some potty training.  It’s going well.  At least they think it is, neither of them have a lot of experience in this area.  But Kylie is no where near ready to not have diapers.  So, that means one of them will have to be on diaper duty.

“I say it should be her Daddy.”  Sid giggles as Kylie splashes water at him.  “See, she agrees.  Right, Sunshine.”

“Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!”  Kylie laughs.  “Daddy play!”

“You would think that.”  Jamie smirks.  He comes over to sit on the floor next to Sid.

“It is the Sidney Crosby Hockey School.”  Sid emphasizes his name.

“Maybe we should change the name.  The Jamie and Sidney Crosby Hockey School has a nice ring to it.”

“Hockey! Hockey! Hockey!”  Kylie yells, splashing water everywhere.

“You’re making a mess there, girlfriend.”  Sid warns her, no real threat in his voice.  “Stop.”

“Daddy says can.”  She slaps her hands down on the water.  “Daddy!”

“Sssshhhh…. Don’t tell Papa all our secrets.”  Jamie leans up against the edge of the tub, reaching over to splash some water back at her.

“You two are just alike.  I’m soaked.  You get her out.”  Sid gets up and goes in search of a towel.

“You ready to get out, Sunshine?”  Jamie asks.

“No!”

“Please?”

“No!”

“Wonder where she gets that stubborn streak?”  Sid chuckles.

“If you get out, we’ll make some popcorn and watch a movie in bed.”  Jamie offers as a bribe.

“Popcorn!  Popcorn!  Popcorn!”  Kylie yells, splashing more water around.

“We gotta get you dried off if you want popcorn.”  Jamie says, reaching for her.

“No!”  She splashes water at his face.

“You stinker.  Come on, time to get out.”  Jamie grabs her under the arms and lifts her up and out of the tub in one quick move.  He sits her, soaking wet, in his lap, as she squirms to get away.  Sid hands him her towel.

“Hold still, you little monster.”  Jamie wraps the towel around her quickly, cocooning her in the soft cloth.

“Papa, help!”  Kylie screams.  “No!  Papa!  Papa!”

Sid walks over and picks up the towel-encased child.

“Stop screaming.”  He puts her down on the bath rug and starts drying her off as she stands still finally. 

He rubs the towel briskly over her hair, then scrubs the towel down her face.  Kylie looks at Jamie and sticks her tongue out at him. 

“Papa do it better.”

“He does?  Okay then.  Papa is the official dryer offer.  How’s that.”

“Papa?”  Kylie looks up at him.  Soft green eyes, just like Jamie’s.  Sid melts.

“Yes.  Papa will be the official dryer offer.”

They get her into a diaper and pajamas with still more struggle as she squirms constantly trying to get away.  Of course, all three are laughing the whole time.  When they let her up, she runs out into the bedroom and climbs up on their bed.  They can hear her jumping up and down.

“I get to change into dry clothes first.”  Jamie says.  “You go make sure she doesn’t break anything.”

“Fine.”  Sid groans.

A short time later, they are all on the bed.  Kylie sits between them, a bowl of popcorn in front of her.  She’s completely engrossed in Disney’s _Robin Hood_ , her favorite movie.  She likes to sing along to all the songs.

“So, we still need to decide who’s taking care of her at school.”  Jamie whispers behind her.

“You.”  Sid turns to grin at him.  “Daddy Doody Duty.”

“Funny.  Haha.”  Jamie rolls his eyes, then he smiles.  “I say we share the doody duty.  Alternate diaper changes.”

“That would be okay, I guess.”

“But, if it’s your turn, no matter what you’re doing, you have to take it.  Even if she’s with me when she poops…”

“Poop!”  Kylie laughs.  “I poop!”

“You did not poop.”  Jamie leans forward and smooshes his face to her back.  “No poopies here!”

“Robin Daddy.”  Kylie reaches back and pushes his face away.  “Watch Robin.”

Jamie leans back.  “So, anyway, even if she’s with me when it’s your turn, or vice versa, we have to take our turn.  Deal?”

“You mean, if she was with you and I was teaching, you’d make me stop and change her?”

“That’s exactly what I mean, Sidney, because we both know that if I didn’t do that, you’d always find something to be doing that oh, just can’t be interrupted, so you don’t have to change her.”  Jamie smiles.  Sid rolls his eyes this time.  “And don’t look at me like that.  You know I’m right.”

“Okay.  You’re right.”

“So?  Deal?”

“Deal.”

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It starts on the very first day of hockey school.

Sid’s on a stage in front of the all the campers and their parents, doing the annual question and answer with Nate.  Kylie’s sitting on the floor in front of him, playing with a stack of hockey pucks.  She rolled a couple across the stage and went to retrieve them.

Sid wasn’t paying too much attention to her, she really couldn’t get into trouble up on the stage.  He didn’t realize that anything was amiss until he heard Nate sniff.

“Whew.”  Nate said, putting his hand to his face.

That’s when Sid heard the small grunt from behind his chair. 

“Kylie, what are you doing?”

“Nothing.”  She ducked her head to her chest and brought her tiny hands up to hide her face.  “I not poopie”

“I think you did.”  Nate laughs.

The audience laughs as Sid scrunches his nose.  Nate gets up and moves across the stage.

“What are you feeding her?  Wow!”  He waves his hand in front of his face, making a horrified look.

“It’s not that bad.”  Sid says. 

He looks around, scanning for Jamie.  He sees him standing in the back of the room talking to Taylor.

“Hey, Daddy, we have an issue up here.”

“It’s your turn.”  Jamie says, an evil grin on his face.

“But, I’m doing this.”  Sid waves at the audience.  “You don’t want me to stop, right?”

The kids applaud.  Most of the parents see what’s going on and start laughing.

“A deal’s a deal, Sid.  You wouldn’t want to give anyone the impression you don’t keep your word, now do you, Sid?”  Jamie says, walking towards the stage.  “I’ll fill in while you change her.”

“I not poopie.”  Kylie whispers.

“Oh, yes you are.”  Nate laughs.  “Wow, girlfriend.  You tinky.”

“I not.”  Kylie glares at him.  “Uncle Nate bad.”

“That’s right, Sunshine.  Uncle Nate shouldn’t make fun of you.”  Jamie says, having gotten to the stage.  He bends and picks her up.  “But, oh my, you are a tinky girl. Papa needs to take you.”

Jamie hands her to Sid and takes the microphone from him.  “Okay, Papa.  Off you go.”

Jamie sits down in Sid’s chair.

“Daddy’s stinky.”  Sid says to Kylie. 

He walks past Taylor on his way to find somewhere to change Kylie.  Taylor pinches her nose.

“Wow.”  She whispers.  “Ripe.”

“I’ll give you a thousand dollars to change her.”  Sid offers.  “Please, T?”

“Not a chance.  Jamie warned me you’d try to get out of it.”

“Damn, him.”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On day two, Jamie is helping with some skating drills.  He’s got Kylie in his arms, propped on his hip.  He’s got his stick in one hand, swatting casually at the pucks the kids are shooting as part of the drill.

“I poopie, Daddy.”

“You have to poopie?  Or you did poopie?”

“I have to poopie.” 

It’s Sid’s turn.

Jamie skates across the ice and goes to hand Kylie to Sid.

“Arm getting tired?”  Sid happily takes her.

“Nope.  It’s your turn.  She has to go potty.”  Jamie grins.  “And from that look on her face you might want to hurry.”

“I poopie.”  Kylie says.  “Papa go potty.”

“I hate you.”  Sid glares at Jamie.  “Isn’t it your turn?”

“Nope.  I had the wet diaper before we came out on the ice.  You’re up.”  Jamie laughs, skating away.

“You’re Daddy is so in trouble, girlfriend.”  Sid sing-songs to her.  “Let’s go.”

Of course, Kylie doesn’t make it to the potty chair.  Sid changes her smelly diaper.

“Oh, my goodness.  Uncle Nate was right.  What has Daddy been feeding you for breakfast?”  Sid laughs at her, waving his hand past her bottom. 

“I have sprunes.”  Kylie giggled.  “Yummy.”

“He fed you prunes?”  Sid quered his two-year-old.  “Really?”

“Sprunes.  Sprunes. Sprunes.”  Kylie squirmed.

Sid got her cleaned up and carried her back to the rink, putting her in her sled, he pulled her out on the ice.  When they got to Jamie, she fussed until he picked her up.

“All done.”  She said, nuzzling into his neck. 

“Papa did good work, you smell better.”  Nate chuckled, skating by.

“Uncle Nate tink.”  Kylie said into Jamie’s neck.

“Yes he does, Sunshine.”  He smiled.  Yep, she was his daughter with that attitude.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“You fed our child prunes?”  Sid says as he walks into their kitchen later that day.  He smacks Jamie on the back of the head.

“Ow.”  Jamie ducks his head away.  “She eats a prune every morning with breakfast, she loves them.” 

“Since when?”

“Since, um, always.” 

Jamie took a bite of his bagel, avoiding eye contact with Sid at all costs, trying to look innocent.

“Since you wanted to make sure she’d have a shitty diaper for me to have to change all week.”  Sid accused.

“That’s harsh.  Prunes are good for her.  Of course, she may have had a couple extra during the morning.”

“Uh huh.  I think you two are in cahoots.  Why is it you only have to change wet diapers?  I get the runny, smelly, prune induced shits diapers?”

“I’m trying to eat here.”  Jamie protests.

“Oh please.  After all this time, I know you could eat through the most disgusting things and not even bat an eye.”

“Thanks.”  Jamie grinned.

“This isn’t funny.”

“I think it is.  And you agreed to it.”

Sid fixes himself a bagel as they talk, then gets a glass of juice and sits down at the table with Jamie.  They chat about how hockey school is going this year for a bit, when suddenly Sid sits up straight, like someone slapped him.

“You fucker.”  Sid glares at Jamie.  “I know what you’re doing.”

“So, I fed her extra prunes.  It’s not the worst thing she could…”

“No.  Fuck the prunes.  That’s not it.”  Sid points his finger at Jamie.  “You.  You’re changing even when she’s dry, so that I’m always up when she has a shitty diaper.”

Jamie chokes on his sip of juice.

“See.  I knew it.  Caught.  You fucker.”  Sid chastised him.  “I was wondering why she was peeing all the time.  I thought maybe we were giving her more bottles to keep her happy, or it was the cold of the rink, but no.  No.  She hasn’t been wet all the time.  You low-life.”

“It took you two days to figure that out?”  Jamie laughed.  “Wow.”

“That’s low, using your daughter like that.”  Sid smiled, trying not to laugh.  It actually was a pretty good set up once he thought about it.

“Pay-back, Sidney.”  Jamie smirked.

“For what?”

“When we flew home for Christmas and she got sick.  I told you she wasn’t feeling well, but we flew anyway.”

“That was when she was six-months-old?  You’ve held on to that for over a year?”

“Prune diapers are nothing compared to sick child with green, runny shit up her back, in her hair, all over her.  And you wouldn’t go near her.  So yeah, I held on to it.”

“It wasn’t that bad.”

“It was green, Sid.  I’d never seen shit that color before.”

“Okay.  Point taken.”  Sid grinned.  It had been the grossest thing he’d ever seen, too.  “So, we’re even now?  You done setting me up?”

“Yeah, I think we’re good.  Hey, you know what, though?”

“What?”  Sid says suspiciously, cocking his head to the side.

“We need to set up Nate.”

Sid laughed out loud.


	16. A Puppy For Christmas?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas 2025... after Sid's retired, and Jamie is the captain of the Pens. Just a short, mostly fluff story of how the Crosby family grew by... not one... but two... that Christmas...
> 
> Merry Christmas... and Happy New Year...

Jamie dragged his ass home after another loss.  It was still fairly early in the season, only the first of December, but they were already ruling the Pens out as a repeat Cup contender.  Hell, they said, they’d be lucky to make the playoffs this season the way they were going.  As the new Captain, Jamie was taking it personally. 

The fans missed Sid.

The media missed Sid.

The team missed Sid.

Jamie missed Sid.

But Sid had retired after their Cup win last spring.  He was now a stay at home father to six-year-old Kylie, who loved having her Papa home and all to herself.  And Sid liked being with her.  It was maybe the only thing that could make retirement bearable for him in all honesty.  If he didn’t have Kylie to occupy his time he’d either be going nuts, or would never have retired.

Jamie tries to put hockey, and his dismal season, out of his mind as he drives home.  He has a day off tomorrow, then he leaves for a three-game road trip.  December is going to be tough, they’re on the road more than they’re home.  The thought that maybe he should have just retired, too, flitters through his head for the umpteenth time.  He shakes his head, chasing it away.  No.  He’s not ready to retire.

The house is dark when he gets home and he’s a little disappointed.  He’d hoped they’d have waited up for him.  He punches in his code and opens the door.  From the living room, he hears giggling, and there is the faint glow of light from an unknown source.  The house evidently isn’t completely dark.

“Hello?”

“In here, Daddy.”  Sid says.

Jamie walks into the living room and laughs softly.  In the middle of the room is a large fort made from the couch cushions, numerous pillows, and blankets.  The light is coming from one of the camping lanterns they usually take to the cabin.  It’s in the fort, so he couldn’t see it from outside.  There’s a couple of pizza boxes on the floor, and a cooler he assumes is full of drinks.  Kylie gets up and scampers across the floor to his arms.

“I’m sorry you lost tonight.”  She says as he kisses her cheek.

“Thanks, Sunshine.  Looks like you and Papa have been having a good night.”

“We waited up for you.  Papa said we could all sleep in the fort tonight.”  She takes his hand and pulls him to the fort.  He sheds his jacket, tossing it on a chair and kicks his shoes off.

“Can I go change first?” 

“Nope.  Your presence is needed here.”  Sid answers.

“Papa and I were talking.”  Kylie starts.  “About Christmas.”

“Okay.”  Jamie raises an eyebrow and looks at Sid cautiously.  “What about Christmas?”

“Have some pizza.”  Kylie says, handing him a box.

It’s his favorite kind, with pineapple and onion.  Kylie digs in the cooler and hands him his favorite Gatorade, as well. 

Something’s up.

“Gee, all my favorites.  To what do I owe this honor?”

“I want a puppy for Christmas.”  Kylie blurts out, unable to contain her excitement any longer.

“A puppy?”

Sid smiles.  He’s in on this.

“We’ve talked about it before.”

“Yeah, about maybe when we retired.”  Jamie sets the pizza box aside, having not taken a piece.

“I know, but I’m home.  So…”

Jamie sighed and rubbed his hand over his face.

“Don’t you want a puppy, Daddy?”  Kylie climbs into his lap.

“Yeah, Sunshine.  If you want a puppy, we can get a puppy.”  He hugs her, staring at Sid over the top of her head.  “Tell you what, I’ll go change into some jammies and when I get back, you can tell me what kind of puppy you want.  Okay?”

“Okay.”  She says happily.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------

“We said we’d wait.”

“I know.”

“But you told her she could get one.”

“I know.”

“Thanks, Sid.”

“Come on.  Why shouldn’t we get one?”

“Because, we said we’d wait.”  Jamie says loudly, slamming the pan he’s dug out of the cabinet down on the counter with a bang.

“Ssshhh… you’ll wake her up.”  Sid scolds him.  “Look, I know what I said, but now it doesn’t really make sense to wait.  I’m home with her.  It would be good for us, for me.  Something else to help me with adjusting to retirement.”

“I think you’re adjusting just fine.”  Jamie mumbles.

“What was that?”

“I said, I think you’re adjusting just fine.”  Jamie snaps.  “Unlike me.”

“You know it’s always rough the year after a Cup win.”  Sid walks over to Jamie and slips his arms around Jamie’s middle.  He rests his head gently between Jamie’s shoulder blades.  “You’re doing a good job.  Don’t let anybody tell you different.”

“I should have just retired, too.”  Jamie sighs, letting his arms fold over Sid’s.

“No.  You weren’t… you aren’t… ready to do that.  It’ll be fine.  I’ll tell her we’re going to wait on the puppy.  Maybe next summer when you can be around to help.”

Jamie twists, making Sid loosen his hold so Jamie can turn around in his arms.  Sid keeps his arms around Jamie’s waist, while Jamie drapes his arms over Sid’s shoulders.  Jamie dips his head so their foreheads touch.

“You know I can’t do that to her.  I just thought, you guys have gone to the away games a few times, I just, I hoped you’d be able to keep doing that.  But if we have a puppy.  Oh, well.”  Jamie smiles.

“We can still do that.”  Sid tries to assure him.

“With a puppy?  Right.”

“You don’t think I can sneak a puppy into any where I want?”  Sid smirks.

“No.  But I’m sure you’ll try.”  Jamie laughs.  “So, we’re getting a puppy for Christmas.”

Sid leans in to kiss him, then lets his head fall to Jamie’s shoulder.  They stand there, silent, in each other’s arms until they hear Kylie stirring in the living room.

“I’ll go get her.  You start breakfast.”  Sid says, pulling out of Jamie’s arms.

Jamie kisses him again, then turns back to getting things together to start their eggs and pancakes.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------

They Facetime every day during Jamie’s road trip.  All Kylie talks about is getting her puppy.  She and Sid have been looking at different dog breeds.  They are all in agreement that they would like a bigger dog.  Of course, when word gets out that they are looking, the get plenty of suggestions.

“Golden Retriever.”  Kris states.  “Buddha has been the best dog.  Great with kids.  Smart.”

“Goldendoodles.”  Flower tells them.  “They don’t really shed.  Smart.  Awesome dogs.”

“Labs, baby.”  Segs says.  “I might be a little biased, though.  I know a good breeder if you’re interested.”

“Bulldog.”  Brian informs them.  “So much personality.”

“Newfie.”  Muzz says.  "The bigger the better, ya know."

“Boxer.”  One of the trainers even weighs in.  "You could run with it.  They love to run."

“I like small dogs.”  Conor offers, so I’m no help.

When it comes right down to it, the only opinion that matters belongs to a six-year-old, with big green eyes that are just like her daddy’s.  Jamie now understands why Sid always said he couldn’t resist Jamie’s puppy-dog eyes.

“I think I want a German Shepherd.  Or maybe a mix breed.”  Kylie says.  “I found a puppy at one of the shelters.  Can we go look at him when you get home?”

“I suppose so.  You don’t want to look for a pure-bred?”  Jamie questions her.

“I want to rescue a puppy.  Like the ones you and Papa help with the calendar.”

That’s his girl.

“Okay.  We’ll go look when I get home.  I’ll check my schedule and have Papa make the arrangements.”  Jamie smiles at her.  “So, have you put out the decorations?”

“Nope.”  She pops the ‘p’ at the end.  “We’re waiting for you.  When will you be home again?”

“Day after tomorrow.  I’ll be home when you wake up.  I think I have that day off, so we can decorate.  And maybe go look at the puppies at the shelter.  How will that be?”

“Yay!”  She squeals.  “I’m gonna be so good.  Papa says we can get a leash and collar, and some toys, and I have go feed him every day, and let him out to potty.  And Papa says he can sleep with me in my bed.”

“Papa says all that, huh.  What if I want him to sleep in my bed?”

“Un uh.  You can sleep with us, too.  In my bed.  Or maybe we can all sleep in the blanket fort?”  She says happily.

“We can do that, Sunshine.  Whatever you want.”  Jamie laughs.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The shelter is nice.  Clean.  Large runs.  Grassy areas it looks like, where the dogs can play.  But in the end, it is still a shelter.  It’s noisy as the dogs all bark to greet them when they walk in.  And, to Jamie, they all look so sad.  He’d take them all home if he could.

There are several puppies housed together in one of the runs.  What looks like a shepherd mix and what could be a litter mate are wrestling around.  A black lab looking puppy is sitting by the door to the run, then there are a few long-haired things that Jamie has no idea what they might be. 

“That’s him.”  Kylie says, pointing at one of the shepherd puppies.  She brings her hands to her mouth in awe.  “He’s so cute, isn’t he?”

“He is, Sunshine.”  Sid says.  He turns to the tech. “Can we see the little male shepherd?” 

She sets them up in one of the meet-n-greet rooms and brings the puppy to them.  He’s a bundle of energy, but it is love at first sight for both he and Kylie.  The puppy squirms and wiggles in her lap, kissing any part of skin he can get to.  Kylie is giggling, all smiles and happiness.

“I think he likes you.”  Jamie laughs.  He picks the puppy up and gives it the once over, checking his eyes, and skin.  He looks healthy.  “How old did it say he was?”

“Nine weeks.”  Sid answers, taking the puppy from Jamie so he can look him over as well.  “He’s pretty cute.”

“That he is.”  Jamie smiles at Sid as the puppy tries to kiss Sid’s face.  “I guess this isn’t going to be so bad.”

Sid hands him back to Kylie.  “Okay, let’s tell them we’re taking him.”

Kylie squeals and hugs the puppy tightly.  “Thank you.  Thank you.”

“What are you going to name him.  You haven’t talked about that.”  Jamie asks her.

“Stanley.”  She looks back and forth between her dads.  “What else.”

Sid and Jamie laugh.  Of course, that’s what she’d name him.

The tech comes and takes Stanley to clean him up a little and make sure he’s ready to go.  Jamie and Sid go to fill out the necessary paperwork, leaving Kylie to look around in the kennel area as she waits.  When they come back, she is sitting in front of a pen petting a large, long-haired, shepherd mix.  The dog is lying with it’s head on it’s paws, looking up at Kylie with sad, brown eyes.

“She looks lonely.”  Kylie says to Jamie.

He looks at the card.  _Lexie.  Shepherd mix.  10 yrs old._

“She does.  Maybe somebody will adopt her for Christmas, though.”  He says, reaching to take Kylie’s hand and help her up.  “Come on, Sunshine.  Stanley’s ready to go home.”

Kylie keeps looking back at Lexie as they walk away.  She waves slowly as they step through the door.  Jamie pauses and looks back at Lexie, who lifts her head, and wags her tail slowly.

“So, what’s Lexie’s story?”  He asks one of the other techs as Kylie goes to wait with Sid for Stanley to be brought out.

“She belonged to an older gentleman who passed away.  He didn’t have any family, so she was brought here.  She’s been here over a month, poor old girl.  She’s doing better than when she first came, but she’s just so sad.  Nobody looks at her very long because she doesn’t get all excited.  She just lays there.”

“Really?  That’s so sad.”  Jamie looks over at his family.  “Does she get along with other dogs?  With puppies?”

“I don’t know.  She’s never been around them, but she’s never shown any signs of aggression towards anyone or any of the other dogs here.”

“Can you, um, can I meet with her and Stanley, the pup, in one of the rooms before you bring him out?  Without telling Sid and Kylie?”

The tech gave him a wry smile.  “I think we can do that.”

Jamie walks over to Sid and Kylie.  “I need to use the restroom.  Be right back.”

Sid gives him a strange look and Jamie just smiles.

“I’ll be right back.”  He says again.

Lexie sniffs at Stanley, who jumps and paws at her.  She pulls her head back, annoyed.  She looks at Jamie, who strokes her head and offers words of encouragement.  Slowly, her tail starts to wag, and she paws playfully at the pup.  The tech is watching over the half-door.

“So, should I get her paperwork started, too?”

“What say, girl.  You wanna come home with us, too.”

Lexie licks gently at Jamie’s hand.  “Can you bring it to me in here to sign?”

“It’ll be just a minute.”  She says.  “You’ll need a leash for her?”

“Yeah.  If we could.”  Jamie smiles, watching Lexie jump as the pup tries to climb on her back.

He waits until the tech comes back and signs the paperwork.  Sid’s already paid Stanley’s fee, and given the shelter a generous donation, but Jamie pulls out his wallet and does the same for Lexie.  It’s all the cash he’s carrying, which was supposed to go for puppy supplies.  Oh well, good thing he had plastic.

The tech slipped a collar on Lexie and hooked a leash to it, then waited until Jamie had picked up Stanley before handing him the leash.  Jamie handed her Stanley.

“Take him out and give him to her.  Then I’ll bring Lexie out.”

“Nice surprise.”

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Christmas Eve dinner was hectic, but fun.  It was nice having everyone there, Troy, Trina, Taylor and her new husband, Sean, as well as Luc and Diane.  And, the two newest Crosby additions.  After dinner, they’d exchanged their Christmas Eve presents.  Sid, Jamie and Kylie all getting matching pajamas from the folks.

Now, Jamie and Sid were settled on the couch, sipping on a Brandy Alexander that Troy made for everyone.  Trina and Troy were in the chairs.  Taylor and Sean were on the floor, while Luc and Diane had gone home for the evening.  They’d be back in the morning to open presents.

Jamie smiled as he looked over under the tree.  Lexie was stretched out on her side, contented and happy.  She isn't the same dog he saw at the shelter, she plays with Stanley, and lets Kylie dress her up for teas.  She loves playing hockey with Kylie, blocking her shots.  She's very active now.  Kylie's using her as a pillow, sound asleep with her head on Lexie’s side.  Curled up in Kylie’s arms was Stanley, worn out from all the excitement of having company there to perform for.  The little shit has grown a lot in the two weeks they've had him, and he is already completely devoted to Kylie.  God help anyone who ever tries to hurt her once he gets big, Jamie thinks.

“Two?”  Taylor shook her head.  “I still can’t believe you got two.”

“Well, I looked at it this way,” Jamie said, “Stan the man is just a rookie.  He needed a solid vet to show him the ropes.”

Sid grinned and squeezed Jamie’s knee, where his hand was resting.  “Yep.  Rookies always do better with a vet around, eh.”

“Yep.”  Jamie smiled, leaning over to give him a kiss.  “Merry Christmas, Mr. Crosby.”

“Merry Christmas, Mr. Crosby.”  Sid said.  “You made her very happy.”

“She makes me pretty happy.”  Jamie smiled over at their kids.    



	17. All-Star Game - 2018

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie accompanies Sid to the 2018 ASG in Tampa Bay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know... I know... Flower won the Save Streak competition... but in my AU, he didn't get drafted by Vegas and is still in Pittsburgh as the starter for the 2017-18 season. And, in my AU... he'll retire as a Pen.

In reality, Jamie didn’t mind not getting selected.  Three days in Tampa with nothing to do but soak up some sun was such a hardship after all.  Poor Sid, having to do all kinds of media, the skills competition, the all-star games.  Not a lot of free time to do much relaxing for him.  Yeah, Jamie really got the better end of this deal.  Not that he would have minded playing, or even being selected.

The pool is large, and heated, and full of players, significant others, and kids.  Lots of kids.  He could go play with Alex and Cath, but, there were too many kids.  All the more to make him think of how much he wanted to start a family with Sid, and how much Sid was resisting. 

He put that whole business out of his mind.  Nope.  Not thinking about it.  He was just here to have some fun.

“There he is.”  The familiar voice came from behind his lounge chair.  “Sidney Crosby’s boy toy.”

“That’s boy toy husband now, Davo.”  Jamie replied, not bothering to even open his eyes. 

“You want this?”  Connor said.

Jamie opened his eyes at that.  Connor was holding out a drink for him, something fruity, with the cute little umbrella. 

“Virgin?”  Jamie raised an eyebrow as he reached out to take the drink.

“Not since I was 16.”  Connor smirked. 

Jamie hesitated.

“Christ, Jim-Bob, take the drink.”

Jamie took the glass and sipped some of the red liquid through the straw.  Strawberry Daquiri.  Definitely not a virgin.  Jamie glared at Connor.

“You’re legal in Canada, so don’t give me that look.  Besides, not like you have to worry about being around anybody.”

Connor sat down and stretched out his legs on the lounge chair next to Jamie.  Auston was already relaxing on the next chair over.

“So how do I get a gig like this?”  Auston asked, sounding all serious.

“Don’t get picked.”  Jamie answered.

“No, I mean, how do I get a sugar daddy like Sid?  Lay around in the sun all day.  Spend his money?”  Auston smiled over at Jamie.

“Davo’ll be your sugar daddy.”  Jamie said without missing a beat.  “He makes more than Sid, anyway.”

“What if I don’t want Davo?”  Auston continues.  “Besides, he’s got a girlfriend.”

“Why wouldn’t you want me?”  Connor acts shocked.  “Matts, I’m hurt.”

“Okay.  I see your point.”  Jamie continues, still all straight-faced and serious.  “I’ll be your sugar daddy then.”

“You don’t make enough money.”  Connor points out. 

“I’ll just spend Sid’s money on him.”  Jamie smirks, settling back on the chair and sipping at his drink.

“Deal.”  Auston says.

There’s a moment of silence, then they all break out laughing.

“So, you gonna hang down with us, or with the WAGS at the skills competition?”  Connor asks when they all quiet down.

“Haven’t decided.  May just watch up in my room.”

“What?  And miss all the fun?”  Auston says sarcastically.

“Yep.”  Jamie sets his drink down.  “So, you guys check out any of the pirate shit goin’ on?”

“A little bit.  Big parade tomorrow.  Wanna go?”  Auston offers.

“Yeah, sounds like fun.”  Jamie says.

“So, where’s Sid?”  Connor asked.

“Off with Mac somewhere.  After the meet and greet, they were going to get together to catch up.”

“You didn’t want to go?”  Auston questioned.

Jamie rolled his eyes.

“Oh.”  Auston said.

“Still not a fan, eh?”  Connor laughed.

“He’s Sid’s friend.”  Jamie shrugs.  “It’s fine.”

They spend the rest of the late afternoon drinking, swimming and just hanging out.  The next day, Jamie meets them to go to the parade.

Gasparilla is huge.  Jamie had no idea.  He thinks every single resident of Tampa must be at the parade.  It reminds him a bit of the things he’s seen about Mardi Gras, cause the people on the floats are throwing beads, coins, and pirate stuff.  By the end, he’s gathered a couple dozen bead necklaces.

They went as a group, all the under 23 guys, so it wasn’t just Jamie, Connor, and Auston.  Jamie had a great time.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

“You’re not coming?”  Sid sounds disappointed.

“Nah.  Think I’ll watch on TV.”

“And miss Flo Rida?”

“Yeah.  Pass.”

“Okay.  I guess.”  Sid sighs.

A short time later, Sid heads out for the skills competition, leaving Jamie alone in the hotel room.  Jamie orders room service, eats, then grabs a short nap.

He’s puttering around the room getting ready when the show starts.  First up is fastest skater.  Davo wins, no big surprise there, fast fucker that he is. 

The next event is the passing accuracy, Kris’ event.  Jamie watches with a little more interest.  The LED targets don’t look fun.  Kris did well, even though he didn’t win he did come in third.

Next up was the goalies’ challenge, the save streak, a new event this year.  Jamie watched with mild interest.  Flower would have done great had he been here.  Since he wasn’t, Jamie didn’t really care.  Pekka Rinne ended up winning it.

Jamie laid a few things out on the bed that he’d want later.  He made a mental note that he needed to text Sid and make sure he didn’t bring anybody back with him.  That could be embarrassing.  Jamie snorted, or fun if he wanted to try something new, depending on who he brought back.  Nate was a no go, but, some of the other guys here.  That would be some good fantasy time.

The puck control relay thing was next.  Gaudreau blazed through it.  Jamie was intrigued by the gates that lit up to show which hole you had to get the puck through.  He wondered how much they cost and if the team would spring for them, or, what the hell, he’d just buy them.

Next up was hardest shot.  The guys shooting all had some hellacious shots, he’d blocked a few of them.  Of all of them, he’d put his money on Brent Burns.  He’d have lost it.  He texted a way to go to Alex when he ended up winning.  A message came back just a few minutes later, a picture of a smiling Alex sitting next to Sid and Kris.

The last competition of the night was the shooting accuracy, Sid’s competition.  Jamie liked the added challenge of the LED targets this year.  It was a challenge of hand-eye coordination as well as just accuracy.  Boeser, the rookie, flew through it.  Jamie had gotten to know him a little better at the parade.  Nice enough, quiet.  They showed him kneeling beside Sid, the two talking.  Poor kid, Sid was probably giving him pointers even after he’d done his shots.

Sid took his turn and didn’t do so well.  He did what a lot of them did, seemed to fix on the target that lit, staying with it for at least an extra shot even after the next target lit up.  Jamie thought, though, that he needed to get a set of these targets, too.  What the hell, Sid didn’t let Jamie spend much of his own money, so it wasn’t like he didn’t have it.  Of course, if he asked, Sid would get him whatever he wanted.  Davo was right, Jamie laughed out loud, he was so spoiled.

The competition ended, and Jamie flipped the TV around to some movie.  He texted Sid.  Then, he headed to the shower to get ready.  He guessed, given his text, he had about an hour.

\---------------------------------------------------------------

Sid opened the door, not sure of what he’d find.  Jamie’s text had been cryptic. 

_Come and get your reward, my Captain.  Your bounty awaits._

The only light in the room was provided by several flameless candles, which gave off a soft glow.  He let the door shut behind him and stepped towards that light.

His breath hitched when he saw what awaited him.

Jamie was on his back on the bed.  His arms were ‘tied’ above his head by a couple of bead necklaces.  One of Sid’s ties was wrapped around Jamie’s eyes as a blindfold.  Jamie was naked it appeared.  A row of gold coins made a path down his chest and abs, stopping just above his hips at a Pirate hat which was placed strategically over his groin.  Spread out on the bed were more coins and beads.

“My, what a bounty.”  Sid said.  “To what do I owe this reward?”

Jamie didn’t say anything, just slowly let his tongue lick over his lower lip.

Sid stepped next to the bed, leaned over and brushed the back of his fingers down Jamie’s arm.  Jamie’s body shivered involuntarily at the touch. 

“What am I going to do with my reward would be the better question.”

Sid straightened.  He shed his suit jacket and tossed it on the other bed.  Slowly he tugged at the knot of his tie, loosening it.  He slipped the tie off and dangled it over Jamie’s chest.  He let the material coil into a pile between Jamie’s nipples, then dragged it up and down his chest, snaking it over his smooth skin.  Sid watched as the taunt muscles twitched and quivered as the silky material caressed over them.

Sid let the tie fall in a pile on Jamie’s chest.  He stepped away and finished undressing, letting Jamie lie on the bed waiting.  Jamie didn’t move, except to bite nervously at his lower lip.

Once Sid had shed his clothes, he climbed on the bed and straddled Jamie’s legs at Jamie’s knees.  He reached down and picked up the pirate hat.

“Let’s see if this one is better than the one they had for that interview.”  Sid chuckled as he put the hat on.  “Very nice.”

Jamie wiggled his hips, making his hard cock slap back and forth against his hips.

“That’s very nice, too.”  Sid took Jamie’s cock in his hand.  “A rather impressive bounty.  Whatever should I do with it?”

Sid let his fingertips trace lightly up and down the shaft of Jamie’s cock.  Jamie laid perfectly still, making not a sound either.

“Oh.  I see how this is going to be.”  Sid slapped his fingers lightly against the shaft.  “How long can you go before I have you begging me to let you come.  Is that your game tonight?”

Sid rolled his hand down and squeezed Jamie’s balls, hard enough to make Jamie try to pull his hips away from Sid’s hand.  Jamie bit his lip to keep from crying out.  When Sid slapped the underside of his balls several times right away, Jamie almost gave in.  Sid wasn’t going to play fair tonight it seemed but was instead out for a quick win.

“Good boy.”  Sid said, running his hands up and down Jamie’s thighs.

Then again, Jamie thought.

Sid brought a hand back to Jamie’s cock, teasing it again with just his fingertips, delighting at the way it twitched and jerked at his lightest touch.  His other hand massaged Jamie’s balls, steadily increasing the pressure.  He cupped them in his hand and pushed them up against Jamie’s cock.  When he did, Sid noticed the glint of light off an object.

“What’s this?”  Sid’s hand pushed between Jamie’s ass cheeks until he could tap on the end of the glass plug Jamie had in.  “You planned ahead for this?  Nice.  Very nice.”

Jamie licked his lips, a wry smile coming to them.  Sid tapped at the end of the plug, which made Jamie’s breath hitch, but he still made no sounds.  Sid closed his other hand around Jamie’s cock and started stroking up and down, rolling his palm over the head.  He kept tapping at the plug while he stroked Jamie. 

Jamie’s breathes shortened, coming in little gasps with each tap on the plug.  He wanted to arch his cock into Sid’s hand, but he willed himself to hold perfectly still.  Sid increased the rhythm on his cock, and the pressure.  Jamie pulled his bottom lip between his teeth, breathing heavily through his nose as the pressure in his cock built.  Almost.  Almost.

And Sid stopped.

“So close, eh?”

Jamie released his lip and breathed heavily through his mouth.

Sid bent down then and kissed the tip of Jamie’s cock, now a deep red and leaking precome.  Sid flicked his tongue over the tip, running it through the slit and down the shaft.  He licked his way back to the tip, then he sat back up. 

He wrapped his hand around the head and dragged it down the entire length of Jamie, repeating the action with his other hand.  He alternated hands and kept this up, just rubbing down over the tip and down the shaft, applying increasing pressure around Jamie with each stroke.  Again, Jamie’s breath came in short gasps, faster and faster as Sid picked up his pace.  Again, Jamie felt the pressure building, felt his body sinking into the warm sensations spreading from his groin.  Just about there and…

Sid stopped.

“So good for me.”  Sid leaned down and kissed Jamie’s stomach, just below his belly button.  “That was two.”

Jamie laid still, breathing in and out, focused on slowing his breathing, fighting down his orgasm.  He still hadn’t made a sound.

“What if I just pulled this out.”  Sid twisted the plug, pushing it in deeper.

He planted light kisses over Jamie’s abs, then up his chest, around the tie still piled on Jamie’s chest.  He kissed over Jamie’s collarbone, from shoulder to neck, then up Jamie’s neck and along his jawline.  He held his face close to Jamie’s ear, hot breath blowing over it, making the hair on the back of Jamie’s neck stand up and shivers run down his spine.

“What if I pulled it out and just fucked you right now.”  Sid whispered in Jamie’s ear.  “Rammed my cock in your ass.  Pounded you like the cock slut you are.  Would you beg me then?  Beg me to let you come?”

Jamie held his lips tight together, trying not to make any noise.  Sid brought both hands up and pinched at Jamie’s taught nipples.  Jamie winced and bowed away from Sid’s touch.  Sid nibbled at his earlobe between more words, telling Jamie what he wanted to do to him.

Jamie finally arched his hips up against Sid.

“That’s it.  I knew you’d go easy tonight.  Give in to me so quick.  You want it so bad, don’t you?”  Sid whispered one last time before he sat back up.

Sid scooted up, so he was over Jamie’s hips, their cocks close together.  Sid reached down and took them both in his hand, rubbing their cocks against one another.  He pushed his hips down, pressing his balls against Jamie’s, rolling his hips into Jamie as he kept up a steady pace on their cocks.

“Come on, tell me.  Tell me what you want.”

Jamie’s hands clenched and unclenched above his head, still entwined in the bead necklaces.  His breathing quickening again.  He started to slip down again, that feeling of floating, slowly falling, washing over him.  He could let got.  He was almost…

Sid stopped.

“Three.”  Sid said.

Sid scooted back and then off Jamie’s legs. He tapped the inside of Jamie’s thighs, then pushed his legs apart, so he could kneel between them.  Sid kept his hands on Jamie’s thighs and got him to pull his legs up towards his chest.  Sid reached down and pulled the plug out slowly, pushing it back in and drawing it out again several times before pulling it out one last time and tossing it down on the bed.  He scooted up and lined his cock up with Jamie’s opening.

Sid rolled his hips forward and drove his cock hard into Jamie, making him huff for a breath.  Without waiting, Sid fucked in and out, his hips snapping back and forth quickly.  He put Jamie’s legs up over his shoulders and wrapped his arms around Jamie’s thighs to hold him tight as he drove his cock in as deep and hard as he could. 

Jamie pursed his lips, his jaw clenched shut.  He was breathing hard through his nose, his hands balled in tight fists. 

Sid fucked Jamie, harder and harder.  Jamie’s cock slapped up and down between their bodies, smacking hard against them.  Sid felt his orgasm building, his cock throbbing with each thrust as he got closer.  And still, Jamie stayed quiet, his heavy breathing the only sound he was making. 

“Fuck.  Come on.  Go ahead, Jame.  Come on.”  Sid groaned out. 

Jamie pushed his head back into the pillow, his body tensed as he came, his come spurting over Sid’s abs and his own chest.  Sid kept fucking into him until he was spent.  Sid pulled out quickly, reaching down and jerking his cock hard and fast for several strokes until he too came, his come mixing with Jamie’s.

Jamie let his legs fall down on either side of Sid, who collapsed down on top of Jamie.  They laid there together for several minutes, breathing heavily against each other. 

Sid was the first to move, pushing himself up off Jamie.  He reached up and tugged at the necklace around Jamie’s wrists and Jamie let go off it, freeing his hands.  He brought them down to rest gently on Sid’s back. 

Sid slipped a finger under the blindfold next, pulling it up.  Jamie’s eyes slowly fluttered open.  His eyes dark in the candlelight, pupils wide.  He was slightly glassy eyed, still lost in his own space. 

“You win.”  Sid said, tipping his head down to kiss Jamie’s lips. 

“Always.”  Jamie said when Sid pulled away.  “You gave up too quick this time.”

“Tired.  I’ve had to work, remember, not just lounge around in the sun.”  Sid laid his head on Jamie’s shoulder and nuzzled into his neck.

“Uh huh.”  Jamie laughed.

Sid let himself slide off Jamie to the bed but stayed pressed up against Jamie’s side.  He tossed the tie that had been on Jamie’s chest to the floor, so he could run his fingers over Jamie’s chest; Jamie ran his fingers up and down Sid’s arm as he did.

This.  Being close.  Being touched.  Touching.  Was almost better than the sex, Jamie thought.

“Sid?”

“Hhhmm, baby boy?”  Sid said sleepily.

“All-star sex is the best sex.”

 


	18. Players' Tribune

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bell, let's talk day 2018.

_The Players’ Tribune_

_January 31, 2018_

_Let’s Talk, by Jamie Crosby_

_I call it the dark place._

_I’ve been there a few times in my life.  It’s not a pretty place to be._

_Most of the time, you don’t hear about a player’s struggles with mental illness while they are still playing.  We’re very good at hiding things.  Injuries.  Illness._

_It’s team policy to not comment on injuries at times, to be vague._

_Generalized descriptions.  Upper body.  Lower body.  The ever cryptic, undisclosed injury._

_They do it to protect guys, to keep injured areas from being targeted when the player comes back.  At least, that’s what they say.  Whatever.  It’s what you learn from a young age._

_So, I guess mental illness would be an upper body injury?  Or, more accurately, an upper body illness?  But it wasn’t just my brain that was ill, it was my whole body.  Depression isn’t an isolated injury that you can easily treat.  It effects your entire system._

_And, if you get a physical injury on top of it – oh, say a concussion in a playoff game – it really throws you out of whack.  Coping mechanisms that have carried you through for years suddenly disappear.  The way you act, the way you think, the way you feel can change drastically.  And yet, you keep trying to hide it._

_I’m in my third year in the league, and I finally feel like I’m getting well, mentally.  It took a lot to get to this point.  It’s been a long time since I felt this good, mentally and physically._

_As I said, we don’t hear about most players mental illness until after they’ve retired.  Or, after they’ve committed suicide.  That makes my story one of the few where the world found out about it while I was still playing.  There are several of us out to the world in that respect now.  Playing through our struggles._

_When you have a severe panic attack at the All-Star game, in front of hundreds of reporters, it’s kind of hard to hide things.  That, and the fact that medical records were released illegally.  But, it happened.  And maybe, it was for the best._

_I tried to kill myself._

_I can say it now.  Much easier than I did that weekend a year ago when the news came out.  It took me almost another eight months of trying to fight away those feelings.  Thoughts of doing it again.  Almost doing it again.  I was close.  Close to checking out on life.  On Sid.  On everything and everyone that I loved.  That’s when I sought more intensive treatment._

_In the year since my story first came out, I’ve learned a few things about hockey players._

_Hockey players can be competitive bast… well, you know.  I knew that, too, that they are that way on the ice, at least.  Off the ice, I learned they put their money where their mouth is._

_Bell let’s talk.  You see players retweeting it.  Players doing videos in support of the movement.  Players coming forward as advocates for this movement.  You wonder if they’re being sincere or just doing it because they have to._

_Trust me.  They’re sincere._

_After that weekend, I had so much support from so many players around the league.  Players from rival teams.  Players who’d pummeled me on the ice.  Players that are deemed tough guys or goons on the ice.  They all reached out to me.  To give me support.  To make sure I was okay.  To offer to listen if I just wanted to talk.  If they didn’t feel they could call me direct, they went through Sidney, or the Pens.  Letting me have the choice of whether or not I contacted them back.  Understanding when I didn’t._

_Those first few months, until I went into in-patient care, I avoided outside help._

_But, eventually, as I began to feel better, I talked to everyone who reached out to help me.  To let them know what it meant to me.  What I heard from a lot of them was that they were going through some of the same things I was.  That they, too, were dealing with demons._

_I wasn’t alone._

_Since then, I’ve been the one to be there to try and help others.  It’s helped me as I’ve worked to fight my way back from the dark place._

_You get wind of someone who might be having troubles.  A friend of a friend calls.  Hey, have you heard that so-and-so is having a rough time?_

_So, you send a text.  You make a phone call.  You wait for them to make the call back.  For them to be ready to reach out for help._

_I can tell you.  It’s not lip service.  It’s not just something players do because they have to.  Yeah, there’s a certain amount of PR that you have to do.  This is different.  They do it because they truly care._

_We’re in this together, this wild trip we call life.  We need to be there to help each other out._

_I wouldn’t be here today to tell you this if I hadn’t had Sidney, the Pens organization, my teammates, and my friends around the league.  The dark place would have won._

_So.  It’s easy.  It’s two little words.  It could save a life._

_Let’s talk._

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The article came out on the _Bell Let’s Talk_ day.  The next day, Jamie got a phone call that he never expected.  The caller ID long forgotten in his list of contacts was a name from his rookie year, from that team.  He debated.

“Um, hello?”  He answered hesitantly.

“Hey.  It’s Kevin.   Bieks.”  The voice at the other end sounded just as hesitant.

“What do you want?”  Jamie assumed Bieksa, like him, had never deleted Jamie’s number.  Or, it would have been easy enough to get it from somebody who didn’t know the history.

Of course, Bieksa hadn’t been one of the two guys involved in what happened in Anaheim.  Jamie remembered his as being nice, actually.

“I, uh, I read your article.  Players’ Tribune.  I, well, I just wanted to say that it was good.”

“Uh, okay.” 

“I.  I’m sorry about what happened here.”

“You weren’t involved.”  Jamie wondered where this was going.

“I knew.  I knew what Kes was like.  I could have… I’m sorry.”

Jamie took in a sharp breath.  As time distanced him from the assault, he’d started to believe that others on the team knew about Kesler and Silfverberg, about them being predators.  He didn’t want to believe that someone would have let it happen, wouldn’t have stopped them, but now he had his confirmation.

“Whatever.”  Jamie snapped.  “Is that why you called?  To tell me you were sorry for letting them rape me?”

“Ryp.”

“Huh?”

“Rick.  Rypien.”

“Oh.”  Jamie said under his breath.

“He was… we were… best friends.  And I couldn’t help him.”  Bieksa said softly.  “I, uh, I heard about what happened last year.  And I guess, I thought.  I don’t know what I thought.  But, I’ve thought about calling you, I don’t know, a hundred times, since then.”

“Why now?  The article?”

“Yeah.  What you said, about putting your money where your mouth is.  I needed to step up.”  Bieks said.  “I owed you an apology.  I owed you… a lot.”

“It happened.  I got past it.”  Jamie said coldly.  “I think that it all worked out for the best.  At least for me.  I have Sid.  I have the Pens.”

“I, did it, was it part of what caused your depression?  I heard you have PTSD.  Is it because of what happened?”

“Not entirely.  I… there were a lot of things.  From when I was little.”  Jamie told him. 

“Ryp, I was one of the first guys he told about his mental illness.  Clinical depression, he said.  I had no idea before that.  He, uh, he lived with me, with my family.  I tried to be there for him.  It’s been over six years and it still, I still can’t.”

“Sometimes,” Jamie pauses for a second.  “Sometimes you can’t help someone.  You can think they are reaching out for help, but all they are doing is saying good-bye.”

“St. Croix.”

“Yeah.”

“You guys were close.  Like me and Ryp.”

“I was in love with him.”  Jamie stated solemnly.  “He called me.  I was on the phone with him when he, well, when he…”

“You didn’t mention that in the article.”

“People don’t want to hear that.  They don’t want to hear that sometimes, you can’t save them.  So, why say it.  Things need to be positive.  There needs to be hope.  Or why bother.”  Jamie said.

“True.  Anyway.  Like I said.  I just wanted to call and offer you an apology for not standing up for you.  For protecting you.  I should have.”

“Like I said.  It happened.  It’s in the past.”  Jamie was sure, deep down, that this call was about more than Bieksa saying he was sorry to Jamie.

Jamie didn’t owe him anything more.  He should have ended the call right then.  But… Bieksa had reached out.  To him.  He had called someone who could understand.  This call wasn’t about Kesler, it was about so much more than that.

“I’ll, uh, I’ll let you go…”  Bieksa said quietly.

Jamie took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and made his decision.  There’s a reason for everything.  Let’s talk.  A need.

“Bieks.”

“Yeah.”

“Nothing you could have done would have changed what happened.  Nothing.  It’s taken me a lot of therapy, and a lot of soul searching, to understand that.  And, if you don’t let it go, it’ll kill you, too, eventually.  One way or another.  It’ll keep eating away at you.  Let it go.  You tried.  You did all you could.  Ryp did what he did because of Ryp, because of his demons, not because of something you didn’t do.”

Jamie heard the hitched breaths, the quiet sobs, on the other end of the call.  He waited, patiently, for them to subside. 

“Tell me about him.”  Jamie said when he thought Bieksa had settled himself. 

Jamie sat and listened as Bieksa told him all about his friend.

 


	19. Happy Valentine's Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The game started off rocky for the Pens, but then they came to life. In the end, they came away with a 6 – 3 win over the struggling Senators. Everyone was riding the high off the win, Aston-Reese’s first NHL goal, and having Valentine’s Day off. Jamie went through his post-game routine and was about half-dressed when Sid came in to the changing room.
> 
> There were a bunch of them in there by then, only Muzz, Cole, Zach and Phil still in the showers or with a trainer for a massage. Jamie sat down in his stall and picked up his phone to check his messages for the first time since before the game. There were a couple of texts from Sid.
> 
> Sid: rookies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2/13/18 so set near beginning of And Baby Makes Three
> 
> Sid, Jamie and the vets have some fun with the rookies...
> 
> TW - the C word is used...
> 
> the cards can be found here... https://lovelayladesigns.co.uk/

The week before Valentine’s Day, Jamie had been sending Sid all kinds of texts, gifs or picture of cards he’d find online or at the store.  Some sweet.  Some nasty.

“You need to get this one for me.”  Jamie says one day, sitting on the couch next to Sid.  “I love you with all my ass.  I would have said heart, but my ass is bigger.”

“Funny.”  Sid laughs, leaning over to kiss Jamie on the temple.  “But true.”

The next day, Sid is in Jim’s office just for a visit when his phone chimes.  It’s from Jamie, of course, a picture of another card.  _I love you_ in large red letters, then underneath that in smaller letters, _& your massive dick. _  Sid’s face flushes.

“Something?”  Jim asks.

“Just Jamie being Jamie.”  Sid passes it off.

Other cards over the week have included…

_I miss you… even when I’m not horny._

_I promise to always be by your side… or under you… or on top…_

_You make my fanny feel funny._

_Fancy a shag?_

_You’re such a cu ~~tie~~ nt!_

_Sorry.  I won’t be giving you my heart this year, but I do have another throbbing organ you might be interested in._

_I knew I loved you when I farted and you didn’t run away._

Sid laughed at most of them, especially the twerking heart.  He was a bit surprised by all this, too, though.  Valentine’s Day hadn’t been a big thing last year, instead they opted to celebrate a week later, on the anniversary of the day they first got together.  This year, Jamie seemed to be in the Valentine’s spirit.

They had a game against Ottawa the day before Valentine’s day.  Jamie had an errand to run he said, so he drove himself to the game.  His car was already at PPG when Sid arrived. 

The game started off rocky for the Pens, but then they came to life.  In the end, they came away with a 6 – 3 win over the struggling Senators.  Everyone was riding the high off the win, Aston-Reese’s first NHL goal, and having Valentine’s Day off.  Jamie went through his post-game routine and was about half-dressed when Sid came in to the changing room.

There were a bunch of them in there by then, only Muzz, Cole, Zach and Phil still in the showers or with a trainer for a massage.  Jamie sat down in his stall and picked up his phone to check his messages for the first time since before the game.  There were a couple of texts from Sid.

Sid:  _rookies_

The second was a Valentine’s message.

Sid:  _Roses are red.  Violets are blue.  This holiday sucks, and so do you!_

Jamie knew how Sid meant him to take that.  But, that would be no fun.

“What the fuck, Crosby?  Nice fucking Valentine there.”  Jamie starts.

“You got a Valentine?  Aw, how sweet.”  Brian says.  “What he say?”

“That I suck.”  Jamie tells him.

“Well, I hear that’s true, there, Jim-Bob.”  Rusty chirps.

“You know how I meant that.”  Sid offers, acting serious.

“No.  Can’t say as I do.”  Jamie says.  “And Rusty has no idea either.”

Jake, sitting on one side of Sid, is staring down at his feet, trying to get dressed as fast as he can.  Dominik, on the other side of Sid, sits with his mouth gapped open, not sure what to think or do at this point.

“Seriously, nice card Sid.  I suck.  So what the fuck did I do this time?”  Jamie continues.

“Maybe you didn’t suck.”  Kris says under his breath, which brings forth snickers and snorts from those around him.

“I heard that, Tanger.”  Jamie snaps.

“I, uh, I meant it as a good thing.  I meant.  Well, you know.”  Sid stammers.  “I didn’t think you’d tell everyone.”

“So, you meant it that way?  Then you mean all I am is your boy toy?  Only good to have around for a great blow?  Just a sex object, eh?”

Jake is trying to crawl under something, anything at this point.  His hands can’t seem to get his shirt buttoned.  He’s thinking about just leaving with it hanging open.  Dominik glances back and forth between Sid and Jamie, not sure that they are really talking about this here, in front of everyone.  Zach’s finally gotten to the room and he’s about as shocked as Dom at the current conversation.

“Stop it.”  Sid retorts.  “You know I…”

“Nope.  Not talking your way out of this.”  Jamie holds a hand up, palm out, towards Sid.

“So you send me all kinds of sex cards and that’s okay.  I send you one and I’m an asshole.”  Sid laments.

“I send you cute stuff.  You said I suck.”  Jamie complains.

“You do,” Sid says, then adds lowly, “and really great, too.”

Dominik almost falls off his bench, which elicits some laughs from the vets, who know what’s going on.  Jake has given up on his shirt and is sitting, trying to tie his shoes, his face beat red.

Sid pulls out his phone and brings up a photo.  “May I remind you of this one?”  He flashes the picture at Jamie.

“What’d that say?”  Hags asks.

Jamie’s not paying attention, going on about Sid’s previous comment. 

“What was that?  Great?  Flattery not getting you out of this one.  But, uh, yeah, since you mention it.  I am great.  So much better than you.”

“Oh god.”  Zach swears.  “What?”

Dom looks at him across the locker room and shakes his head, silently trying to will Zach to not say anything.

“Cunt, Jamie.  You called me a cunt.”

“I was kidding…”  Jamie smiles, looking innocently around the room.

“And, for the record, I give much better head than you.  Much.  Better.”  Sid says.

Dominik’s mouth drops open again, not sure he heard his Captain just say he gives good head.  Zach is frozen, not moving, just watching the exchange between Sid and Jamie.  Jake has gone back to trying to button his shirt to avoid the conversation.

Hags and Horny are chuckling to themselves.  Kris and Flower keep looking up and smiling at each other.  All of the vets are watching as the rookies squirm. 

“You?  Better?  You’re so funny, Sid.  Two words.  Five.  Minutes.”

“Five minutes?”  Conor snorts.  “Shit.  That’s it?  That’s all the more you get, Jim-Bob?”

Sid glares at Jamie.

“No.  That’s all the longer it takes for me to get Captain Quick Trigger to get to his happy ending.”  Jamie smirks.

A collective ooh fills the room.  Dominik and Zach can’t believe that the others are chirping Sidney Crosby about his sex life.  Jake finally just grabs his coat and leaves.  Hags looks at Horny and holds up one finger.

When the oohs die down, Brian smiles at Jamie.  “Low blow, Fluff.”

“Literally.”  Flower snorts, which brings more laughs from the room.

“Five minute, Sid?  Yeah.  I hear that happen when get old.”  Geno chirps.  “You 30 now, not young stud like Marshmallow.  Maybe you need help keep up longer?”

Sid’s face is bright red.  “I don’t… you fuckers.”

“Maybe Geno’s right, Sid.  I hear there are these little blue pills you old guys can get now.  Work wonders.”  Olli adds.

Sid stares at Olli.  “Not funny.”

“Yeah it is.”  Schultzy laughs.  “Just make sure you don’t take one before a game.”

“I don’t think the lucky jock could handle that kind of pressure.”  Olli laughs.

“You’re all assholes.”  Sid throws a towel at Jamie.  “See what you fucking started.  You couldn’t just take it as a compliment and let it go.”

“We could settle the who’s best thing right here and now?”  Rusty chimes in. 

Zach, sitting next to him snaps his head up, a horrified look on his face.  He grabs his coat and flees.  Horny looks at Hags and holds up two fingers.

“You just want to admit I give better than I get?”  Jamie gives Sid a wicked grin and raises an eyebrow.  “Or like Rusty says, should I just prove it?”

Sid stands up and grabs his jacket, wallet and phone.  “You’re all fucking fuckers.”  He swears at the room.  He glares at Jamie.  “And you’re the worst fucker.  Find a ride home, I’m leaving.”

Sid storms out of the room.  It takes a few minutes before Dom stands up and leaves as well, face red, looking traumatized.  The guys that are left break out in laughter.

A short time later, Jamie walks in the house.  Sid’s waiting for him in the living room.  There are carnations on the table and a couple of candles burning.  Sid looks up, smiling softly, sheepishly.

“That went well.”  He says.

“Poor Jake.  You’d think he’d be getting immune by now.  But Zach, oh my god, that was priceless.”

“Dom?”  Sid asks.

“Bolted not long after you.  I think we scarred him for life.”  Jamie laughs as he flops down next to Sid on the couch. “That was fun.”

“You get way too much fun out of torturing the rookies.”  Sid laughs.  “Flower has taught you well.”

“This was your idea, remember.”  Jamie poked him in the side.  “They’ll be fine.  Horny and Kris were going to call them all and make sure they know we were just kidding.”

Sid turns and kisses Jamie’s temple.  “Welcome to the locker room boys.”

“I think it’s that they can’t believe you get chirped.”  Jamie says. “Not the great Sidney Crosby.”

“This was nothing, you should have seen the chirping I took over you before we got together.  Brutal assholes.  Speaking of, what’s with the Valentine’s this year.”

“I don’t know.  I just thought they were cute.  Things that I find that make me think of you.”  Jamie says softly.  “So, uh, anyway.  You, uh, wanna make up?”

“Cause make up sex is the best?”  Sid grins.

“Well, duh.”  Jamie leans his head on Sid’s shoulder. 

“I don’t know.”  Sid muses.  “Maybe you should go first, since ya know, it’ll only take five minutes.”

Jamie reaches down and palms Sid.  “I don’t know.  I might be able to draw it out to six, maybe seven.”

“You fucking brat.”  Sid snickers.  Sid never wrestled as a kid, but he’s got some slick moves and in the blink of an eye, he’s twisted his body and has Jamie pushed down on the couch under him.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Sid.”  Jamie grins up at him, green eyes sparkling in the candle light.

Damn those green eyes.  Yeah, he’s not gonna last long, Sid thinks.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, baby boy.”  Sid leans down into the kiss.


	20. The OTP Meme

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by this... from Tumblr... set during the Conference Championship the spring following Let The Games Begin (2022)
> 
> OTP ask meme that needs to exist  
> Send me a ship and I’ll tell you…  
> Which one sexts like a straight white boy?  
> Which one cried during a fucking disney movie?  
> Who put a goddamned fork in the microwave?  
> Who does the silly hands-over-the-eyes “Guess who” thing?  
> Who puts their cold hands/feet on their partner?  
> Who had that embarassing Reality TV marathon?  
> Who laughs more during sex?  
> WHO IS THE LITTLE SPOON?  
> Source: porciacatonis

The lights on the plane were dimmed, a lot of the guys had dozed off.  Some were lost in a book, or movie, or just in their thoughts.  They had lost.  Game five of the conference championship.  A game they had in hand until the last two minutes.  A game they should have won.  They should be celebrating on the flight home from Tampa, the Prince of Wales Cup in tow.  They should be on their way to the Cup final.

Sid looked back and glared at Jamie, Brian and the others, the little group huddled around Jamie and laughing.

 _What the fuck is so funny?_  Sid texted.

BB:  _there was this thing on tumblr, a OTP ask meme_

Sid:  _What’s that? OTP?_

BB:  _One true pair.  Like this couples’ quiz thing.  Who’d do what._

Sid:  _Oh? And that's funny?_

_BB:  Yep. You should hear some of the answers._

Sid:  _Did you answer for us?_

BB:  _Oh yeah. They thought I was spot on._

Sid:  _What were the questions?_

BB:  _Which one sexts like a straight white boy?_

Sid:  _I’m sure that’s me._

BB:  _Hells yes.   You text like a 90 year old English professor_

Sid:  _So do you._

BB:  _Because of you._

Sid:  _whatever. what next?_

BB:  _Which one cried during a fucking disney movie? I said you._

Sid:  _Liar. That is so you. All sad movies._

BB:  _Yeah, I know. But you weren't here to defend yourself, so... Disney crier = Sidney!_

Sid:  _brat._

BB:  _Who put a goddamned fork in the microwave?_

Sid:  _That one's easy too. You!_

BB:  _I tried to say you, but Dumes called me on it._

Sid:  _Well, you did blow up his microwave._

BB:  _One time. Geez._

Sid:  _And three of ours.  And one at the training center._

BB:  _Whatever_

BB:  _Who does the silly hands-over-the-eyes “Guess who” thing?_

Sid:  _You again._

BB:  _yeah…  no…  I said you. They bought it._

Sid:  _WTF?_

BB:  _Hey... I have an image to uphold here._

Sid:  _And I don't?_

BB:  _Not any more... Sid... the disney crying guess who boy..._

Sid:  _asshole_

BB:  _ouch... a step down from brat..._

Sid:  _what's else was there... i'm almost afraid to ask_

BB:  _Who puts their cold hands/feet on their partner?_

Sid:  _Did you admit to that? You have the god damn coldest feet I've ever!_

BB:  _Yeah. Got called out on it again._

Sid:  _Way to go Dumo!_

BB:  _And Rusty, and Hags, and well... everybody..._

Sid:  _Yeah, you've done that to just about everyone at some point... LOL_

BB:  _whatever... Who had that embarassing Reality TV marathon? You! don't even try to deny it. They all know about your Dancing With The Stars obsession._

Sid:  _It’s not an obsession._

BB:  _You’d kill to get on that show.  Which considering how bad you dance…_

Sid:  _I don’t want to be on it._

BB:  _Sidney_

Sid:  _Okay. Guilty. But you watched it with me._

BB:  _I sucked your dick during three episodes. Then I fell asleep.  I wasn't watching anything._

Sid:  _Oh... shit... you didn't tell them that did you??_

BB:  _No_

BB:  _not exactly_

BB:  _maybe_

Sid:  _OMG! You fucker!_

BB:  _and I keep moving down the list... thank you..._

Sid:  _is there more?_

BB:  _yep..._

BB:  _Who laughs more during sex?_

Sid:  _you_

BB:  _un uh... giggle snort honk giggle giggle honk..._

Sid:  Y _ou did NOT say that!_

BB:  _giggle giggle honk honk_

Sid:  _you fucking asshole_

BB:  _boom! another rung..._

Sid:  _was that the end?_

BB:  _nope... final one was who's the little spoon_

Sid:  _and you told them???_

BB:  _oh I had to admit to this one too... they all know..._

Sid:  _true… think you’ve cuddled with half the team…_

BB:  _i have not…  I don't... hhhhmmm... crap…  I have haven’t I_

BB:  _Sid?_

Sid:  _what?_

BB:  _you still love me, though…  right?_

Sid:  _all of you baby boy... all of you_

 


End file.
